Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 12:49     Subject: Imposing relatives on MY birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a DH problem. He should have intervened long ago, before tickets were bought.


100% this.

My DH knows WAY BETTER than this!!! Even people who have a great relationship with their inlaws don't want to spend milestone birthdays with them!!!

This is all his fault. He needs to be the one to say HE MESSED UP and that you had already made plans, which he knew about and forgot, and he will cover the canceled tickets/change fees etc.


I’ve spent many birthdays, holidays and weeks with my in-laws. I try to get along with everyone.


Um I try to get along with everyone too. Which does not involve my birthday. If it works for you, GREAT. That does not mean everyone else should be forced into a family hang out they don't want on their damn birthday.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 12:47     Subject: Imposing relatives on MY birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hope OP returns and tells us if DH knew about the week in WV.


DH confessed that he was involved in the planning, this was supposed to be a surprise. 'It's so hard to get everyone together, we can go to Florida any time'.

I told him I am taking DCs and going to FL to celebrate my day. If he wants to come - great. If he'd rather spend time with his parents and siblings - fine too. I don't get a ton of leave, I am a frontline worker. Once a year I want my birthday to be about ME, not about someone else's feelings.



If my spouse planned a birthday party for me and people spent a lot of money making it happen, it would be world war 3 in my house if I refused to show up. I wouldn't do that to my spouse, but if I did, it would not go over at all.


If my spouse planned a family reunion and tried to pass it off as a party for me that required me to cancel a vacation we had both agreed on, there would be WW3 in my house.

The husband is planning a party to celebrate himself with his family. It’s his family reunion.

There are no guests that the OP wants.

It’s not even the location that OP wanted.

He’s throwing himself a party and writing her name on the cake to pass it off as a gift for her. And he wants her to give up her vacation to make it happen. And he probably wants her to thank him for it in front of everyone. This would piss me off so much. If I was bullied into it, maybe I could last a couple days, but we would definitely be having a huge fight by the end of the week. If OP does last the week without blowing up, she risks everyone loving the reunion so much that they do it again next year!





Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 12:43     Subject: Imposing relatives on MY birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hope OP returns and tells us if DH knew about the week in WV.


DH confessed that he was involved in the planning, this was supposed to be a surprise. 'It's so hard to get everyone together, we can go to Florida any time'.

I told him I am taking DCs and going to FL to celebrate my day. If he wants to come - great. If he'd rather spend time with his parents and siblings - fine too. I don't get a ton of leave, I am a frontline worker. Once a year I want my birthday to be about ME, not about someone else's feelings.



If my spouse planned a birthday party for me and people spent a lot of money making it happen, it would be world war 3 in my house if I refused to show up. I wouldn't do that to my spouse, but if I did, it would not go over at all.


But "your spouse" planned a birthday party for "you" AFTER you ALREADY had vacation plans for that same week. So if anyone is not having it go over at all, it should be "you". I'm actually flabbergasted that you think it's fine for OP's spouse to have planned a surprise (!!) family reunion - I mean party for OP - while letting her think she was going on a quiet family trip to Florida. How was that supposed to go? 'Surprise, honey, we're not going to Florida for your birthday! We're spending the week with MY family instead! Yay!' Was this going to be the day they were supposed to leave? They day before? Yeah. Bring on WW3, but it's the HUSBAND that caused it.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 12:43     Subject: Imposing relatives on MY birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hope OP returns and tells us if DH knew about the week in WV.


DH confessed that he was involved in the planning, this was supposed to be a surprise. 'It's so hard to get everyone together, we can go to Florida any time'.

I told him I am taking DCs and going to FL to celebrate my day. If he wants to come - great. If he'd rather spend time with his parents and siblings - fine too. I don't get a ton of leave, I am a frontline worker. Once a year I want my birthday to be about ME, not about someone else's feelings.



If my spouse planned a birthday party for me and people spent a lot of money making it happen, it would be world war 3 in my house if I refused to show up. I wouldn't do that to my spouse, but if I did, it would not go over at all.


Except this is not a surprise birthday party her husband is planning, which would be one event, one evening. This is a family vacation the MIL and co. are planning without consulting the OP, sabotaging pre-existing plans and the DH is refusing to set boundaries with his family of origin. The fact that it happens to be around OP’s birthday just gives the MIL a cover for what is clearly a manipulative act.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 12:41     Subject: Imposing relatives on MY birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hope OP returns and tells us if DH knew about the week in WV.


DH confessed that he was involved in the planning, this was supposed to be a surprise. 'It's so hard to get everyone together, we can go to Florida any time'.

I told him I am taking DCs and going to FL to celebrate my day. If he wants to come - great. If he'd rather spend time with his parents and siblings - fine too. I don't get a ton of leave, I am a frontline worker. Once a year I want my birthday to be about ME, not about someone else's feelings.


If my spouse planned a birthday party for me and people spent a lot of money making it happen, it would be world war 3 in my house if I refused to show up. I wouldn't do that to my spouse, but if I did, it would not go over at all.


It's not a birthday party. It's a week-long out of town trip with OP's in laws, planned without her knowledge or agreement. OP said she doesn't get much time off at her job and doesn't like her in laws. What sort of relationship do you have where your spouse would invite you to a houseful of people you dislike?

Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 12:37     Subject: Imposing relatives on MY birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Team DH. Your response comes off as childish and selfish. Your requests are a bit unreasonable - the whole week is about you? ANd your birthday wishes?

It was with good intention. ANd for people who are extroverted (like your ILs) THIS is a good idea and they assume you would like it too. SUre, you may know yourself and recoginize you're an introvert. That's fine, but not everyone around does. In fact, it's hard to recognize it in other people especially if you always put on a smile, go through the motions of being polite, appear gracious and friendly, and the like.

Surely, there will be chunks of time for just me-time, time with kids & DH, and the like so you can re-charge. No?

Can you get DH to ask your IL to babysit the kids one night while you and DH go out for the day together? Will ILs take you out for a nice dinner ? Can you make your birthday wishes known on your actual bday "I want to sleep late, leisurely shower, coffee and pastry in peace, read my book, spend a few hours with kids, and go out to XYZ restuarant for dinner"?


Would YOU change your plans gladly if you had already booked a vacation somewhere you actually wanted to go, and then suddenly your in-laws told you to cancel the trip, because they made plans for you elsewhere without telling you, where you do NOT want to go, and furthermore it will be to spend time with them, and you really don't feel this is something you want to do for your birthday?

My 40th was spent with my husband and kids, at home. I'm not a party person. But come on. Her ILs are terribly rude and disrespectful here.



I asked my wife what she wanted for her 40th birthday. I really wanted to throw a party, I had the venue all picked out, the guest list mostly finished, etc. She didn't want a party - we went to Europe for a long weekend with our nuclear family.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 12:34     Subject: Imposing relatives on MY birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hope OP returns and tells us if DH knew about the week in WV.


DH confessed that he was involved in the planning, this was supposed to be a surprise. 'It's so hard to get everyone together, we can go to Florida any time'.

I told him I am taking DCs and going to FL to celebrate my day. If he wants to come - great. If he'd rather spend time with his parents and siblings - fine too. I don't get a ton of leave, I am a frontline worker. Once a year I want my birthday to be about ME, not about someone else's feelings.



If my spouse planned a birthday party for me and people spent a lot of money making it happen, it would be world war 3 in my house if I refused to show up. I wouldn't do that to my spouse, but if I did, it would not go over at all.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 12:33     Subject: Imposing relatives on MY birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'll be the dissenting opinion here and say that I think OP is acting like a petulant child with the "MY birthday week" garbage. It always rubs me the wrong way when an adult acts like their birthday is this huge holiday and they should get whatever their heart desires. All you did to deserve that day is be born.


+1 -- just politely decline and move on. Adults who think they get a birthday week and it's a holy holiday are ridiculous.


I agree with this, generally. But, that doesn't mean that her DH should plan a family reunion - his family reunion! - for the week she has a trip already scheduled as a "surprise" for her. That's absurd.

Perhaps I'm a bigger ass than many of you, but I would just say, "I'm not doing that."
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 12:33     Subject: Imposing relatives on MY birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hope OP returns and tells us if DH knew about the week in WV.


DH confessed that he was involved in the planning, this was supposed to be a surprise. 'It's so hard to get everyone together, we can go to Florida any time'.

I told him I am taking DCs and going to FL to celebrate my day. If he wants to come - great. If he'd rather spend time with his parents and siblings - fine too. I don't get a ton of leave, I am a frontline worker. Once a year I want my birthday to be about ME, not about someone else's feelings.


Stick to your guns, OP. Let your husband suffer the natural consequences, i.e. the wrath of his family.


I agree with this. I wouldn't change your plans, you'll end up blowing up at his family.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 12:32     Subject: Imposing relatives on MY birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a DH problem. He should have intervened long ago, before tickets were bought.


100% this.

My DH knows WAY BETTER than this!!! Even people who have a great relationship with their inlaws don't want to spend milestone birthdays with them!!!

This is all his fault. He needs to be the one to say HE MESSED UP and that you had already made plans, which he knew about and forgot, and he will cover the canceled tickets/change fees etc.


I’ve spent many birthdays, holidays and weeks with my in-laws. I try to get along with everyone.


Do you like your in-laws to spend so much time with them?
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 12:31     Subject: Imposing relatives on MY birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP where’s your family?



Parents are long deceased, brother lives in Europe. We can't see him due to COVID restrictions. He is not vaccinated yet.


Bummer. I was going to suggest asking your whole family to crash the house party—preferably staying there too—if DH tried to insist.

This is just so wrong. I would be livid about spending vacation days like this. That it’s on your birthday is icing on the cake. Say no. Consider 40 the decade you stand up for yourself.

Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 12:30     Subject: Imposing relatives on MY birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hope OP returns and tells us if DH knew about the week in WV.


DH confessed that he was involved in the planning, this was supposed to be a surprise. 'It's so hard to get everyone together, we can go to Florida any time'.

I told him I am taking DCs and going to FL to celebrate my day. If he wants to come - great. If he'd rather spend time with his parents and siblings - fine too. I don't get a ton of leave, I am a frontline worker. Once a year I want my birthday to be about ME, not about someone else's feelings.


Stick to your guns, OP. Let your husband suffer the natural consequences, i.e. the wrath of his family.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 12:27     Subject: Imposing relatives on MY birthday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a DH problem. He should have intervened long ago, before tickets were bought.


100% this.

My DH knows WAY BETTER than this!!! Even people who have a great relationship with their inlaws don't want to spend milestone birthdays with them!!!

This is all his fault. He needs to be the one to say HE MESSED UP and that you had already made plans, which he knew about and forgot, and he will cover the canceled tickets/change fees etc.


I’ve spent many birthdays, holidays and weeks with my in-laws. I try to get along with everyone.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 12:22     Subject: Imposing relatives on MY birthday
Anonymous wrote:I hope OP returns and tells us if DH knew about the week in WV.


DH confessed that he was involved in the planning, this was supposed to be a surprise. 'It's so hard to get everyone together, we can go to Florida any time'.

I told him I am taking DCs and going to FL to celebrate my day. If he wants to come - great. If he'd rather spend time with his parents and siblings - fine too. I don't get a ton of leave, I am a frontline worker. Once a year I want my birthday to be about ME, not about someone else's feelings.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 12:22     Subject: Imposing relatives on MY birthday
OP when is your DH’s birthday?

Say your Florida hotel is non refundable but it would be a great idea to reschedule the family vacation fir your husband’s birthday!