Anonymous wrote:I come from a different culture where we are not used to wearing a bikini. We live in a community with a pool that is the focal point of all kids and social activities. So I let DH take the kids to the pool and for anything pool related. This weekend I ended up going along with DH and I got really jealous of the way DH was chatting with other women in bikinis. I can sense he is checking them out although with sunglasses it is all hidden.

I know I am in an impossible situation where I cannot take the kids because I am uncomfortable and find myself with envy at the way DH chats with other women when he takes them.

I am in good shape so it is not my weight or looks. Even with more modest swimwear it is really uncomfortable for me when men are around. I guess I am just venting but does it get more comfortable as you wear a bikini over time? Do other women find it uncomfortable at first and slowly get used to it? Or are you at ease right from the beginning?

Bikini or bathing suit, does your bush overgrow causing this issue?

Op, I am confused that you are not going to the pool with your kids on your own because you dont want to wear a bikini. But why not wear a modest swimsuit? Honestly, no one cares what the moms and dads at the community pool wear.

to me it seems there are a few different issues.

1) not going to pool at all. This seems to be the biggest as you are depriving yourself of some family time and its making you insecure (dh at pool w/o me chatting with women in bikinis). So why not start with modest swimsuits cover ups etc and just go to the pool.I am very fair and often wear swim shorts and a l/s swim shirt. Lands End sells swim dresses.Just get to the pool and remember that no one is really thinking about what you are wearing but you.

2) comfort with a bikini. Yes, I am sure it takes time, but again there's no reason why you ever have to wear a bikini. I wear one pieces or tankinis or swim shirts for sun protection. Never felt like I needed to wear a bikini

3) issue with husband noticing other women in bikinis. To me, this is a matter of degree. Is he just sort of checknig them out slyly (like ALL men do?) or is he ogling? Former, I'd say let it go, latter say something. But again, you not wearing a bikini is not causing him to stare or not stare and no one cares what you wear at the pool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I am glad to know there are others who feel uncomfortable like me in a bikini.

I understand it is me who needs to change or adapt. I want to be just like other women who are in a bikini with a drink in one hand and can confidently chat with men. I grew up in a culture where this is just not the norm.

So my question I guess really is, if this something that women just grow into it and if so, there is some hope for me. In that case maybe if I try wearing a few times I might slowly get comfortable after a while.

DH is white and is supportive of me in whatever I am comfortable. It is just as likely I am imagining things when I said checking out other women. But it how I feel.

Thanks for putting up with my rant and all the helpful suggestions!

I am in my 50s and a tall size 18. I gained weight over the last year and feel so gross. I recently went to a nude beach and it was life-altering. I took it all off and frolicked on in the waves. I had never been naked in front of anyone but a doctor or men I dated. A guy in his 20s came to hang out with us on the beach (it wasn't creepy). I also wore a bikini for the first time since I was 13. I suggest you follow Lizzo on her IG. Every body is a beach body. if someone is grossed out by me they don't have to look.

NP, I'm happy you got out there. I do follow Lizzo. While every body is a beach body, not all of of use are comfortable in binikis or at a nude beach. Whether it's board shorts and a swim shirt, one-piece, tankini, or bikini, we need to wear what we are comfortable in. Period.

I am the poster you quoted. I wasn't suggesting everyone needs to wear a bikini or go to a nude beach. The original question was "does it become comfortable over time" and my response was to show that yes, it can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an American girl born and raised with what is considered to be a bikini body-and I don't wear bikinis. I don't feel comfortable in them. I usually wear a 1 piece with a long wrap around them or even shorts and a shirt.


You wear what you're comfortable in.

Also, your DH is gross for leering at and flirting with women when he's supposed to be enjoying the day with his wife and kids.

To be fair, she said he was chatting and looking at them while wearing sunglasses… which could just mean talking to other parents who happen to be women and looking in their direction as is generally considered to be polite.

Yes of course the OP must mean something other than what she said because she's just a jealous hysterical woman!

well, you nailed it. no one, including OP knows what her DH was "doing" besides talking to other women at the community pool. presumably neighbors, parents, friends. but let's just play your silly game and assumed the absolute worst.

Anonymous wrote:Men will look at women's bodies. You can't stop it. Now, if he does it conspicuously, then that's a problem. But, as OP stated, he's wearing sunglasses so it's not obvious. She's miffed that he's chatting with these women. Did she say that he was flirtiing with them? I didn' read all 5 pages but her first post did not seem to indicate that there was any flirtation going on.

And its not like he's staring/leering/ogling at them.

He's looking at them when they are speaking to each other. It would be rude if he DIDN'T look at someone when they were having a conversation.

I think it's odd that you think being comfortable in a bikini is "bettering" yourself or that not wanting to wear one is a "problem." However, given that it seems to be a goal of yours for some reason, I think you should go for it and you will get more comfortable over time. I am typically self-conscious when I first go out in anything revealing (bikini, low-cut shirt, tight dress, whatever) but I relax after I've had it on for a while and realize no one really cares.

I would probably start with a one-piece and work up to the bikini, but it's up to you. Right now there are a lot of high-waisted bikini bottoms on the market that cover more of your stomach, which could also be a bit of a middle ground too. I am bigger-chested and I prefer triangle-style tops with the strings because they are easier to adjust to ensure the right support, although if you are smaller-chested that may not be a concern. Feeling like my chest is not supported makes me super self-conscious and I end up tugging at the top the whole time.

Personally, I wear one-pieces to swim with my kids and save bikinis for kid-free beach/pool outings (fairly rare these days). With the kids I'm always bending over, carrying them around, lifting them in and out of the pool and I don't trust my bikinis to stay secure during those activities. But that's my preference (also somewhat related to being bigger-chested).

Anonymous wrote:I come from a different culture where we are not used to wearing a bikini. We live in a community with a pool that is the focal point of all kids and social activities. So I let DH take the kids to the pool and for anything pool related. This weekend I ended up going along with DH and I got really jealous of the way DH was chatting with other women in bikinis. I can sense he is checking them out although with sunglasses it is all hidden.

I know I am in an impossible situation where I cannot take the kids because I am uncomfortable and find myself with envy at the way DH chats with other women when he takes them.

I am in good shape so it is not my weight or looks. Even with more modest swimwear it is really uncomfortable for me when men are around. I guess I am just venting but does it get more comfortable as you wear a bikini over time? Do other women find it uncomfortable at first and slowly get used to it? Or are you at ease right from the beginning?

It seems very few, if any, actually answered your questions, OP. I get it’s a public forum and all, but people could at least try to answer the questions BEFORE deciding to dole out a bunch of unsolicited advice or go on ranting diatribes. Such is life, I guess.

Yes, in my opinion, it does get more comfortable over time. That is, if you’re uncomfortable at first eventually you’ll get used to it. Obviously there are some who are at ease right from the beginning, some who may be thought of as having no shame, but there’s probably fewer of those types out in the wild. I’ve been wearing bikinis my entire life, and even I’m sometimes a little uncomfortable when I first try out a new trend that’s different than what I’m used to. You’d never guess it though because I’m very petite and trim, so most would probably accuse me of being an attention seeker if I ever expressed any sort of insecurity about it.

For example, I started wearing the cheeky high-leg bikini bottoms last year and it was not something I was used to, coming from the hipster style bottoms with moderate coverage. My butt got some color for once! The more I wore them, the less uncomfortable I became. This summer, those are the only bottoms I reach for and what I’m most comfortable in. I even pointed out to my DH a few weeks ago as I was trying on a new suit I ordered how it was funny that I felt uncomfortable when I first started wearing those bottoms but now that’s all I wear and I specifically look for bottoms like that anytime I order a new suit.

That doesn’t mean I’m going to take it further and sport a brazilian or a thong, because those just aren’t my jam. I also don’t hang out at community pools, so I can’t speak to that, either. Your mileage may vary on that front, as it seems most community-oriented activities these days are seldom served without a side of overarching competitiveness.

The point is, though, that the overwhelming majority aren’t comfortable when they do anything for the first time in their lives. And it may or may not always be apparent, either. Most often, someone’s comfort level is a gradual slope they’ve eased into as their exposure to it increased. Obviously, I’m talking about volunteered/wanted exposure, and not forced. As long as you’d like to be able to do something, and then decidedly do it, you’ll eventually get more comfortable with it.

I always wear a coverup. More because I don't want weird guys like your husband staring at me or teenaged boys and also because I burn so easily.

Men will look at women's bodies. You can't stop it. Now, if he does it conspicuously, then that's a problem. But, as OP stated, he's wearing sunglasses so it's not obvious. She's miffed that he's chatting with these women. Did she say that he was flirtiing with them? I didn' read all 5 pages but her first post did not seem to indicate that there was any flirtation going on.

Anonymous wrote:Women wearing bikinis at the pool aren't wearing bikinis "at you." They're just wearing what suits them best. I think OP has some hangups and insecurities that are clouding her view (as are others, based on other bikini posts on this board).

I think the best way to get used to people in bathing suits is to just go to the pool. Plenty of us who are active moms can also wear bikinis. They are easier to fit since you can buy tops and bottoms as separates, easier to use the bathroom, and make me feel freer at the pool. Not all of us burn easily.

This board has weird hangups about women in bikinis. Again, women are not wearing bikinis AT you, just like women wearing shorts aren't wearing shorts AT you, etc. Enough with the policing of women's bodies. It's gross.

Agree. If people want to look at bodies in an inappropriate way, there is tik tok or instagram. Normal women or men are just trying to relax/tan/not tan at the pool.

Women wearing bikinis at the pool aren't wearing bikinis "at you." They're just wearing what suits them best. I think OP has some hangups and insecurities that are clouding her view (as are others, based on other bikini posts on this board).

I think the best way to get used to people in bathing suits is to just go to the pool. Plenty of us who are active moms can also wear bikinis. They are easier to fit since you can buy tops and bottoms as separates, easier to use the bathroom, and make me feel freer at the pool. Not all of us burn easily.

This board has weird hangups about women in bikinis. Again, women are not wearing bikinis AT you, just like women wearing shorts aren't wearing shorts AT you, etc. Enough with the policing of women's bodies. It's gross.

Anonymous wrote:I come from a different culture where we are not used to wearing a bikini. We live in a community with a pool that is the focal point of all kids and social activities. So I let DH take the kids to the pool and for anything pool related. This weekend I ended up going along with DH and I got really jealous of the way DH was chatting with other women in bikinis. I can sense he is checking them out although with sunglasses it is all hidden.

I know I am in an impossible situation where I cannot take the kids because I am uncomfortable and find myself with envy at the way DH chats with other women when he takes them.

I am in good shape so it is not my weight or looks. Even with more modest swimwear it is really uncomfortable for me when men are around. I guess I am just venting but does it get more comfortable as you wear a bikini over time? Do other women find it uncomfortable at first and slowly get used to it? Or are you at ease right from the beginning?

I was at ease from the very beginning, but where I come from, there's absolutely no hang ups about wearing tiny swimwear
In fact, some of the women would definitely looked better if they covered up some😆 but hey, to each their own. Trying not to judge.

Anonymous wrote:I don't like bikinis because I need sun protection. Tankinis I think are the worst of all worlds - they are less flattering than a flattering one piece and ride up which is annoying. But to each its own. I like a nice flattering one piece OR a rash guard and a bikini bottom/shorts.

Yep, some of the famous European designers key piece are all one piece.

I don't like bikinis because I need sun protection. Tankinis I think are the worst of all worlds - they are less flattering than a flattering one piece and ride up which is annoying. But to each its own. I like a nice flattering one piece OR a rash guard and a bikini bottom/shorts.

Does OP come from certain parts of Asia? I understand their culture tends to place red tapes around women's behavior, ranging from how to speak, what to wear and not being too great with math. Your issue with speaking to the opposite sex in a revealing outfit may stem from that definition of "is this out of the red tap area".

While bikini may not be the issue. I think the real issue is self-censorship. it severely hinders your ability to perform in intellectual space, whether it is working, or creating, or pursuing personal hobbies. I think you need to work on relieving yourself from this conceptual "jail" and re-evaluate if bikini is suitable for you - chances are, its probably not a great outfit for your intended activities.