Anonymous wrote:I find it telling that someone loves them enough to bear their burden - parents, spouse, children. They are blessed because someone is bringing them breakfast in bed, cooking for them, giving them money, taking them to cruises and resorts.

My question to all of you is - do you have someone in your life who will take care of you like this? If "No", then why not?

BTW - I am a spoiled lazy human but my family does not think so.

It’s typically not love that sustains these lopsided situations. Typically it is enmeshment, codependency, and psychological abuse.

Many SAHMs with kids in school who don't cook and complain about how hard their "job" is.

Anonymous wrote:I know a SAHM who does not get up in the mornings to get her kids read for school. Her husband does and he also packs their lunches, does all the grocery shopping and makes all the dinners because “he likes it.” He also plans all the travel and handles all the home maintenance and renovations. When her two kids were younger, the older one had to bathe the younger one and brush her teeth. When the DH got home from work, he was expected to do 100% of everything because she was “exhausted” and “off duty.” Now that her kids are older and self-sufficient she can’t be expected to do anything at all because she has “chronic Lyme” that manifested at exactly the time she ran out of kid related excuses.

Oh I know this type, too. Mysterious illnesses where she can’t drink (except then she can), she can’t hike or move for long periods of time (unless we’re on a girls’ trip), she can’t eat sugar (except when she does), and on and on.

I know a SAHM who does not get up in the mornings to get her kids read for school. Her husband does and he also packs their lunches, does all the grocery shopping and makes all the dinners because “he likes it.” He also plans all the travel and handles all the home maintenance and renovations. When her two kids were younger, the older one had to bathe the younger one and brush her teeth. When the DH got home from work, he was expected to do 100% of everything because she was “exhausted” and “off duty.” Now that her kids are older and self-sufficient she can’t be expected to do anything at all because she has “chronic Lyme” that manifested at exactly the time she ran out of kid related excuses.

Anonymous wrote:I am probably that person. A gravy train riding SAHM with grown kids.

I recently got a job and I quit within weeks because it was boring and stressful at the same time. All I could think that working was a bigger waste of my time than wasting my life lazing around at home.

Working is soul sucking and I like to be with my family

For you. My work is important, energizing and fun. I love my time with my family, but I am grateful that I work with amazing co-workers, and our work makes a direct and positive difference in the world.

I hope you can at least find a volunteer position. I know I couldn’t “laze around at home” and be happy and fulfilled.

I am probably that person. A gravy train riding SAHM with grown kids.

I recently got a job and I quit within weeks because it was boring and stressful at the same time. All I could think that working was a bigger waste of my time than wasting my life lazing around at home.

Working is soul sucking and I like to be with my family

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a cousin whom I truly love who fits this description. It took her over 5 years to finish undergrad at her private college (her parents paid all her educational costs). She then went straight to grad school, finished, did an internship for maybe 6 weeks (this is the only time she ever worked, other than occasional babysitting) before her fiancée accepted an out of state fellowship. She quit and moved with him, planned their wedding then promptly got pregnant. Her parents financially helped her while her husband finished his residency and fellowship, including paying for a night nurse/nanny for about the first year of each kids’ life. She put all three kids in full-day school as soon as they were old enough and kept them in aftercare. She sleeps in, naps, hangs out with friends, then order Uber-eats most nights. Her husband does at least 50% of childcare even though he’s a practicing doctor and she SAH. Her parents pay for whatever “extras” she wants that her husband can’t/won’t buy.

She’s super sweet and I love her dearly, but every time we’re together I’m blown away that she doesn’t do more (like take her kids on outings) with all her spare time.

Jealous much? She doesn't sound spoiled lazy, more like lucky and rationally taking advantage of that.

NP. Are you seriously defending someone for literally taking advantage of their spouse, who makes their secure lifestyle possible, works hard, and then does 50% more childcare and household duties on top of that?

Imagine instead of talking about a lazy wife and a working/parenting/housekeeping husband we were talking about a lazy husband and a working/parenting/housekeeping wife. I’ll bet you’d have something to say then, you massive hypocrite.

Yes, taking 5 years to graduate is normal, not lazy. Leaving grad school for something better is not lazy. Marrying rich is lucky, and marrying someone soon to be rich is smart. Outsourcing work if you can afford it is smart. Maybe her husband wants to be involved with his kids, but your making it sound like he's doing it bc she left a vacuum. I'm jealous of her life, sheesh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I might be that person. I work at a responsible job but have fallen far short of my potential.

me too. i'm the most spoiled lazy person ever. how i ever ended up with the most beautiful wife, amazing kids and a million dollar income amazes me.

DP. If you feel comfortable sharing, what do you do for work?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a cousin whom I truly love who fits this description. It took her over 5 years to finish undergrad at her private college (her parents paid all her educational costs). She then went straight to grad school, finished, did an internship for maybe 6 weeks (this is the only time she ever worked, other than occasional babysitting) before her fiancée accepted an out of state fellowship. She quit and moved with him, planned their wedding then promptly got pregnant. Her parents financially helped her while her husband finished his residency and fellowship, including paying for a night nurse/nanny for about the first year of each kids’ life. She put all three kids in full-day school as soon as they were old enough and kept them in aftercare. She sleeps in, naps, hangs out with friends, then order Uber-eats most nights. Her husband does at least 50% of childcare even though he’s a practicing doctor and she SAH. Her parents pay for whatever “extras” she wants that her husband can’t/won’t buy.

She’s super sweet and I love her dearly, but every time we’re together I’m blown away that she doesn’t do more (like take her kids on outings) with all her spare time.

Jealous much? She doesn't sound spoiled lazy, more like lucky and rationally taking advantage of that.

NP. Are you seriously defending someone for literally taking advantage of their spouse, who makes their secure lifestyle possible, works hard, and then does 50% more childcare and household duties on top of that?

Imagine instead of talking about a lazy wife and a working/parenting/housekeeping husband we were talking about a lazy husband and a working/parenting/housekeeping wife. I’ll bet you’d have something to say then, you massive hypocrite.

My mother would probably fit the bill, at least when I was growing up. She didn't work for most of my childhood , though taught a college class every once in a while. I guess she harbored dreams of finishing her PhD but never happened. My dad was a professor so we were not wealthy but somehow we had a live in housekeeper (Mon thru Fri) so my mom never cleaned and rarely cooked. When I was a tween I had a local college student drive me to my ballet classes most afternoons My dad was very hands on despite a busy job. He'd do all mornings, drive us around weekend etc. My mom slept a ton, would fritter time away, was very disorganized. I don't have memories big her doing stuff with us. She was either sleeping or brooding or in a rage. But then she might spend four days preparing an elaborate dinner party for 18, and would be frenzied, euphoric, stressed and then would withdraw for a week. When my dad left her, I took care if her. Cooked, cleaned, organized my rides until I could drive, etc

It's very sad. My mom was a brilliant student and could have been a brilliant no professor (speaks multiple languages, reads scholarly books lrb etc all the time) but she has deep seated mental health issues (borderline, deep depression and anxiety) probably should not have had kids . I don't recall a single time that I've gone to get for support. From the outside it looks lazy but she was incredibly unhappy. Not surprisingly my brother married someone similarly dysfunctional who doesn't work

Anonymous wrote:I have a cousin whom I truly love who fits this description. It took her over 5 years to finish undergrad at her private college (her parents paid all her educational costs). She then went straight to grad school, finished, did an internship for maybe 6 weeks (this is the only time she ever worked, other than occasional babysitting) before her fiancée accepted an out of state fellowship. She quit and moved with him, planned their wedding then promptly got pregnant. Her parents financially helped her while her husband finished his residency and fellowship, including paying for a night nurse/nanny for about the first year of each kids’ life. She put all three kids in full-day school as soon as they were old enough and kept them in aftercare. She sleeps in, naps, hangs out with friends, then order Uber-eats most nights. Her husband does at least 50% of childcare even though he’s a practicing doctor and she SAH. Her parents pay for whatever “extras” she wants that her husband can’t/won’t buy.

She’s super sweet and I love her dearly, but every time we’re together I’m blown away that she doesn’t do more (like take her kids on outings) with all her spare time.

Jealous much? She doesn't sound spoiled lazy, more like lucky and rationally taking advantage of that.

Anonymous wrote:I think I might be that person. I work at a responsible job but have fallen far short of my potential.

me too. i'm the most spoiled lazy person ever. how i ever ended up with the most beautiful wife, amazing kids and a million dollar income amazes me.

I have a cousin whom I truly love who fits this description. It took her over 5 years to finish undergrad at her private college (her parents paid all her educational costs). She then went straight to grad school, finished, did an internship for maybe 6 weeks (this is the only time she ever worked, other than occasional babysitting) before her fiancée accepted an out of state fellowship. She quit and moved with him, planned their wedding then promptly got pregnant. Her parents financially helped her while her husband finished his residency and fellowship, including paying for a night nurse/nanny for about the first year of each kids’ life. She put all three kids in full-day school as soon as they were old enough and kept them in aftercare. She sleeps in, naps, hangs out with friends, then order Uber-eats most nights. Her husband does at least 50% of childcare even though he’s a practicing doctor and she SAH. Her parents pay for whatever “extras” she wants that her husband can’t/won’t buy.

She’s super sweet and I love her dearly, but every time we’re together I’m blown away that she doesn’t do more (like take her kids on outings) with all her spare time.

OP, since I don’t have your contact info to buy it for you, please get yourself this book. There is need to suffer like you are.

https://www.amazon.com/ADHD-Pro-Sustainable-Productivity-People-ebook/dp/B096L9DC61

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think showing self-awareness (if you believe that your work ethic could be improved, for example) is a great first step and indicates that you aren't completely "spoiled," if you are at all. "Spoiled" people tend not to be aware of the impact of their behavior on others. Plus, people can sometimes be the most harsh judges of themselves, so it might not necessarily be true.

Instead of criticizing yourself with negative labels, why not focus on what you need to do or do differently? I recommend prioritizing making sure that your behavior isn't negatively affecting others' or your well-being (most importantly health) or finances. Once that is taken care of, you can work on the other stuff.

If you feel comfortable sharing more about aspects of your behavior that you'd like to change, people can give more helpful, specific advice.

Also, if you have trouble getting stuff done, have you ruled out the possibility of a health issue? It could be a condition causing fatigue, depression, ADHD, etc. Symptoms of depression and ADHD can sometimes look like laziness to people who don't know what's going on.

Good luck!

OP. Thanks, I do have depression and ADHD but the world does not really care about this as it only comes across as so many excuses. It limits my life tremendously, but it is no comfort knowing that.

Pls try to manage your ADHD symptoms with meds and therapy and executive functioning coaches. Those can all help a ton, and build back your confidence /minimize anxiety or depression. Good luck.