Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's about freedom and flexibility for sure. Kids never came to my house growing up because my mom is a control freak who made us seek approval for every little thing. Now we have kids in our house ALL THE TIME. They don't knock and don't ask to come over, they just do. They break all of our stuff (it's almost all boys in our neighborhood), eat all our food, and make a disaster of the house. You have to be accepting of those inconveniences. I know when I buy a new pool toy or basketball it won't last a week. It's part of the deal. DH is better at not worrying about the mess. Sometimes I have to hide in my room.

You're kidding right?

That kind of behavior is not acceptable anywhere you go.

Sad that your expectations are so low, what kind of animals are you raising there. I feel for your mom...

I agree! It’s one thing to make your house welcome & easy going; it’s another thing to tolerate feral children who break your stuff and disrespect your home! Hell no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's about freedom and flexibility for sure. Kids never came to my house growing up because my mom is a control freak who made us seek approval for every little thing. Now we have kids in our house ALL THE TIME. They don't knock and don't ask to come over, they just do. They break all of our stuff (it's almost all boys in our neighborhood), eat all our food, and make a disaster of the house. You have to be accepting of those inconveniences. I know when I buy a new pool toy or basketball it won't last a week. It's part of the deal. DH is better at not worrying about the mess. Sometimes I have to hide in my room.

You're kidding right?

That kind of behavior is not acceptable anywhere you go.

Sad that your expectations are so low, what kind of animals are you raising there. I feel for your mom...

Anonymous wrote:It's about freedom and flexibility for sure. Kids never came to my house growing up because my mom is a control freak who made us seek approval for every little thing. Now we have kids in our house ALL THE TIME. They don't knock and don't ask to come over, they just do. They break all of our stuff (it's almost all boys in our neighborhood), eat all our food, and make a disaster of the house. You have to be accepting of those inconveniences. I know when I buy a new pool toy or basketball it won't last a week. It's part of the deal. DH is better at not worrying about the mess. Sometimes I have to hide in my room.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is one of those things like how do you get a good sleeper that is actually not predictable but people who have been successful like to think it’s due to what they did.

This is NOTHING like that... that's a ridiculous analogy.

This is something you need to cultivate and put effort into.

There's a difference between a parent that's open & welcoming and a parent with such severe anxiety that they freak out at the the THOUGHT of someone coming over, forget about if their kid actually asks.

There's a difference between a parent who is genuine and warm, and one who can barely stand the thought of kids being in their home.

There's a difference between a parent giving kids the respect of personal space and one who hovers over them listening in to all conversations.

There's a difference between a parent who has a genuine care for those who enter their home, and one who can barely feign their ambivalence
& resting b-i-t-c-h face when anyone comes over.

There's a difference between a parent who is easy going and doesnt sweat the small stuff, and a parent who looms about and watched like a hawk to make sure the ottoman isn't moved over an inch, or the vacuum lines aren't ruined.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say the fact that you didn't know any of this and think it's all left up to chance; tells me that you're most definitely the latter parent in every single one of these scenarios.

You are so wrong. I’m a relaxed parent, and would be happy to have kids in my house while I read upstairs and let them snack and hang. My kids are both very popular and social. But they don’t like other kids in their space, and they like to be able to leave and go home when they are done socializing instead of having to kick kids out. It’s really a lot to do with the personality of your kids.

Obviously you haven’t learned the most important of parenting, which is first and foremost that you are not in control of everything.

This. I have snacks and fun things and space. But my kids say they like going to friends’ houses for various reasons. One who is kind of an introvert would rather go to a friends house so he can leave when he wants to. One just says she likes being able to hang out somewhere other than home since she spends a lot of time at home when not with friends, One has a best friend who really wants everyone to hang at his house, so their group of friends go there because my kid doesn’t care. It’s about the kids preferences, not what I’m doing right or wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: comments on drugs/alcohol

Growing up, the hangout house was not the party house. The hangout house had present parents that respected privacy and we’re kind and welcoming. They also had snacks. The party houses had absent parents and that’s about it.

+1000
My kids friends don't drink.
They'd rather hang out laughing with their friends then trying to sneak alcohol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ack! This thread is making me feel guilty. My daughter loves having her friends over, but our house is on the smaller side and they take up a lot of SPACE. I admit having them over makes me anxious. I basically hide in my room. I wish my house was bigger! I’m really going to try to be more relaxed & welcoming like the PP’s suggestion.

Please don't be hard on yourself, I'm sure your DD understands. ❤

Do you have a yard?

If you do, you can relieve your guilt by making your yard a super cool hang out spot, and the kids love being outside.

When we're moved into the house we just bought, we put twinkle lights out, bought a firepit (mine are teens though).
We also bought these great all weather chairs that are actually quite comfortable to hang out in.
We also bought these wireless, portable speakers, and wireless portable chargers too, so they could all be outside, listening to music and they don't have to worry about their phones dying

Yes, my kids and their friends love hanging inside during the summertime when the weather is stifling hot and buggy, but they REALLY love hanging outside in the fall making s'mores, during the winter (before it gets too cold) hanging in front of the firepit, and springtime just before it gets really hot in this area.

I've always let them decide whether they hang inside or out and 9 times out of 10 they prefer to hang outside... it's something about being in the open air, and regardless that I'm all the way upstairs and totally out of earshot, I think being outside just really gives them a sense of being on their own and have privacy.

I think it especially works when you have most of the comforts of inside outside (all except the xbox, lol).

Best part is that I got everything I mentioned (the twinkle lights, the fire pit, the chairs, the wireless speakers & wireless chargers, etc) all for under $200.

So, you don't have to spend a lot of money for kids to want to hang out at your home too. 😉

* btw, I'm the pp who's mom passed from pancreatic cancer on page 1.

Anonymous wrote:

I think this is one of those things like how do you get a good sleeper that is actually not predictable but people who have been successful like to think it’s due to what they did.

Anonymous wrote:Re: comments on drugs/alcohol

Growing up, the hangout house was not the party house. The hangout house had present parents that respected privacy and we’re kind and welcoming. They also had snacks. The party houses had absent parents and that’s about it.

Anonymous wrote:My sister's house was always the hangout. Nothing big or fancy, but laid back and everyone was always welcome.

Her kids are grown and out of the house now, but when everyone's home for the holidays, the friends all still show up. It's really sweet.

Anonymous wrote:Ack! This thread is making me feel guilty. My daughter loves having her friends over, but our house is on the smaller side and they take up a lot of SPACE. I admit having them over makes me anxious. I basically hide in my room. I wish my house was bigger! I’m really going to try to be more relaxed & welcoming like the PP’s suggestion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:snacks and giving them (perceived) space.....and snacks....

+1 If you feed them, they will come

Yup.
I saw an idea on a college board about filling one of those over the door plastic shoe hangers with a big variety of snacks and sending it off to college with your kid. I made one for our basement and it's oddly a huge hit with the kids who come over.
They love picking from it like it's a vending machine.