Anonymous
Post 07/22/2021 19:58     Subject: Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would let him go. At some point I preferred to have some alone time to manage the babies as I pleased.


Did you prefer that when you were 8 weeks into it with a newborn?



I did I really didn’t want anybody around the 1st 3 months.

My H also travelled for work so this thread is foreign to me.


My exh traveled for work too but a trip to vegas during paternity leave is a different thing.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2021 19:49     Subject: Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just had baby #2 and DH and I are at home on parental leave with a 3.5 year old and a 4-week old. A couple of DH’s friends are going to Vegas for a weekend in a month and he wants to join them. I said no and that it seems pretty selfish and now he is acting cold. Seriously, what gives? Should he be able to go to Vegas and stick me with a newborn who is nursing around the clock and a 3 year old? I don’t understand why he would even ask. I doubt he’d want me to go for a weekend with friends and leave him with a new baby and a preschooler…
Has anyone else ran in to this? Am I the jerk for not letting him go blow a bunch of $$ in Vegas with his buddies while we are on leave?


He really doesn't need permission. He can do whatever he wants. It may not be convenient for you, and you don't have to like it, but that's life.
It's nice he gave you a heads up.


Oh, okay. Then OP should give her DH a heads up that she's going to spend her maternity leave taking a few classes at the local community college. It's what she wants and that's life. Her DH will just need to arrange his life so that he can be with their two children during her classes because she can do whatever she wants. It's nice she gave him a heads up instead of just assuming he'd be home to provide 100% of the childcare during that time, actually.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2021 19:30     Subject: Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would let him go. At some point I preferred to have some alone time to manage the babies as I pleased.


Did you prefer that when you were 8 weeks into it with a newborn?



I did I really didn’t want anybody around the 1st 3 months.

My H also travelled for work so this thread is foreign to me.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2021 19:27     Subject: Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave
Anonymous wrote:Just had baby #2 and DH and I are at home on parental leave with a 3.5 year old and a 4-week old. A couple of DH’s friends are going to Vegas for a weekend in a month and he wants to join them. I said no and that it seems pretty selfish and now he is acting cold. Seriously, what gives? Should he be able to go to Vegas and stick me with a newborn who is nursing around the clock and a 3 year old? I don’t understand why he would even ask. I doubt he’d want me to go for a weekend with friends and leave him with a new baby and a preschooler…
Has anyone else ran in to this? Am I the jerk for not letting him go blow a bunch of $$ in Vegas with his buddies while we are on leave?


He really doesn't need permission. He can do whatever he wants. It may not be convenient for you, and you don't have to like it, but that's life.
It's nice he gave you a heads up.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2021 19:19     Subject: Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave
What a manchild. You married poorly.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2021 17:36     Subject: Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would let him go. At some point I preferred to have some alone time to manage the babies as I pleased.


Did you prefer that when you were 8 weeks into it with a newborn?


DP. Yes.


DP. Me also. I’d be fine with it. You can take trips later. Time with friends is very important to me, so I am always ready to give it to my husband. This is a long term situation. It’s important to install what you want to have.


I "let" my husband go to Coachella with his friends when we had two toddlers and a newborn. This is marriage specific, what works for you. I got mine later believe me.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2021 17:26     Subject: Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave
My husband left me for a week when my second was three weeks old. I ended up with mastitis and I still resent him for it. I think it’s what led us to get therapy.

His was supposedly for work but I am convinced he could have gotten out of it.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2021 17:10     Subject: Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think he should be able to get some me time on his paternity leave but a weekend across the country sounds awful. He shouldn’t have asked for that, especially if he didn’t offer to arrange help with the kids. But he taking just might not know a) how difficult it would be to take care of the kids in this situation and b) that not considering the burden it places on you is indeed selfish. So I would do my best to be understanding. Easier said than done though, especially when you’re taking care of a newborn.


And this is WHY some people think maternity leave is vacation because you are parroting that this douchebag gets some me time during paternity leave. Im aghast at this response.


To be be clear I don’t think that paternity leave is a special time for getting “me” time. Parents should always get me time both during parental leave and after. So yeah I do think that OP’s husband, if he is spending a ton of time with the kids. Not like what he’s asking for, but an afternoon out with friends? Sure. Same goes for OP.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2021 16:44     Subject: Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave
This is the kind of thing where it is a big ask, but I think he should be OK with bringing it up and honestly asking you - and you can decide if you’re comfortable with it, and maybe you can have a girls weekend in a couple of months when you want one. You can decide together if it works.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2021 15:49     Subject: Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would let him go. At some point I preferred to have some alone time to manage the babies as I pleased.


Did you prefer that when you were 8 weeks into it with a newborn?


DP. Yes.


DP. Me also. I’d be fine with it. You can take trips later. Time with friends is very important to me, so I am always ready to give it to my husband. This is a long term situation. It’s important to install what you want to have.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2021 15:08     Subject: Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave
Ask him if you can take a couple days when he gets back — it’s YOUR maternity leave and you just pushed a bowling ball sized kid out. See what he says about that.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2021 15:07     Subject: Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think he should be able to get some me time on his paternity leave but a weekend across the country sounds awful. He shouldn’t have asked for that, especially if he didn’t offer to arrange help with the kids. But he taking just might not know a) how difficult it would be to take care of the kids in this situation and b) that not considering the burden it places on you is indeed selfish. So I would do my best to be understanding. Easier said than done though, especially when you’re taking care of a newborn.


And this is WHY some people think maternity leave is vacation because you are parroting that this douchebag gets some me time during paternity leave. Im aghast at this response.


Good observation.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2021 15:06     Subject: Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave
I would be pissed that he asked and about his response. Having two kids those ages is an all hands on deck situation. Geez.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2021 15:04     Subject: Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave
I don’t think he’s a jerk, probably just clueless. I wouldn’t have wanted my DH to do that trip, but I know some women would be okay with it.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2021 15:02     Subject: Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think he should be able to get some me time on his paternity leave but a weekend across the country sounds awful. He shouldn’t have asked for that, especially if he didn’t offer to arrange help with the kids. But he taking just might not know a) how difficult it would be to take care of the kids in this situation and b) that not considering the burden it places on you is indeed selfish. So I would do my best to be understanding. Easier said than done though, especially when you’re taking care of a newborn.


Wait. What? It is PATERNITY not FRATERNITY leave. It was created because it is difficult for one parent dealing with newborns (let alone with a toddler) those first weeks postpartum. I say this as a mom of kids close in age whose husband traveled ALOT so I spent many years alone dealing with the kids. I agree let him go with the toddler if he thinks being with him/her is NBD let alone with newborn. Learn from my mistakes. He needs to participate in this now or you will NEVER get that girls trip.


When I had a newborn and a 3 yo my husband spent one afternoon playing frisbee with his brothers and friends, and I’m glad he did. He needed that time. But of course the rest of his time was spent doing skin to skin time, playing with the 3 yo, folding laundry, etc. There has to be a balance.

But yeah, a weekend in Vegas with his friends would be a hard no and I would be upset if he asked.


I’m the pp and I agree everyone needs some time, paternity leave is not time to take a vacation from your family.