Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not a troll. I took your advice and talked to my mother and sisters to say while I welcome and appreciate their help and company their comments about the baby's name are really mean and disrespectful. That we are not going to change the baby's name because we love it. If they make comments in front of either of us again they're going to be made to leave and we really don't want to have to do that.

One sister apologized, said she'd stop and that her husband said she was wrong too, and then told me not to get upset if she calls the baby Saralee, as in the cake. The other sister is offended I said we'd kick her out after everything she's done for us (and she has done a lot). My mother is angry and hurt that we would make her leave for any reason and wouldn't admit she's made comments every single time she's been over. DH suggested I ask the first sister to talk to the others. I was reading here today how so many people moved to the US, far from their country and family and they do it all building their family. Maybe I've been relying too much on family to help?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the people who think it is fake... I don't think you have what some people consider to be a "generic" first name with a "filler" middle. You get the comments and eye rolls regardless of family history or stories behind them.

It's unbelievable the amount of hate and comments from people. It falls into the category of Sara Grace, Elizabeth, Charlotte, Katherine/Catherine, Sophia, etc. It's annoying in particular when the comments come from people named things like Rachel.

It's always rude. It always reflects poorly back on the person saying it. I think the issue isn't the name but something else.

If they are this obnoxious about a nice name then I doubt this is the first time they have been openly disrespectful to OP about things that are none of their business to offer an opinion on.

Yes to all of this. I don't know why, but some people are just jerks about baby names. Actually, I am going to speculate as to why.

I think it's jealousy. I think people, but especially women, are often jealous/covetous of a woman who is pregnant or has a new baby, and I think the hyper-opinionated and judgmental attitudes come from wanting to be in the new mother's position and feeling she could do it better.

And I don't think this is about infertility, either, because no one I know who has struggled with infertility is like this. My friends who were going through infertility when I was pregnant were among my most supportive friends. They sometimes chose to keep a bit of distance, but they were unfailingly kind. They may have envied my pregnancy, but they were also happy for me because I was doing what they wanted to be doing. They saw it as a mitzvah, properly.

But the women who are judgmental and rude are often already mothers, and resentful and unkind to new moms because it makes them feel old or like their chance at that experience is over, and they take it out on the new mom. Or I also sometimes see it from women who are far from having kids, like women in their 20s who are still dating around. I think they are thinking prospectively about what it might be like to be pregnant and have a baby, and some of them think "Oh, I'd do this better than she'd do it."

I would never say this stuff out loud to anyone because I think it plays into stereotypes about women being jealous and catty towards one another. But after having a baby and dealing with, bizarrely, some of the unkindest behavior I have ever been on the receiving end of, I've thought about this a lot. A lot of people have some deeply felt but buried feelings around other people having babies, and instead of dealing with those feelings, they just take it out on people. They need some damn therapy.

Anonymous wrote:I would just see how things go before asking sister to step in. Those remarks sound like the kind people make to save face. Their egos might be a little bruised right now, but they might still take the message to heart and not bring the topic up again.

The nn Saralee is cute coming from an aunty.

Anonymous wrote:For the people who think it is fake... I don't think you have what some people consider to be a "generic" first name with a "filler" middle. You get the comments and eye rolls regardless of family history or stories behind them.

It's unbelievable the amount of hate and comments from people. It falls into the category of Sara Grace, Elizabeth, Charlotte, Katherine/Catherine, Sophia, etc. It's annoying in particular when the comments come from people named things like Rachel.

It's always rude. It always reflects poorly back on the person saying it. I think the issue isn't the name but something else.

If they are this obnoxious about a nice name then I doubt this is the first time they have been openly disrespectful to OP about things that are none of their business to offer an opinion on.

Anonymous wrote:It’s a lovely name. Tell them if they say another word about your baby’s name they will have to leave and back it up. They can come back and try again another time.

Anonymous wrote:I was going to ask if there is a cultural element— a culture that prefers unique like LDS or African American? But the names you gave of extended family sound pretty standard white. Trollish. Ignore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m having a very hard time believing this.

I dunno why but I immediately thought this was fake too.