Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 20:49     Subject: Staying in the room at the pediatrician
We discussed before his 13 year appt. The ped asked, and he wanted me to stay. At 14, the ped just assumed I would leave. Again, I had mentioned it in advance to my son and he was like, yeah, you can leave.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 20:24     Subject: Staying in the room at the pediatrician
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This gradual phasing myself out of the visit was part of teaching my kid to advocate for their own wellbeing and healthcare...along with all the stuff about privacy and having another trusted adult to talk to.


This makes the most sense when it's directed by a parent in the interests of the child. How else can one model this except to model it?

However, I feel putting THE PROFESSIONAL in charge of when this takes place, this transition of power, is really the opposite of teaching the kid to advocate for their wellbeing, or at least potentially that is what it can be.


But as we can see on this thread, there are parents who wouldn't cut the cord until they're actually an adult...


I agree, a kid might not even think of it as an option unless the physician presented it. I don't have an issue with it. My kids are younger, but I would assume by 16 they do appointments fully on their own so it seems reasonable to start easing them into that a few years before.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 19:40     Subject: Staying in the room at the pediatrician
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I remember a friend of mine with a daughter turning 12 or 13 saying that she was asked about her sexual orientation during the "parent out of the room" portion of the exam. The question to her was, apparently "Do you like boys, or girls, or both?"

Frankly, why is this assumed to be a concern for the pediatrician? Why is it assumed that they are going to beable to do jack squat if that kids orientation is a problem with their parents? What are they going to do, call social services because the patient cant tell mom they are gay?

I get that its a good thing to have trusted adults that arent your parents, but the choice of pediatrician is strange to me. They arent psychologists or social workers. They cant do anything to help their patient with their psychological issues if the kid cant be honest with their parent. Because if there is a problem with the kid and their parents, the pediatirician telling the parent your kid needs counseling would be not a good idea. Right?

What are we thinking here?


I started leaving the room for exams when my kids turned 12. One of them is gay, and he told me the pediatrician talked with him about safe sex and medications like Prep that can help prevent HIV transmission. Maybe when he was 13 or 14, and done very much in a “in the future, when you’re thinking about becoming sexually active” way. That’s absolutely the sort of things many kids would not be comfortable talking about in front of their parents, and I’m thrilled that she had this conversation with him.

Only the gay kid got that talk?
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 19:33     Subject: Staying in the room at the pediatrician
Anonymous wrote:Youths are sexual beings (as are we). They should talk about sexual health with a medical professional. They aren't going to open up in front of mommy. Some of you who refuse to leave already know this, thus you don't leave. You want your teenagers to be sexless babies forever.


Some of them do "open up in front of mommy." Maybe that's not the relationship you have with your kid, but any time I've asked my kids "Do you want me to leave?" they've said no.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 19:31     Subject: Staying in the room at the pediatrician
Anonymous wrote:I was molested by a doctor who asked my mom to leave the room. This was probably like 1974.

I never left my kids until they were much older. The first time I left my younger one was just recently and she's 13.


How is 47+ information helpful?
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 19:12     Subject: Staying in the room at the pediatrician
Anonymous wrote:This gradual phasing myself out of the visit was part of teaching my kid to advocate for their own wellbeing and healthcare...along with all the stuff about privacy and having another trusted adult to talk to.


This. Doctors visits especially in the teenage years are about teaching kids to be there own best advocates. To set boundaries for comfort and express them. I may select a doctor but my kid has ultimate approval and veto power of the doctor. If they aren’t comfortable we talk about why and if its not something easily fixable we get a new doc. Everytime we get a new doc(dentist, eye, derm, ped, etc) I reiterate for each kid that this is their doctor and they have to be comfortable with that individual. And we talk about each appointment after and before.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 17:15     Subject: Staying in the room at the pediatrician
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have been asked to leave the room for a portion of the visit since DC turned 13. I assume it's to ask questions about drugs/alcohol/abuse. Is this not the norm?


I leave for her to ask him questions, but I stay for the entire actual exam (even the private part).


Yucky. How would you have felt if your Mom/Dad had done that?


Np. Myy sister was fondled by her pediatrician so I feel pretty a ok about it.
Also my kids don't feel their bodies are serialized so I've seen their private parts from the time I changed their diapers.

I feel really grossed out that you seem to have objectified your children. Maybe it's an age thing? I don't know many other adults who say "yucky" anymore
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 12:57     Subject: Staying in the room at the pediatrician
Anonymous wrote:I started leaving at 12. I like that they're alone with a physician--there may be things that they're not telling me (about sexuality, etc) that they'll tell the doctor.


+1. I was in during the exam but was out for part of the well being questions and the doctor gave me a chance to talk without DD too.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 12:48     Subject: Staying in the room at the pediatrician
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am surprised at so many being ok with kids alone. We were at the doctor today and they offered an escort even with a parent if you wanted. As a female, when I go to the doctor, any exam with a mail where its more than just ears/basics there is always a female escort in there. It is not only to protect the patient but also doctor as an accusation can ruin a doctors career.


Seriously? My GP is a man, and I’m always alone with him when I get my physical. If you don’t trust your doctor not to molest you, maybe find another doctor?


Lots of physicians have a “chaperone” during exams. Truthfully it’s for the physicians’ protection against later charges too.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 12:18     Subject: Staying in the room at the pediatrician
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In certain states and with certain insurance companies, there are privacy laws starting at age 13.

We have Kaiser and it makes it a bit complicated with 13+ yr DDs since they have their own access to medical records, lab results, birth control prescript, and the like.

The intention was to make teens more comfortable to talk to medical professionals and receive honest and truthful medical advice (as opposed to getting answers from their parents or google MD or friends).


It's also done that way to give access to prescriptions that parents may not want their kids to have yet (or at all). If the teen thinks they need BC or medication to treat an STI, they need to be able to access the doctor, and some parent would prevent it, to preserve their purity (at least in their own mind).


Probably not for that reason, because that would be unsafe. Parents need to know what meds their child is taking. Some meds, including some forms of birth control, must not taken in conjunction with others. Since we’re talking about minors who may forget this, and we all know doctors sometimes don’t check every med their patient is taking, it’s wise to let parents oversee their children’s health. It’s another layer of protection.

Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 12:17     Subject: Staying in the room at the pediatrician
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This gradual phasing myself out of the visit was part of teaching my kid to advocate for their own wellbeing and healthcare...along with all the stuff about privacy and having another trusted adult to talk to.


This makes the most sense when it's directed by a parent in the interests of the child. How else can one model this except to model it?

However, I feel putting THE PROFESSIONAL in charge of when this takes place, this transition of power, is really the opposite of teaching the kid to advocate for their wellbeing, or at least potentially that is what it can be.


But as we can see on this thread, there are parents who wouldn't cut the cord until they're actually an adult...
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 12:12     Subject: Staying in the room at the pediatrician
Anonymous wrote:In certain states and with certain insurance companies, there are privacy laws starting at age 13.

We have Kaiser and it makes it a bit complicated with 13+ yr DDs since they have their own access to medical records, lab results, birth control prescript, and the like.

The intention was to make teens more comfortable to talk to medical professionals and receive honest and truthful medical advice (as opposed to getting answers from their parents or google MD or friends).


It's also done that way to give access to prescriptions that parents may not want their kids to have yet (or at all). If the teen thinks they need BC or medication to treat an STI, they need to be able to access the doctor, and some parent would prevent it, to preserve their purity (at least in their own mind).
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 12:08     Subject: Staying in the room at the pediatrician
I was molested by a doctor who asked my mom to leave the room. This was probably like 1974.

I never left my kids until they were much older. The first time I left my younger one was just recently and she's 13.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 12:07     Subject: Staying in the room at the pediatrician
Anonymous wrote:I remember a friend of mine with a daughter turning 12 or 13 saying that she was asked about her sexual orientation during the "parent out of the room" portion of the exam. The question to her was, apparently "Do you like boys, or girls, or both?"

Frankly, why is this assumed to be a concern for the pediatrician? Why is it assumed that they are going to beable to do jack squat if that kids orientation is a problem with their parents? What are they going to do, call social services because the patient cant tell mom they are gay?

I get that its a good thing to have trusted adults that arent your parents, but the choice of pediatrician is strange to me. They arent psychologists or social workers. They cant do anything to help their patient with their psychological issues if the kid cant be honest with their parent. Because if there is a problem with the kid and their parents, the pediatirician telling the parent your kid needs counseling would be not a good idea. Right?

What are we thinking here?


They can make a note and watch for abuse as the result of the child's orientation. They can also tailor discussions of sexual safety and birth control based on orientation.

Making a referral for a psychologist or psychiatrist to a parent should be a wake up call to the parent. Hopefully, they would be willing to listen to the child's doctor.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 12:06     Subject: Staying in the room at the pediatrician
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have been asked to leave the room for a portion of the visit since DC turned 13. I assume it's to ask questions about drugs/alcohol/abuse. Is this not the norm?


I leave for her to ask him questions, but I stay for the entire actual exam (even the private part).


Yucky. How would you have felt if your Mom/Dad had done that?


I spent three years changing his diaper and six years giving him baths. I think he can handle me seeing his twig and berries for thirty seconds a year.


So you’re cool with your father seeing your vulva, then? Because he changed your diapers and gave you baths?