So I have an expensive house, but it is not a 6 bedroom mansion. It barely fit us. The appreciation comment is spot on, my house kept going up in value and I was able to tap some of that appreciation to pay tuition. Not sustainable, but don't lecture me about living beyond my means. It is DC after all and homes and the cost of living is expensive. Not NYC expensive but expensive.

I coud sell, pay off the mortgages and rent for about what I pay for my mortgage(s). I could stay and hope the house goes back up in value. It is not under water but there is no more room for leverage mostly because I would likely not qualify to have additional debt (both the value and the mortgage as well as my ability to pay).

My kid goes to a generous school. Some people may know we get help, some may not. It is indeed private, or at least supposed to be, but I certainly don't hide it nor do I flaunt it. I appreciate it.

I have a good job and a good house. But I also have other expenses that are not perhaps known to gossipy moms seeing where we may vacation (we don't). I have an old broken down car. We have sacrificed so much to pay our share of the tuition (like no college savings at all, foregone house repairs, wear hand me downs, no new clothes, cut coupons, have had garage sales to raise money, cut our own hair, don't go out, never go to the movies anymore for example, have cut out our land line, anything we can do to save or cut...and on and on). So you can think whatever you want about me on my expensive (but not so nice) house and my cushy job and think I am gaming the system.

I cant believe that you think you can know who gets aid, how much and exactly what someone's situation is. As mentioned before, if you don't like it, then volunteer your time and try to effectuate change so that your school no longer gives aid to those they deem needy but those that the parents do.

Here's the thing... there are always people who are going to get over! So what! Some of the people complainig about FA Fraud are the same ones who test prepped their kids or used a connection to get their DC in a certain school! SOME even bought their way in to the school by promising large donations! SO you can't get around so called FRAUD! I am sure there are some super smart interesting kids who scored 99's on the WPPSI (w/o any help) who were waitlisted or rejected because some parent used wealth and connections to leverage their DC chances of getting into a particular school! LET IT GO!!! Some how, some way, someone is going to have to pay for it! If you are this disturbed about it STOP DONATING!! THEN you do not have to feel someone is getting YOUR money! It's actually a pretty simple fix!!

How dare you accuse these people of misrepresenting their financial situations to get FA??!! They only lie about their vacations....

Let me get this straight. My "Jesus" is swearing...but your "bitching" is not?

Okay.

Listen, am I accusing you of fraud? Then relax. I really didn't expect so much flap over simply QUESTIONING the validity of some people's profressed impoverishment.

There's no need to swear.

I believe that individuals should focus on their own personal issues and stop speculating about people they're not positive about. Fraud is a very serious charge and is something you have to be completely certain about before making accusations. However, once sure, it should be reported to the school authorities. Bitching about it in this forum serves no one.

Jesus. You would think we are complaining about welfare parents. We are not. We are complaining about fraud.

Is the Financial Aid given to parents public information? Aren't there privacy rules? I don't think that information should be disclosed because it causes a lot of the judgement calls that have been going on in this forum. In addition, the negative feelings non financial aid parents have can be passed on to their kids who can go ahead and make the recipient kids feel poorly in school for something that has nothing to do with the child.

Anyone agree?

I think we should end on that note! Thanks PP!!

Anonymous wrote:It just seems like the OP wants families who are on financial aid to panhandle on the weekends with a sign "will work for food" and eat at soup kitchens. You never know how people are REALLY living. It could all be a lie. They could be one month away from getting kicked out of their house. Who knows, but it really is none of your business. If you don't like it, don't give. If you give it is because you want to - what do you expect, that they will show up and shine your shoes and mow your lawn because you contributed to auction. Things are never how they seem...who knows people might think YOU are a nice person.....

Well said. We all should allow for the FA-recipients to maintain their personal dignity. What you think appears to be a posh lifestyle may just be a facade over a reality of scrimping and saving. The fancy trip someone brags about may not have happened; her family may have driven to a relatives' house for the holidays and stayed their cheaply. Do you really begrudge her renting a gold BMW instead of a cheaper car if it makes her and her children feel they fit in better in the drop-off-pick-up lane at school? To insist that she never go out for a restaurant meal becuse it is cheaper to cook at home? All this is just cavilling. Best to mind your own business and live straight yourself.

It just seems like the OP wants families who are on financial aid to panhandle on the weekends with a sign "will work for food" and eat at soup kitchens. You never know how people are REALLY living. It could all be a lie. They could be one month away from getting kicked out of their house. Who knows, but it really is none of your business. If you don't like it, don't give. If you give it is because you want to - what do you expect, that they will show up and shine your shoes and mow your lawn because you contributed to auction. Things are never how they seem...who knows people might think YOU are a nice person.....

Anonymous wrote:Man the OP might be talking about me. Well I have news for you honey -- you have NO CLUE. Do not judge someone else until you walk a mile in their shoes. You have no clue who else I am supporting on my income, what other expenses I have.

I cannot believe you don't have better things to do with your time than value my house (or someone else's). I have to live somewhere. The house costs less than what it would take to rent a place given the tax benefits. Real estate appreciation made my house worth a lot. And I borrowed heavily against it. And used that money to pay tuition among other things.

I am constantly crying poverty and I'm not lying about it. Yeah, we could sell the house (get not that much in this market) and move into a less expensive house. But I would not have enough to pay a deposit on a new house given the leverage on this one. Day of 100% financings are over.

Meanwhile you are a total you know what for worrying about me. Worry less about me, and my financial issues and more about yourself. Don't judge. You have no idea.

Why were you so stupid to invest in something so expensive? Who the F cares what lenders think you're qualified for? Live within your means.

Before marriage, I lived in a nice TH, and my husband owned a small house. When we sold both, we set a limit, and although we "qualified" for way over our limit, we knew better. So we socked away a good third of what we got when we sold our homes.

And we put down quite a bit to keep our already low payments down.

If you're into superficial living, you'll end up screwing yourself in the end if you're not careful.

So, PP, lament all you want. I don't feel sorry for you.

And yes, my child attends private, as will my son. But we're definitely not spending 30K a year in tuition b/c we know our limits.

These schools are for the ruling class, not the riff raff. A high class person with no money, but a legacy status for her kids is a good candidate.
People do not pay the kind of money that they pay without expecting access to the in crowd for their child in return

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the philosophical confusion. We want aid to be based on need. Not based on how big a cry baby you are.

I think the issue stems, in part, from the relationship between admissions and aid. I guess, in the end, I suspect there is (and I believe it's justified to have) a different standard for admissions depending on whether or not the parents can pay. If the parents can pay tuition, then the question is is the student qualified (can they do the work) and a more attractive candidate (for whatever reasons) than other qualified students whose parents can pay. OTOH, once we're talking about the school community providing reduced or free tuition for students, then the question becomes whom do we want to subsidize? One answer is people who bring something to our school community that tuition-paying members generally don't bring. Another is kids who will get the most out of this opportunity -- and that judgment may touch on all sort of things -- capacity for learning, alternatives to private, resources within the family/home environment, motivation, etc.

Clearly "need" isn't the only basis aid is distributed on -- private schools aren't admitting the least well-off pupils because they are the neediest. And if you go on "merit," when we're talking about young children what you are often doing is selecting based on privilege --parents' educational background, affluence, etc. And that may mean that the kids who least "need" private school have a better shot of getting FA than the kids who would benefit most from the subsidy. It all gets trickier when you take into account the fact that aid's not all or nothing -- then you have additional questions about how many people you want to help and about the distribution of incomes within the school. So it's not obvious what the right policies are but these are very real (and, yes, somewhat philosophical) questions that are being raised.

Yes, I understand that. I have a teacher living next door to me in a house that is in the $1 million range.

In my school, there is a single mom who I know is high income and who has a big house, and I think she gets FA just because there's no father involved. My household income is less than hers, for sure, and my house is smaller, and we're putting the same number of kids through school, only I'm doing it by shopping at Food Lion. So it does kind of bug me.

Anonymous wrote:Real estate appreciation made my house worth a lot. And I borrowed heavily against it.

Man, oh, man. This person is clueless if she thinks she deserves our sympathy or understanding for having used her house as an ATM.