Anonymous
Post 08/05/2021 10:52     Subject: Is it reasonable to ask a newlywed couple to go out for drinks in the evening after their wedding?
No.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2021 10:51     Subject: Is it reasonable to ask a newlywed couple to go out for drinks in the evening after their wedding?
If sister wants to start off on the wrong foot with new SIL then it’s a great idea.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2021 10:09     Subject: Is it reasonable to ask a newlywed couple to go out for drinks in the evening after their wedding?
What?!?! Very rude and presumptuous. Does she honestly think the bride wants to play get-to-know-you after that long day?

Clearly meeting the future SIL has not been her priority before now so it can wait until after the wedding. It's not like it's going to change anything - SIL is coming into the family one way or another. Find a time later to get to know her on a real level, not over drinks in a bar.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2021 08:46     Subject: Is it reasonable to ask a newlywed couple to go out for drinks in the evening after their wedding?
The couple can suggest going out for drinks if they choose, but no on else should.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2021 06:51     Subject: Re:Is it reasonable to ask a newlywed couple to go out for drinks in the evening after their wedding?
Super super rude. Absolutely no.
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2021 17:26     Subject: Re:Is it reasonable to ask a newlywed couple to go out for drinks in the evening after their wedding?
Anonymous wrote:This is a classic example of Askers vs. Guessers:

https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2010/05/askers-vs-guessers/340891/

I would be fine with being asked, and I would also not hesitate to say no if I didn't want to do it. I do think this is a high likelihood "no" scenario. But to me, why not ask if the couple wants to go out for drinks? It's an invitation, not a dunning notice. You just have to completely accept any version of no for an answer.


mmm no, it's not "askers v guessers." it's a really socially inappropriate question because the answer is almost certainly no - the only way it would be "yes" is if the couple felt pressured into it. it's not being an "asker" to push push boundaries.

the only excuse I can see for this is if the sister was ACTUALLY just asking if there was going to be an afterparty.
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2021 17:25     Subject: Re:Is it reasonable to ask a newlywed couple to go out for drinks in the evening after their wedding?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think this is fine. We had drinks until 2 a.m. in the hotel lobby with a number of out of town guests after our wedding. Many had flown in, and we hadn't had much time to hang out and have an actual conversation with people during our wedding or even the pre-wedding festivities. We have a whole lifetime to be married. It was nice to spend time with friends/family who had come a long way to celebrate our union.


As others have said that's different than a one on one kind of gathering. If the couple is planning an afterparty, and many people do, then sure, the sister should join the party. But she also shouldn't be offended if she only gets a few minutes of time.


That was my post. It wasn't a formal after party. It was drinks with my spouse and I with about 8 other people who had come a long way to see us and were staying in the wedding hotel. Maybe OP's relative could do this too (for the sister and other out of towners.)
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2021 17:23     Subject: Re:Is it reasonable to ask a newlywed couple to go out for drinks in the evening after their wedding?
Anonymous wrote:I think this is fine. We had drinks until 2 a.m. in the hotel lobby with a number of out of town guests after our wedding. Many had flown in, and we hadn't had much time to hang out and have an actual conversation with people during our wedding or even the pre-wedding festivities. We have a whole lifetime to be married. It was nice to spend time with friends/family who had come a long way to celebrate our union.


As others have said that's different than a one on one kind of gathering. If the couple is planning an afterparty, and many people do, then sure, the sister should join the party. But she also shouldn't be offended if she only gets a few minutes of time.
Anonymous
Post 08/02/2021 17:11     Subject: Re:Is it reasonable to ask a newlywed couple to go out for drinks in the evening after their wedding?
I think this is fine. We had drinks until 2 a.m. in the hotel lobby with a number of out of town guests after our wedding. Many had flown in, and we hadn't had much time to hang out and have an actual conversation with people during our wedding or even the pre-wedding festivities. We have a whole lifetime to be married. It was nice to spend time with friends/family who had come a long way to celebrate our union.