Anonymous
05/02/2021 17:54
Subject: I hate Mother’s Day.
I hope that all of you posters who had emotionally abusive childhoods give yourself the gift of therapy.
Otherwise, you will likely pass these sad feelings (about mothers) down to your children. (And/or it will interfere with your ability to experience healthy relationships.)
It is a day to express love and appreciation.
If you can't do that authentically, then don't.
It is not a day meant to torture you.
I have also lost both of my parents, so these days stung the first few years. Now I just try to appreciate them.
Though not perfect (nor am I!), they did a good job raising their six children.
Otherwise, you will likely pass these sad feelings (about mothers) down to your children. (And/or it will interfere with your ability to experience healthy relationships.)
It is a day to express love and appreciation.
If you can't do that authentically, then don't.
It is not a day meant to torture you.
I have also lost both of my parents, so these days stung the first few years. Now I just try to appreciate them.
Though not perfect (nor am I!), they did a good job raising their six children.
Anonymous
05/02/2021 17:50
Subject: Re:I hate Mother’s Day.
Anonymous wrote:My H told his mom we're going to see her for Mother's Day without checking with me.
If you live near her, I think this is understandable. It is his only mother. Don't go if you don't want to. Or get first dibs on the timing.
You will presumably be around longer than her. Don't be so self-absorbed.
Anonymous
05/02/2021 17:05
Subject: Re:I hate Mother’s Day.
Anonymous wrote:I hate Mother’s Day. And Father’s Day. And Valentines Day.
Adult child of alcoholic/abusive/narcissists who I nevertheless adored and was continuously rejected by; childless not by choice; never married thanks to the profound emotional cruelty I endured in childhood which made adult intimate relationships profoundly difficult and compelled me to reject all the proposals that came my way.
I’m well into learning to be okay with where I’m at, but these artificial Norman Rockwell happy families holidays are a real speed bump on the road of acceptance and letting go. The Thanksgiving-New Year’s marathon, too.
It helps knowing I’m not alone in loathing these holidays. At least my parents are gone now - although the endless loop of criticism and rejection still plays on in my head and doubtless will until I’m dead.
Just wanted to say that I see you and I’m so sorry for all the pain you never should have experienced. Sending you a big hug! You sound very self-aware and tender-hearted, and those are such strengths! I hope the day is a blip and you have a nice summer
Anonymous
05/02/2021 16:43
Subject: Re:I hate Mother’s Day.
I like Mother's Day. But, I don't expect anyone (especially not DH) to do anything special for me. It's just another day. My children are always writing me love notes and worlds best mom, I love you! notes daily, that Mother's day is always just another Sunday. I actually wish I could see my mom, or buy her flowers etc. But, sadly, she's not here. Do something nice/special for yourself, OP.
Anonymous
05/02/2021 15:14
Subject: I hate Mother’s Day.
You send your mom and stepmom flowers and you call and leave a message if they don't answer. Then turn your phone off. Book yourself a spa treatment or something. And then get therapy to learn to stand up to people.
Anonymous
05/02/2021 15:13
Subject: I hate Mother’s Day.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:PP from above ^^. I also don’t buy anything for my husband on Father’s Day. He is NOT my father.
It is odd to me that so many posters are irritated that their DHs want to spend time with their own mother's on mother's day. It seems like that should be what they do. I hope my kids don't ignore me the second they have their own families.
The focus should be on mothers in the thick of parenting, who actually need a break/pampering/recognition for all they actively do on a daily basis.
If you've been celebrated for, what, like at least 35 times or so and haven't been parenting for about 20 years? Time to take a back seat. You get a card, flowers and a call. End of list. Husbands should be stepping up yo give their wives a break and help young children on this day.
If you're a grandmother, you're not a front and center mother on Mother's Day.
^^help young children make and do stuff for mom
Anonymous
05/02/2021 15:10
Subject: I hate Mother’s Day.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:PP from above ^^. I also don’t buy anything for my husband on Father’s Day. He is NOT my father.
It is odd to me that so many posters are irritated that their DHs want to spend time with their own mother's on mother's day. It seems like that should be what they do. I hope my kids don't ignore me the second they have their own families.
The focus should be on mothers in the thick of parenting, who actually need a break/pampering/recognition for all they actively do on a daily basis.
If you've been celebrated for, what, like at least 35 times or so and haven't been parenting for about 20 years? Time to take a back seat. You get a card, flowers and a call. End of list. Husbands should be stepping up yo give their wives a break and help young children on this day.
If you're a grandmother, you're not a front and center mother on Mother's Day.
Anonymous
05/02/2021 15:06
Subject: I hate Mother’s Day.
Anonymous wrote:PP from above ^^. I also don’t buy anything for my husband on Father’s Day. He is NOT my father.
It is odd to me that so many posters are irritated that their DHs want to spend time with their own mother's on mother's day. It seems like that should be what they do. I hope my kids don't ignore me the second they have their own families.
Anonymous
05/02/2021 14:43
Subject: I hate Mother’s Day.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Who are these people asking you what you received for Mother’s Day? And, you actually make something up?
DP here. For me what I get asked in casual conversation is “So, what did you/are you guys doing for Mother’s Day?”
I just say “Not much. What about you?”
Anonymous
05/02/2021 14:32
Subject: I hate Mother’s Day.
Sorry to all the PPs who’ve lost their moms, whether by death or other challenging circumstances.
I’ve been without mine for nearly 20 years, and all the ads that surface still sting a bit.
I’ve been without mine for nearly 20 years, and all the ads that surface still sting a bit.
Anonymous
05/02/2021 13:28
Subject: I hate Mother’s Day.
If it makes you feel better OP, the founder of Mother's Day also hated what Mother's Day became in her lifetime and regretted ever starting it.
My mom's dead and I am infertile, so I just stay at home and stay away from social media for a week.
My mom's dead and I am infertile, so I just stay at home and stay away from social media for a week.
Anonymous
05/02/2021 13:08
Subject: Re:I hate Mother’s Day.
I hate Mother’s Day. And Father’s Day. And Valentines Day.
Adult child of alcoholic/abusive/narcissists who I nevertheless adored and was continuously rejected by; childless not by choice; never married thanks to the profound emotional cruelty I endured in childhood which made adult intimate relationships profoundly difficult and compelled me to reject all the proposals that came my way.
I’m well into learning to be okay with where I’m at, but these artificial Norman Rockwell happy families holidays are a real speed bump on the road of acceptance and letting go. The Thanksgiving-New Year’s marathon, too.
It helps knowing I’m not alone in loathing these holidays. At least my parents are gone now - although the endless loop of criticism and rejection still plays on in my head and doubtless will until I’m dead.
Adult child of alcoholic/abusive/narcissists who I nevertheless adored and was continuously rejected by; childless not by choice; never married thanks to the profound emotional cruelty I endured in childhood which made adult intimate relationships profoundly difficult and compelled me to reject all the proposals that came my way.
I’m well into learning to be okay with where I’m at, but these artificial Norman Rockwell happy families holidays are a real speed bump on the road of acceptance and letting go. The Thanksgiving-New Year’s marathon, too.
It helps knowing I’m not alone in loathing these holidays. At least my parents are gone now - although the endless loop of criticism and rejection still plays on in my head and doubtless will until I’m dead.
Anonymous
05/02/2021 12:43
Subject: Re:I hate Mother’s Day.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I do to. DH just is not a good gift giver or planner even though he is a great husband in all other ways. My young adult children usually don’t remember either. I don’t want to seem needy or ask for attention but then I stew all day about being ignored. I am gleeful that DH usually forgets to acknowledge his own mom and I don’t remind him. I usually do something nice for my own mom and that’s it. I used to be bothered a lot more—miserable and angry all day—but now I have lowered expectations and just wait for the day to be over.
+1 Seems like we married the same kind of guy. I actually tell DH what to buy me so I don’t have to lie. It’s strange. He can remember Mother’s Day but never forgets valentine’s... they are both made up Hallmark holidays.
Valentine's Day has a long history going back to the Romans. Didn't you ever hear of Lupercalia? What are they teaching in schools nowadays??
Anonymous
05/02/2021 12:33
Subject: I hate Mother’s Day.
Anonymous wrote:Who are these people asking you what you received for Mother’s Day? And, you actually make something up?
DP here. For me what I get asked in casual conversation is “So, what did you/are you guys doing for Mother’s Day?”
Anonymous
05/02/2021 12:00
Subject: I hate Mother’s Day.
PP from above ^^. I also don’t buy anything for my husband on Father’s Day. He is NOT my father.