Anonymous
Post 08/08/2021 16:39     Subject: Boyfriend Mad I Won’t Move In
Anonymous wrote:His reaction is a giant red flag. At best, it's immature. At worst, it's manipulative. This is not how emotionally mature, functional people behave.

(The PP who is making an issue of you mentioning lessons learned from your ex is really off-base. It reeks of insecurity.)
this!
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2021 15:37     Subject: Boyfriend Mad I Won’t Move In
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:His reaction is a giant red flag. At best, it's immature. At worst, it's manipulative. This is not how emotionally mature, functional people behave.

(The PP who is making an issue of you mentioning lessons learned from your ex is really off-base. It reeks of insecurity.)


+1

OP, you are smart. Six months is too soon to live together. At any age.


OMG, enough already. DH and I got engaged six months after dating and we moved in together the next month and married 6 months later. We are in our 27th year of a more than decent marriage.

What works for you does not necessarily work for everyone else.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2021 15:25     Subject: Boyfriend Mad I Won’t Move In
It's almost like he wants you to move in to PROVE that you love him. Maybe he thinks he will be able to keep a closer eye on you for some kind of deluded assurance that you aren't a cheater.

Either way... his initial reaction to withdraw and withhold from your because you said that you need more time is a HUGE red flag. If you both want a future with each other then taking it slow and giving it more time are really healthy, emotional approaches taken by TWO mature adults.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2021 14:07     Subject: Re:Boyfriend Mad I Won’t Move In
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Him asking you to move in instead of get married is a bad sign too.


How is that a bad sign?

He isn't serious about commitment and being a husband if he won't propose *before* moving in.

Granted, you could give him the benefit of the doubt and say he's sincere but a bit awkward. All OP has to do is ask for the commitment first, and then she would avoid finding herself in the same relationship limbo she was in with her ex. But it sounds like she is the one who isn't interested in commitment, at least not to this guy.


You move in together when you want to live together now. You propose when you want to grow old together. Two different decisions. Living together was fantastic.


Statistically speaking, cohabitation is a risk factor for divorce. And if a woman wants to get married, she shouldn’t cohabit first. In general, men are less likely to commit to marriage if you’re already living together.

But these are just statistics, every situation is different.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2021 14:05     Subject: Re:Boyfriend Mad I Won’t Move In
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You need to break up with him because if you aren't yet, you'll never be "sure". Him asking you to move in instead of get married is a bad sign too.

You absolutely can know if you are ready for commitment in 6 months. You just aren't that interested in him, and that's okay.


This is so wrong. You might know by 6 months, but that is the exception. It's more likely that at 6 months you can envision marrying that person because you're in the heady, romantic days of early love. It usually takes longer to know you're compatible for the long haul. Marriage isn't just about romantic love. People who think it is are not prepared to weather the inevitable ups, downs, and daily doldrums of life together.

Being prepared to weather life together requires commitment, not knowledge of compatibility. In fact, you should probably be committed to commitment long before the person is in the picture. That's how you can evaluate and decide if that person is the one who will fit or not. The heady romantic days of early love are a great place to start a marriage.

So many people people are jaded from repeatedly putting the cart before the horse and still end up divorcing the person they thought they "knew so well".


Totally agree with this. I didn’t know my husband long before marriage but I could see right away that he was committed to commitment. He takes his responsibilities seriously and always has. We have had our ups and downs, and I have been surprised about ways he has evolved as our lives progress, but working on being the best husband he can be is not a question for him.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2021 13:29     Subject: Boyfriend Mad I Won’t Move In
I'll say it again, date someone at least 1.5 to two years before marriage. And should live with that person for at least six months. People are not themselves within a year normally. You don't really get to know the REAL person until the guard is down and the acting is gone.

This is why separation and divorce rates are so high now. People jump into things too fast. There is no rush. Marriage is a piece of paper.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2021 11:38     Subject: Re:Boyfriend Mad I Won’t Move In
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You need to break up with him because if you aren't yet, you'll never be "sure". Him asking you to move in instead of get married is a bad sign too.

You absolutely can know if you are ready for commitment in 6 months. You just aren't that interested in him, and that's okay.


This is so wrong. You might know by 6 months, but that is the exception. It's more likely that at 6 months you can envision marrying that person because you're in the heady, romantic days of early love. It usually takes longer to know you're compatible for the long haul. Marriage isn't just about romantic love. People who think it is are not prepared to weather the inevitable ups, downs, and daily doldrums of life together.

Being prepared to weather life together requires commitment, not knowledge of compatibility. In fact, you should probably be committed to commitment long before the person is in the picture. That's how you can evaluate and decide if that person is the one who will fit or not. The heady romantic days of early love are a great place to start a marriage.

So many people people are jaded from repeatedly putting the cart before the horse and still end up divorcing the person they thought they "knew so well".
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2021 11:24     Subject: Re:Boyfriend Mad I Won’t Move In
Anonymous wrote:You need to break up with him because if you aren't yet, you'll never be "sure". Him asking you to move in instead of get married is a bad sign too.

You absolutely can know if you are ready for commitment in 6 months. You just aren't that interested in him, and that's okay.


This is so wrong. You might know by 6 months, but that is the exception. It's more likely that at 6 months you can envision marrying that person because you're in the heady, romantic days of early love. It usually takes longer to know you're compatible for the long haul. Marriage isn't just about romantic love. People who think it is are not prepared to weather the inevitable ups, downs, and daily doldrums of life together.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2021 11:02     Subject: Re:Boyfriend Mad I Won’t Move In
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Him asking you to move in instead of get married is a bad sign too.


How is that a bad sign?

He isn't serious about commitment and being a husband if he won't propose *before* moving in.

Granted, you could give him the benefit of the doubt and say he's sincere but a bit awkward. All OP has to do is ask for the commitment first, and then she would avoid finding herself in the same relationship limbo she was in with her ex. But it sounds like she is the one who isn't interested in commitment, at least not to this guy.


You move in together when you want to live together now. You propose when you want to grow old together. Two different decisions. Living together was fantastic.