Anonymous
Post 04/11/2021 18:39     Subject: Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So you don’t use her for “real” childcare - only on weekends to get some downtime? Since you don’t actually NEED her to watch the kids, I would put my foot down and decline her request. She’s way out of bounds.


Yeah, this is the part I don't get. The husband DOESN'T WORK but he can't watch the kids during the week. The wife "works" but it is a start-up not bringing in any money and no health insurance, and SHE needs a break on the weekends??? There is something going really wrong in this household and it isn't the grandparents.


OP here. My husband does the bulk of the childcare during the week. My parents help on some weekends (usually one day, sometimes overnight). They had also promised to watch kids for a week so we could have a vacation.

We have good health insurance. We are comfortably covering our bills from savings, we just don't have $40K/year for a nanny.

I'm not sure if I'm missing something here, but we have two young kids and it's really hard. They need to constantly be watched, they wake up at night. When I'm not working, I watch them, husband applies to jobs or cooks or does laundry. We are both on every single minute 13-14 hours/day (except bathroom breaks). We both did investment banking in the past, and this is harder. When one kid is napping or calmly playing, the other is awake. If they're both occupied, we need to make lunch or dinner or take out the trash or pay the bills. We try not to do too much screentime and we cook our own food (no separate meals for kids).

Maybe there's some parenting secret we haven't figured out since the youngest was born, but yes, we are both working really hard all day every day to keep up with running the startup (me), applying to jobs (husband), and kids/house (both of us). Obviously if our kids were older and in school, this would not be a problem, but that's a few years away.


Welcome to parenthood, OP. Most of us are doing it without any grandparents to help. Consider yourself lucky.


Exactly. It is really weird that OP and her husband are so exhausted by this, especially when the husband is essentially the stay-at-home parent. Being at home during the pandemic is MUCH easier than it is schlepping kids to childcare so that both parents can go into an office to work. If they're exhausted now, then there is no way they'll be able to handle a return to real life. Sheesh.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2021 17:18     Subject: Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So you don’t use her for “real” childcare - only on weekends to get some downtime? Since you don’t actually NEED her to watch the kids, I would put my foot down and decline her request. She’s way out of bounds.


Yeah, this is the part I don't get. The husband DOESN'T WORK but he can't watch the kids during the week. The wife "works" but it is a start-up not bringing in any money and no health insurance, and SHE needs a break on the weekends??? There is something going really wrong in this household and it isn't the grandparents.


OP here. My husband does the bulk of the childcare during the week. My parents help on some weekends (usually one day, sometimes overnight). They had also promised to watch kids for a week so we could have a vacation.

We have good health insurance. We are comfortably covering our bills from savings, we just don't have $40K/year for a nanny.

I'm not sure if I'm missing something here, but we have two young kids and it's really hard. They need to constantly be watched, they wake up at night. When I'm not working, I watch them, husband applies to jobs or cooks or does laundry. We are both on every single minute 13-14 hours/day (except bathroom breaks). We both did investment banking in the past, and this is harder. When one kid is napping or calmly playing, the other is awake. If they're both occupied, we need to make lunch or dinner or take out the trash or pay the bills. We try not to do too much screentime and we cook our own food (no separate meals for kids).

Maybe there's some parenting secret we haven't figured out since the youngest was born, but yes, we are both working really hard all day every day to keep up with running the startup (me), applying to jobs (husband), and kids/house (both of us). Obviously if our kids were older and in school, this would not be a problem, but that's a few years away.


Welcome to parenthood, OP. Most of us are doing it without any grandparents to help. Consider yourself lucky.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2021 16:49     Subject: Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor
Some of these responses are ridiculous.

OP, both sets of grandparents are local and the kids go to their houses 1-2× a week, including weekend overnights with one set once a month. No strings attached or going back on something. Sorry about your situation.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2021 15:25     Subject: Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP is doing a start-up? Her DH has no job. They still need mom for some kid-watching times. The kid told grandma something. The kid looks exhausted. Everything is indicating that the party at fault here is op and her dh.
I know times are hard with covid, but come on people, get a job at a grocery store and provide income so you can feed your kids!
This is why grandma is worried, how can OP and her dh provide anything let alone good health care for their kids when they can't even put a foot on the table.
OP should be grateful that grandma didn't call CPS and started the process to take custody of these poor kids.


No one should be putting their feet on the table. Were you raised in a barn?

Ok, that is a funny spelling mistake, I admit!
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2021 15:21     Subject: Re:Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor
OP, I sounds like you and your husband are doing your best and doing ok. Life is hard with little kids and you need breaks!

But I agree with others that it’s time to draw hard boundaries with your mom and remove her from childcare. What she is demanding is too much. A nanny may be too expensive, but how about a babysitter for 5-10 hours a week? Or schedule swap days with another family. Do whatever you have to do to set and keep boundaries.

I know that it seems a long way off now, but it won’t be too much longer until your kids are in school and you will be glad you did this. Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2021 15:03     Subject: Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor
Anonymous wrote:OP is doing a start-up? Her DH has no job. They still need mom for some kid-watching times. The kid told grandma something. The kid looks exhausted. Everything is indicating that the party at fault here is op and her dh.
I know times are hard with covid, but come on people, get a job at a grocery store and provide income so you can feed your kids!
This is why grandma is worried, how can OP and her dh provide anything let alone good health care for their kids when they can't even put a foot on the table.
OP should be grateful that grandma didn't call CPS and started the process to take custody of these poor kids.


This reads like a work of pure fiction. OP and her husband were both previously in finance, during which they made tons of money, and they’re covering their bills just fine right now with savings.

OP, you are enmeshed with your mother and you probably need to make a hard decision now about whether you’re ready to break free. This is a long pattern for her and the recent request to take your DC to the doctor won’t be the last completely inappropriate demand.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2021 14:50     Subject: Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor
Anonymous wrote:OP is doing a start-up? Her DH has no job. They still need mom for some kid-watching times. The kid told grandma something. The kid looks exhausted. Everything is indicating that the party at fault here is op and her dh.
I know times are hard with covid, but come on people, get a job at a grocery store and provide income so you can feed your kids!
This is why grandma is worried, how can OP and her dh provide anything let alone good health care for their kids when they can't even put a foot on the table.
OP should be grateful that grandma didn't call CPS and started the process to take custody of these poor kids.


No one should be putting their feet on the table. Were you raised in a barn?
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2021 14:10     Subject: Re:Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor
Anonymous wrote:I would say something like this: "Mom, thanks for your concern. Unfortunately, they are only allowing one adult to bring in the kids for their appointment during COVID so only I can take them. I will definitely ask about the undereye circles. We would love to have you continue to watch the kids occasionally, but if you prefer not to, we understand."


Op, this is the least drama way to approach this. Go with this. In a polite tone.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2021 14:09     Subject: Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor
OP is doing a start-up? Her DH has no job. They still need mom for some kid-watching times. The kid told grandma something. The kid looks exhausted. Everything is indicating that the party at fault here is op and her dh.
I know times are hard with covid, but come on people, get a job at a grocery store and provide income so you can feed your kids!
This is why grandma is worried, how can OP and her dh provide anything let alone good health care for their kids when they can't even put a foot on the table.
OP should be grateful that grandma didn't call CPS and started the process to take custody of these poor kids.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2021 14:01     Subject: Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Call their bluff. But then you must live with the consequences. Tell them no, and don't ask them for childcare help. They will fold so quick.


However, this is an unhealthy relationship. You should not rely on them like this. Your husband can take care of the kids. ridic he isn't now


OK, i see you're just exhausted/they help on weekends. But this will pass- you need to pull their help now. Vacation will come. Ask a friend to trade off for help on the weekends. It will pass. Your mom needs her bluff called
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2021 13:58     Subject: Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor
Anonymous wrote:Call their bluff. But then you must live with the consequences. Tell them no, and don't ask them for childcare help. They will fold so quick.


However, this is an unhealthy relationship. You should not rely on them like this. Your husband can take care of the kids. ridic he isn't now
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2021 13:57     Subject: Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor
Call their bluff. But then you must live with the consequences. Tell them no, and don't ask them for childcare help. They will fold so quick.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2021 13:53     Subject: Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor
Under eye circles can be caused by allergies. Both the kid and the husband should get checked out. Then the husband needs to get a job--ANY job. Get some money coming in. Good grief.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2021 13:19     Subject: Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor


OP,

If you're still reading, please don't take all these comments to heart. Your parents are helping you out, and have some annoying traits. Surely you can deal with those while you're temporarily in need of childcare, right? Take the long view. Your mother is highly anxious and unreasonable, but doesn't seem like she would hurt your children. She just likes to blow everything out of proportion and blame you. Annoying, but ultimately, she won't be able to do this for ever. She'll get older, the kids will go to school, you'll get jobs and will pay for aftercare at school, all this problem will go away in a few years.

My advice would be hang in there. Don't take the bait. She want to accompany you? Only if the doctor lets her. She's worried about something, she wants to buy something? Sure, let her. She can pretend to be the only responsible parent if that's what makes her anxiety better. She can whine and boast about the situation to her friends if she wants. Meanwhile you're saving money, and don't need to run around looking for a daycare. I call that a win-win

And don't worry about the undereye circles. They're due to allergies.




Anonymous
Post 04/11/2021 13:10     Subject: Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor
Anonymous wrote:People on DCUM are so dramatic with their "exhaustion." Try working two jobs where you're on your feet all day.


Yep. And everyone’s job is DEMANDING. And they don’t have enough BANDWIDTH.