Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an adult who did the same as your daughter, "good schools" really don't matter.

She's clearly a smart kid if she got into a reach. She'll make her way in life and likely be successful. But even if she isn't a huge success, who cares? As long as she's happy.

Leave her alone and be proud you raised a kid who is both intelligent and knows how to make choices that are true to herself.

And for what it's worth, I worked in the White House along with all of the Ivy League graduates. Whether or not I went to a state school had nothing to do with it. I got their off of my own hard work.

You don't get to the White House without a hook. I am sorry. Someone pulled for you. (And that's not a bad thing.)

Voila.

First of all, top publics are well regarded and well represented, so Ivy is not end-all-be-all.

But often times, not coming from a top school in certain industries means you need networks, connections, etc. to get the same jobs that Ivy students would easily get based on name along.

And yes it is a bad thing.

Anonymous wrote:I think you should tell her that if the choice was yours, you would choose the other school. But that you are happy for her and if she wants to choose the safety, that’s fine and you will support her.

Don't say that...

I think you should tell her that if the choice was yours, you would choose the other school. But that you are happy for her and if she wants to choose the safety, that’s fine and you will support her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming your daughter sticks with her safety, please don’t be “that” parent who feels the need to announce on FB that child is going to college X after a tough decision based on additional acceptances to Elite U a, b, and c. Our friends did that last year and it felt like they wanted us all to know that even though their child chose her instate uni, she still was accepted to many “elite” colleges also.

DP. Ha - I wonder if we have the same friends! The person I’m thinking of not only posted all of that on FB, but also sent out an email to tons of people with the same info. It was really beyond embarrassing and we felt so bad for their kid.

I think it might be the same person 😊. Although would not be surprising more than one person is like this in the area ...

Anonymous wrote:Assuming your daughter sticks with her safety, please don’t be “that” parent who feels the need to announce on FB that child is going to college X after a tough decision based on additional acceptances to Elite U a, b, and c. Our friends did that last year and it felt like they wanted us all to know that even though their child chose her instate uni, she still was accepted to many “elite” colleges also.

DP. Ha - I wonder if we have the same friends! The person I’m thinking of not only posted all of that on FB, but also sent out an email to tons of people with the same info. It was really beyond embarrassing and we felt so bad for their kid.

And I think this is a time to let your child drive the train. It will be THEIR home for the next four years. They feel like it is setting them on a path, and you should make them believe they are capable of making good decisions about their futures (though I agree, it is nervous-making for us to hand over the reins). Don't underestimate how much it helps their confidence for us to show that we believe in their abilities.

Anonymous wrote:One of the PPs. There's also the big fish/small pond thing. I don't think that's the right option for everyone - no one-size-fits-all - but my kid is also choosing a school inside the top 100 (vs a top 30 option) and I'm hoping it will boost his confidence with academics after some struggle at a rigorous high school. Hard to guess how grad schools will view this, but if a higher GPA is attainable at a lower ranked school, that might help his resume compared to what he might end up with at the harder school.

Perhaps but what if gpa would be the same either place?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess who is focused on the right things? Well done raising a level headed kid!

Yes, she is. It's just really hard not to get sucked into the "elite" college game.

Thanks.

So you wanted bragging rights for your cocktail parties. Chill out, mom monster. Be proud of your child.

NP: it’s not just bragging rights. Don’t you think parents worry about their kids career/life trajectory when everyone keeps saying that the college name matters???

Btw: wtf goes to cocktail parties anymore?

Odd to me that an adult would quote "but everyone keeps saying that the college name matters." Why do you have to listen to "everyone." You are presumably an adult out in the world. Does this match your experience? It does not match mine, nearly to the extent that SOME (not all) DCUM posters claim that it does.

As an adult, I find it hard to know how much choice of college matters. My own experience is that it matters less than many think/claim, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter to some extent. The question is how much does it matter? I don't know. And even if that were precisely knowable, different people will differ on whether that's a lot or a little. For example, what if choice of college gives a 10% boost in outcomes? Ok, do I care about 10%--is that a lot or a little? Opinions will differ.

This is why I, an adult, wrestle with this issue to some extent. I really don't think it's because I'm unable to think for myself. It's because there is no clear answer.

For those criticizing the OP, I think it is perfectly normal to feel disappointed or to worry. Good fit is of course important, but many of us think that our kids, faced with a new experience, can create a good fit in a wide range of places. Our kids haven’t had a chance to explore how wide the world can be. And, depending on the child’s interests, major and eventual career path, where the child goes to college can make a difference. I am not saying it is a huge, earth shattering difference. But it can make a difference. We may not like that, it may not be true, and we all may have many examples of people going to lower ranked schools and doing extraordinarily well. Still, on balance, the odds may be better to go to a more prestigious school. And I think that ignoring that possibility is not helpful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess who is focused on the right things? Well done raising a level headed kid!

Yes, she is. It's just really hard not to get sucked into the "elite" college game.

Thanks.

So you wanted bragging rights for your cocktail parties. Chill out, mom monster. Be proud of your child.

NP: it’s not just bragging rights. Don’t you think parents worry about their kids career/life trajectory when everyone keeps saying that the college name matters???

Btw: wtf goes to cocktail parties anymore?

Odd to me that an adult would quote "but everyone keeps saying that the college name matters." Why do you have to listen to "everyone." You are presumably an adult out in the world. Does this match your experience? It does not match mine, nearly to the extent that SOME (not all) DCUM posters claim that it does.

^^^You must not live in the DMV. College name matters a lot.

Odd that you troll this “College Discussion” board and act like this is the first time you’ve come across this issue.

mkay

Hearing something does not make it true. And I have lived in this area for 25 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disagree with all the PPs. It depends on the disparity between the reach and safety schools, but going to a well-regarded school can confer benefits for a long time. For first job, grad school admissions, how good of grades you need to be a "good candidate" for whatever's next, etc.

Make sure she's certain about this and understands the ramifications of her choice, not just how fun the next 4 yrs will be.

Unpopular opinion I know!

I know you mean well, and believe what you are saying. But many others of us don't think such "connections" or "status signals" are necessary for success.

For others, that sounds blasphemous. It may depend upon where you look for validation, and how you define success.

Easier acceptance into grad school or getting pushed to the top of a pile of resumes is neither “connections” or “status signals.” I’m sure you mean well, but you seem to be missing the point.

I'm not sure going to a higher ranked college for undergrad makes a big difference in one's chances of getting into grad school. I'd be more worried about the resume thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess who is focused on the right things? Well done raising a level headed kid!

Yes, she is. It's just really hard not to get sucked into the "elite" college game.

Thanks.

So you wanted bragging rights for your cocktail parties. Chill out, mom monster. Be proud of your child.

NP: it’s not just bragging rights. Don’t you think parents worry about their kids career/life trajectory when everyone keeps saying that the college name matters???

Btw: wtf goes to cocktail parties anymore?

Odd to me that an adult would quote "but everyone keeps saying that the college name matters." Why do you have to listen to "everyone." You are presumably an adult out in the world. Does this match your experience? It does not match mine, nearly to the extent that SOME (not all) DCUM posters claim that it does.

^^^You must not live in the DMV. College name matters a lot.

Odd that you troll this “College Discussion” board and act like this is the first time you’ve come across this issue.

mkay

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess who is focused on the right things? Well done raising a level headed kid!

Yes, she is. It's just really hard not to get sucked into the "elite" college game.

Thanks.

So you wanted bragging rights for your cocktail parties. Chill out, mom monster. Be proud of your child.

NP: it’s not just bragging rights. Don’t you think parents worry about their kids career/life trajectory when everyone keeps saying that the college name matters???

Btw: wtf goes to cocktail parties anymore?

Odd to me that an adult would quote "but everyone keeps saying that the college name matters." Why do you have to listen to "everyone." You are presumably an adult out in the world. Does this match your experience? It does not match mine, nearly to the extent that SOME (not all) DCUM posters claim that it does.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess who is focused on the right things? Well done raising a level headed kid!

Yes, she is. It's just really hard not to get sucked into the "elite" college game.

Thanks.

So you wanted bragging rights for your cocktail parties. Chill out, mom monster. Be proud of your child.

NP: it’s not just bragging rights. Don’t you think parents worry about their kids career/life trajectory when everyone keeps saying that the college name matters???

Btw: wtf goes to cocktail parties anymore?

One of the PPs. There's also the big fish/small pond thing. I don't think that's the right option for everyone - no one-size-fits-all - but my kid is also choosing a school inside the top 100 (vs a top 30 option) and I'm hoping it will boost his confidence with academics after some struggle at a rigorous high school. Hard to guess how grad schools will view this, but if a higher GPA is attainable at a lower ranked school, that might help his resume compared to what he might end up with at the harder school.