Anonymous
02/17/2024 21:55
Subject: I hate my girlfriends mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Odds are very high she will turn into her mother or feel differently once she has kids. I've seen it happen.
....and the opposite is much more common. The daughter will do everything in the world to not end up like her mother.
But it has to be an active process with lots of thought all along the way. I am very different from my mom but her voice runs through my head. It took me a very long to realize it and change my response. I still hear the voice all the time but I don’t openly react to it. It’s hard, and I’ll say with each life change, I’ve found there was still more work to do. For me, having teens was the hardest.
Anonymous
02/17/2024 21:32
Subject: I hate my girlfriends mother
Anonymous wrote:Odds are very high she will turn into her mother or feel differently once she has kids. I've seen it happen.
....and the opposite is much more common. The daughter will do everything in the world to not end up like her mother.
Anonymous
02/17/2024 19:57
Subject: I hate my girlfriends mother
If you can stay away from your girlfriend's mom, things may go well, but when people have kids, they often think they need to rekindle the relationship and there may be attempts, dealing with her, pain, your girlfriend may excuse her actions or side with her mom against you, etc. Any major life event may spur your girlfriend to try and make it work. You may be dealing with her more than you think. Proceed with caution.
One other thing: you will deal with the effects of the mom's abuse on your girlfriend. My in laws are terrible people and we don't see them. However, they have loomed large in my marriage because of the effects of abuse on my husband. It has affected a lot of things over the years in a long marriage--I really had no idea about how abuse works in someone's life. You are not out of the woods even if you go no contact, I'm sorry to say.
One other thing: you will deal with the effects of the mom's abuse on your girlfriend. My in laws are terrible people and we don't see them. However, they have loomed large in my marriage because of the effects of abuse on my husband. It has affected a lot of things over the years in a long marriage--I really had no idea about how abuse works in someone's life. You are not out of the woods even if you go no contact, I'm sorry to say.
Anonymous
02/17/2024 19:54
Subject: Re:I hate my girlfriends mother
OP, what you have described about your GF's family of origin is very rough. I don't blame her for wanting to escape the family.
If you respect and love your GF and want to marry her, more power to you. BUT, I would say that you both need a therapist on speed dial and make sure that you both have tools to handle the many issues that will come up.
(Not just with the GF's mom, but also because of the utterly dysfunctional family and the trauma that it has caused your GF. You have no idea how this trauma will manifest in your GF when things get stressful with job, career, marriage, children, eldercare etc).
So, work on yourself and draw firm boundaries with the mother.
If you respect and love your GF and want to marry her, more power to you. BUT, I would say that you both need a therapist on speed dial and make sure that you both have tools to handle the many issues that will come up.
(Not just with the GF's mom, but also because of the utterly dysfunctional family and the trauma that it has caused your GF. You have no idea how this trauma will manifest in your GF when things get stressful with job, career, marriage, children, eldercare etc).
So, work on yourself and draw firm boundaries with the mother.
Anonymous
02/17/2024 19:46
Subject: I hate my girlfriends mother
I can’t stand my in-laws. They are awful and if I would have really thought and considered it-I wouldn’t have married my husband. That being said it’s a very different situation-as he is extremely close with his family. You say your girlfriend already knows her mom is crazy and doesn’t want a relationship with her so I think you will be fine. Although I will say, sometimes things change for women when they have kids and she may rethink it. So just keep that in mind.
Anonymous
02/17/2024 18:27
Subject: I hate my girlfriends mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Don't marry this woman. Just don't
When you marry, you marry the family. Especially for men.
Only if DW is close to her family which doesn't seem to be in this case!
Then he's lucky. My DW is very close to her family and it's a nightmare. Especially because I want to move.
Anonymous
02/17/2024 13:29
Subject: I hate my girlfriends mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Don't marry this woman. Just don't
When you marry, you marry the family. Especially for men.
Only if DW is close to her family which doesn't seem to be in this case!
Anonymous
02/17/2024 12:10
Subject: I hate my girlfriends mother
Anonymous wrote:Don't marry this woman. Just don't
When you marry, you marry the family. Especially for men.
Anonymous
02/17/2024 10:24
Subject: I hate my girlfriends mother
My mother is like this, and I moved with my boyfriend, now husband, across the Atlantic, 20 years ago.
It's been great.
Your girlfriend is right, OP. Geographic distance will solve all your problems.
Anonymous
02/17/2024 10:06
Subject: I hate my girlfriends mother
Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I are so great together but I can’t stand her mother. She is the Debbie downer in every situation. She’s constantly complaining, yelling, and gossiping. She is very two faced amen constantly gossiping and talks badly about people. Shes kind of that person who calls everyone else hateful and immature, but doesn’t see that she is just like that. She is very belittling to her husband. My girlfriend had a strained relationship with her mom because of this. She has said many times she wants to move to another state and have as little contact with her as possible. She also does not want her involved with future kids because she is horrible. She is also very threatened by the close relationship my girlfriend has with my mom. I love my girlfriend and intend on marrying her and having a great future together, but how do I deal with a less than ideal in-law?
A woman troll wrote this OP.
Anonymous
02/17/2024 10:04
Subject: I hate my girlfriends mother
My mother is a nightmare and while I do share some qualities in common with her DH is happy to report that I haven’t “turned into” her after 16 years.
Anonymous
02/17/2024 08:53
Subject: I hate my girlfriends mother
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Odds are very high she will turn into her mother or feel differently once she has kids. I've seen it happen.
OP here. She has been the exact opposite and I don’t think she will ever turn into her mother.
The changes that happen post children cannot be underestimated. Very very likely she will slowly transform into her mother.
Anonymous
02/17/2024 08:36
Subject: I hate my girlfriends mother
You can’t marry into that. Just can’t.