Also, I'd find out if she needs a pelvic exam, because probably not, and IF she needs it then I'd prepare her. My first pap and pelvic I was in my 20s and a virgin - the doctor didn't realize it was my first or that I was a virgin, and basically grabbed my legs, put them in stirrups and went at it. I've had much gentler ones in recent years than my first!

My first thought would be OH NO, try to get her to stop! But really, she is sexually active, so now it's about talking about getting pleasure, being a good partner and making sure he is a good partner, that bc is important but so are condoms because of STDs and so on.

I think norplant in her arm woudl be better than an IUD at this point. NO way can she remember to take a pill every day.... I couldn't even do it in my mid 20s when I wasn't sexually active (between boyfriends)

And I would tell your daughter that she can do it alone or not, but that she might want you there to hold her hand and help her focus (breathing regularly is important), And if she thinks she doesn't want you there, she can change her mind or start with you there and then ask you to leave if that changes.....

ALSO - for me, I have to touch my stomach with my hand because I'm SO TICKLESH (at 56 yrs old) that when they start pressing on my abdomen as they are checking for cysts it makes me jump out of my skin if I'm not TOUCHING my stomach near my belly button. If I touch myself then my body is prepared for the touch - also, they use a light touch because they are trying to be gentle but I tell them to use a "strong touch" because those gentle touches KILL me.

Truly, it's a trick, tell it to your daughter.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would take her to Planned Parenthood. They are by far the most knowledgeable and accessible reproductive providers I’ve seen, with the best bedside manner. They’ll also have literature and websites to share with her designed for teens. And most cities have Planned Parenthood clinics, so she’ll be able to use them wherever she goes to college.

THIS!

If her pediatrician is a woman who is comfortable having conversations about sex and the various bc types, then perhaps. Because your daughter is going to need to be really honest, truthful with the doctor, and if that doctor is a man she might not be as able to when the conversation is about sex, etc. I know I wouldn't have been as a teen - it took until I was in my 20s to be comfortable with a male doctor for those type of questions, etc.

But many pediatricians just aren't ready for this conversation, and if you are relying on the doctor to do it, you might end up being frustrated that the doctor wasn't able to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm so glad you are looking into this for your daughter. This is a great way to teach her that her body is hers and hers alone.

The other posters telling you to control her are just setting her up to have others also try to control her sexuality. Sex is part of life - and should be treated as such, with care and caution. We focus on consent, trust, caution (birth control methods and safety) and yes pleasure, with our daughter. I want her to have a healthy approach to sex for her full life. This hasn't made her "promiscuous", instead she is thoughtful about her relationships, which is what I would want for her...but at the end of the day, it's not my body.

beautifully said

+1
I can't get over the shaming on here. It's nauseating.

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm so glad you are looking into this for your daughter. This is a great way to teach her that her body is hers and hers alone.

The other posters telling you to control her are just setting her up to have others also try to control her sexuality. Sex is part of life - and should be treated as such, with care and caution. We focus on consent, trust, caution (birth control methods and safety) and yes pleasure, with our daughter. I want her to have a healthy approach to sex for her full life. This hasn't made her "promiscuous", instead she is thoughtful about her relationships, which is what I would want for her...but at the end of the day, it's not my body.

beautifully said

OP I'm so glad you are looking into this for your daughter. This is a great way to teach her that her body is hers and hers alone.

The other posters telling you to control her are just setting her up to have others also try to control her sexuality. Sex is part of life - and should be treated as such, with care and caution. We focus on consent, trust, caution (birth control methods and safety) and yes pleasure, with our daughter. I want her to have a healthy approach to sex for her full life. This hasn't made her "promiscuous", instead she is thoughtful about her relationships, which is what I would want for her...but at the end of the day, it's not my body.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is her boyfriend? Most 14 yr old boys are pretty shy with girls

What does that have to do with a pediatrician appointment for OP's daughter? JFc.

Because if her 14 yr is having sex with her 17 yr old boyfriend that complicates things

Anonymous wrote:How old is her boyfriend? Most 14 yr old boys are pretty shy with girls

What does that have to do with a pediatrician appointment for OP's daughter? JFc.

Nexplanon or the arm implant is great for teens. Super reliable and no pelvic exam needed. Pap smears aren’t until age 21. Don’t forget HPV shot.

How old is her boyfriend? Most 14 yr old boys are pretty shy with girls

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A girl who is mature enough to be having intercourse is mature enough for a pelvic exam.

OP I think 14 is too young. Can’t you keep her away from unsupervised contact with boyfriend? Until 16

This is what my mom said to me. She didn’t even come into the building with me, she waited in the car. I referenced that moment 15 years later when she thought she had the right to come to my ultrasound appointments when I was pregnant (as a married adult).

I’d ask your daughter what she’s most comfortable with, OP. She’s being honest with you and trying to be responsible, even though it isn’t the decision you would make for her. Now that the situation is here, you can be supportive and loving and forgiving or you can leave her unsupported.

I wouldn’t be supportive. Her life as she knows it would be completely over. She would be grounded and not leave the home without me until the day she turned18. Can’t be trusted. Homeschool would start ASAP if she is in person.

And your kid will leave get pregnant and never make anything of herself be in poverty with a child.

OP, on the other hand, will have an intelligent, caring, daughter who will go to college get a great job, and grow up.

OP you are 100% doing the right thing.

Do not listen to the bible thumpers who are controlling and well frankly stupid. Teen pregnancy among bible thumpers high.

No one in their right mind thinks a 14-year-old should be having sex. But given it has already happened, OP is 100% correct. Good for you OP parenting at its finest. This could happen to every single one of us. If you think it can not you are not living in reality.

“Parenting at its finest” means your 14 yr old doesn’t have a boyfriend and isn’t sexually active. Sounds like her daughter only told her because she was afraid boyfriend’s mom was going to tell her first since the mom found the condom in his room. Nothing good comes from a 14 yr old having sex, that right there alone is a huge problem- and it has absolutely nothing to do with religion

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A girl who is mature enough to be having intercourse is mature enough for a pelvic exam.

OP I think 14 is too young. Can’t you keep her away from unsupervised contact with boyfriend? Until 16

This is what my mom said to me. She didn’t even come into the building with me, she waited in the car. I referenced that moment 15 years later when she thought she had the right to come to my ultrasound appointments when I was pregnant (as a married adult).

I’d ask your daughter what she’s most comfortable with, OP. She’s being honest with you and trying to be responsible, even though it isn’t the decision you would make for her. Now that the situation is here, you can be supportive and loving and forgiving or you can leave her unsupported.

I wouldn’t be supportive. Her life as she knows it would be completely over. She would be grounded and not leave the home without me until the day she turned18. Can’t be trusted. Homeschool would start ASAP if she is in person.

And your kid will leave get pregnant and never make anything of herself be in poverty with a child.

OP, on the other hand, will have an intelligent, caring, daughter who will go to college get a great job, and grow up.

OP you are 100% doing the right thing.

Do not listen to the bible thumpers who are controlling and well frankly stupid. Teen pregnancy among bible thumpers high.

No one in their right mind thinks a 14-year-old should be having sex. But given it has already happened, OP is 100% correct. Good for you OP parenting at its finest. This could happen to every single one of us. If you think it can not you are not living in reality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A girl who is mature enough to be having intercourse is mature enough for a pelvic exam.

OP I think 14 is too young. Can’t you keep her away from unsupervised contact with boyfriend? Until 16

This is what my mom said to me. She didn’t even come into the building with me, she waited in the car. I referenced that moment 15 years later when she thought she had the right to come to my ultrasound appointments when I was pregnant (as a married adult).

I’d ask your daughter what she’s most comfortable with, OP. She’s being honest with you and trying to be responsible, even though it isn’t the decision you would make for her. Now that the situation is here, you can be supportive and loving and forgiving or you can leave her unsupported.

I wouldn’t be supportive. Her life as she knows it would be completely over. She would be grounded and not leave the home without me until the day she turned18. Can’t be trusted. Homeschool would start ASAP if she is in person.

And when she did turn 18 she’d eliminate you from her life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are letting a 14 yr old date in the first place?

This is what an 8th grader?

Insanity that this is normalized.

Normalized is different than addressing the reality. My DD is 11 and I’m horrified at OP”s post but not naive so am reading this thread. A quick google search shows that by age 15 20% of American girls have had sex. That’s not normal, aka the majority, but it’s also a pretty significant number.

OP has a series of choices. Yes, maybe one of them is to readdress sexual activity and encourage her child to reconsider future sex until she’s older, but since it’s happening the primary choice is about whether to help her daughter prevent pregnancy and disease, or to ignore and deny. It’s not exactly like OP is happy about this.


https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/american-teens-sexual-and-reproductive-health

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A girl who is mature enough to be having intercourse is mature enough for a pelvic exam.

OP I think 14 is too young. Can’t you keep her away from unsupervised contact with boyfriend? Until 16

This is what my mom said to me. She didn’t even come into the building with me, she waited in the car. I referenced that moment 15 years later when she thought she had the right to come to my ultrasound appointments when I was pregnant (as a married adult).

I’d ask your daughter what she’s most comfortable with, OP. She’s being honest with you and trying to be responsible, even though it isn’t the decision you would make for her. Now that the situation is here, you can be supportive and loving and forgiving or you can leave her unsupported.

I wouldn’t be supportive. Her life as she knows it would be completely over. She would be grounded and not leave the home without me until the day she turned18. Can’t be trusted. Homeschool would start ASAP if she is in person.

Another onboard here with counseling her re: her choices. And be sure this was her choice. When DC is 16-18 that is different but sex at 14 is a red flag IMO. Don’t give up on parenting. Explain your reason for wanting her to wait a little longer. Good luck.