Anonymous wrote:

Not so easy when crisis hits ...

Yeah but are they 60? or 80? No reason for a 60 year old to live like an 80 year ... because something might happen sometime. PP, in your situation, the time was right for a big, necessary, urgent change - good post.

You never know when the crisis will hit. For some it’s at 65, others at 95. And it’s easier to get settled at 65 or 70, when you are in relatively good health than wait until you are 75-80 and it’s much more difficult. And you never will have the perfect time to move. At 65 you think you are too young to move into independent living in an CCRC or retirement community. But at 70, you’ll also think you’re too young. At 75, still too young. At 80, my mom still didn’t want to move because she’s too young and everyone is old.

Anonymous wrote:I'm planning on moving out west. My kids can fly to see me or me to them.

No, they won't. Once they have kids it will be too expensive and more difficult for them to travel. Plan to do more of the traveling. My parents moved to the Orlando area and we go to see them maybe once per year. They come to see us more often. It's too dang expensive to get a flight for 4 people from this area when school's not in session.

Not so easy when crisis hits ...

Yeah but are they 60? or 80? No reason for a 60 year old to live like an 80 year ... because something might happen sometime. PP, in your situation, the time was right for a big, necessary, urgent change - good post.

Anonymous wrote:I would pick a place that is easy for your kids to get to. Either short driving distance or an easy nonstop flight. We are facing a situation with a parent with mild dementia living in a beautiful area that's really difficult for us to get to, and it's horrible. We can't help her the way we want to, and we can't visit often, and she calls us several times a day. She also doesn't want to move closer because she's getting disoriented and adapting at this point to a new place would be hard. She had no trouble making friends when she moved there, but the friends are getting on too so they hae their own challenges.

Move her now! My Mom also had mild dementia. She also didn’t want to move. But at some point they just aren’t able to make good decisions. They still look like adults, but their brain is reverting backwards. So we forced my Mom to move into IL (along with my Dad). So glad we did it when we did. It was disorienting for her, but because she’s not completely gone, she was able to settle down and relearn where everything is. If we had waited to this year, I think she’d never be able to learn the layout of her apartment.

Anonymous wrote:I'm planning on moving out west. My kids can fly to see me or me to them.

Not so easy when crisis hits. My parents had a huge crisis just as Covid hit. Luckily they were only a 4 hour car drive away. No way they would’ve been able to handle it without me. No way their friends could’ve help. It was a big wake up call that they needed to move closer to me. They really didn’t want to. They loved their house. And my Mom had good friends there.

They moved last year closer to me. And thank God they did. My Dad (who manages almost everything) is slowing down. My Mom’s dementia is getting worse. And my Dad recently was hospitalized. I luckily was able to meet him at the ER. And spend most days with him in the hospital while they figured out what was wrong. And still able to go over twice a day to make sure my Mom was taking her medication. And still see my kid everyday.

As soon as you realize you need to be closer to family, it’ll be too late. Moving is hard when you are younger. It’s almost impossible when you are sick and/or old.

DH and I have adult two kids but they will not be having any children so my decision is whether to move closer to my siblings in another state or stay put to be near friends and familiar places. I’d be interested to hear from people in their seventies who have made either choice.

Anonymous wrote:The happiest retirees I know are the people at my DC church, who’ve lived here for many decades. If you can afford it, stay close to your community.

This is how I feel. We'll likely downsize to something with less maintenance but I'd have to have a really compelling reason, mainly living near kids/grandkids, to move. I'd be happy to explore other places by staying at rentals for a month or so at a time but like having my solid home base.

Think about where your kids are and what kind of relationship with you want with them and your grandkids. When my parents retired they moved down to Florida even though I had just finished school and had recently moved back to the area. I was a bit of a gut punch as I'd always envisioned us being closer. Ultimately I accept that's what they wanted and I'm happy they're happy. I just don't have a lot of sympathy when they want me to visit more or make some sad remark about being alone on a holiday or missing some event for their grandkids.

If you decide to move I would also focus on moving to a retirement heavy area. Then you will find it very easy to meet friends and there will be lots of activities to choose from. My parents live in a large 55+ community and I like to joke that its like summer camp.

I think the DMV is not a great place to retire because if you need help or a facility, it's going to be very expensive. A lower COL city would be more manageable.

We are thinking of keeping our family home for now and trying out our retirement town with a condo/townhouse lease. We loved living in this town back in our twenties but aren’t sure we’d like it as retirees.

I'm planning on moving out west. My kids can fly to see me or me to them.

Yes. So?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where you want to be at 60-65 may not be where you want to be at 80-85. Just sayin'. People who aren't retired yet often think life is stagnant and it's not. It's not about: stopping work/retiring -> making a good decision re: retirement -> and then you're set having made a wise and careful decision about retirement.

It is pretty common for people to spend their 60s and 70s in a fun location and then move back to where they used to live (or where their kids live) when their are old-old. i used to work with people who did long-term care policy in NY state and they said this was a very common pattern there. Nothing wrong with it and it doesn't mean that people were wrong to spend their 60s and 70s in Florida or Arizona.

This!!

Anonymous wrote:Where you want to be at 60-65 may not be where you want to be at 80-85. Just sayin'. People who aren't retired yet often think life is stagnant and it's not. It's not about: stopping work/retiring -> making a good decision re: retirement -> and then you're set having made a wise and careful decision about retirement.

It is pretty common for people to spend their 60s and 70s in a fun location and then move back to where they used to live (or where their kids live) when their are old-old. i used to work with people who did long-term care policy in NY state and they said this was a very common pattern there. Nothing wrong with it and it doesn't mean that people were wrong to spend their 60s and 70s in Florida or Arizona.

Where you want to be at 60-65 may not be where you want to be at 80-85. Just sayin'. People who aren't retired yet often think life is stagnant and it's not. It's not about: stopping work/retiring -> making a good decision re: retirement -> and then you're set having made a wise and careful decision about retirement.