Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the difference between a crush and falling for someone?

NP here — my “harmless crush” on a friend has lasted 1.5 years now and definitely feels more like having fallen for the person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me tell you, if I were not married...and this person was available...fireworks.

When you know, you know. Problem is what to do about that.

Anonymous wrote:Let me tell you, if I were not married...and this person was available...fireworks.

Anonymous wrote:I have not seen my work crush today, am sad. He's so pretty!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of my crushes are celebrities / people I’ll never meet so that’s harmless. In fact, it helps fuel fantasy and that helps my marriage. I find one of my husband’s friends cute, and think it’s mutual, but it never goes past things like “oh, your new haircut is great” or something like that.

Celebrity crushes are normal. Crushes on your spouse's friends crossed a boundary imo as does flirting with them, but that's just my stance other people conduct their relationships differently.

I’m the pp who wrote the post. I don’t say anything “flirty” over text, and never see the friend without my husband, so I think that helps keep boundaries. Now he’s on the other side of the country. We did have a multi-hour chat the other day: mostly on topics like our parents’ health, racism etc so nothing flirty there! A lot of how my crush manifests is I’m constantly trying to think of someone to set him up with - or was before he moved. My friends are mostly married moms though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of my crushes are celebrities / people I’ll never meet so that’s harmless. In fact, it helps fuel fantasy and that helps my marriage. I find one of my husband’s friends cute, and think it’s mutual, but it never goes past things like “oh, your new haircut is great” or something like that.

Celebrity crushes are normal. Crushes on your spouse's friends crossed a boundary imo as does flirting with them, but that's just my stance other people conduct their relationships differently.

Anonymous wrote:What’s the difference between a crush and falling for someone?

Anonymous wrote:A lot of my crushes are celebrities / people I’ll never meet so that’s harmless. In fact, it helps fuel fantasy and that helps my marriage. I find one of my husband’s friends cute, and think it’s mutual, but it never goes past things like “oh, your new haircut is great” or something like that.

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Having a crush is not active, it's passive. You could have a crush and no one would ever know, not even the object of your crush. I think it happens to most people.

Flirting? That's different, and unless you're very sure that it won't get back to any co-workers, friends or spouse, it has the potential of turning people against you, sometimes permanently. There are few circumstances when you could flirt without anyone you know witnessing that, unless you're a traveling salesperson or similar.

Being just friends: that's a grey area. Lots of people have work wives or work husbands, ie, someone of the opposite sex at work with whom they get along well. You could have a crush on them too, but not flirt, just... spend time with them in a friendly way.

That part. Work spouses are for the immature and will likely bring more drama than needed.

Nonsense. People who can't handle their spouse having a non-sexual relationship with a member of the opposite sex are immature.

A friendship sure. A relationship or a work spouse np? If you want this kind of things marriage isn't for you.

Sounds like you have a very weak marriage if you think these harmless work relationships pose such a threat.

I'll echo pp and say the concept of a work spouse is immature, and go a step further and call it disrespectful. DH and I both have friends that are opposite sex at work and outside of work we'd never even playful refer to them as our spouses. And I question your need to refer to a friend as a spouse even playfully.

Eh. My wife and I are happy in our marriage and aren’t threatened by each other’s platonic, opposite -sex relationships. Because we are mature adults.

Your wife is cool with calling your female friends your spouse? Well isn't she super cool!

She is indeed super cool! And she is a mature, grown up adult, who trusts me and is not a jealous shrew.

And don't tink I didn't notice you failed to answer my actual question.

Anonymous wrote:Let me tell you, if I were not married...and this person was available...fireworks.

Anonymous wrote:For me, actually hanging out and getting to know my crushes (in group situations) makes them fade...because if you keep a distance, you keep fantasizing that he's some perfect guy, but when you get to know them you realize that they're just as flawed as your spouse