Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This poster is a troll. Her earlier post about how disappointed she was in her son was deleted by Jeff.

+1

Anonymous wrote:OP if you're not a troll, just let your son be. Keep supporting him, let him make his own choices, make sure he has mental health support if he needs it (motivation is affected by anxiety, depression, ADHD, etc.), offer tutoring. Let him get whatever grades he gets. With a degree from a good school, the grades may not matter unless he wants to go to grad school. Just make sure he understands the trade offs and leave him be and love him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you may need to cut your kid off financially I don't mean tuition I mean extras. Make him get a job while at college to support himself. Give him a taste of the reality you've been talking about but which he isn't quite grasping.

I am sorry you're going through this but I do think the only thing you can do is start taking stuff away.

I don't give him money for extras at all. I only pay for tuition and room and board. He's still not getting it

So stop paying for his phone / his clothes / travel costs. Where else is he getting money?

Anonymous wrote:this person is a troll. they say their kid didn't go to high school here but toss around "big 3." don't take the bait.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you may need to cut your kid off financially I don't mean tuition I mean extras. Make him get a job while at college to support himself. Give him a taste of the reality you've been talking about but which he isn't quite grasping.

I am sorry you're going through this but I do think the only thing you can do is start taking stuff away.

I don't give him money for extras at all. I only pay for tuition and room and board. He's still not getting it

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you may need to cut your kid off financially I don't mean tuition I mean extras. Make him get a job while at college to support himself. Give him a taste of the reality you've been talking about but which he isn't quite grasping.

I am sorry you're going through this but I do think the only thing you can do is start taking stuff away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Assuming your narrative is true, you should give your child a lot more space. He clearly understands that you are disappointed in him, wish he was a STEM major, and hoped he would make millions at a tech, finance, or consulting company. However, he’s not interested in that outcome. OP, what would you do if you knew that your ideas, hopes, and ambitions were deemed worthless by your parents? For many kids, they quit sharing. Who needs constant negativity? And, he likely doesn’t have all the answers for his ultimate direction, which makes it difficult for him to cogently argue his case. He may be failing at labs and RA roles not only because he hates it, but also because he wants to convince you that it’s not worth trying to push him into a STEM major. Just pay the bills, relate to him as a human being, quit asking him about his plans, and chill out. Your son is not a high-tech stock: quit trying to calculate the near-term ROI!!!!

You know, if I were a Big 3 parent who had a trust fund for my DS, this would be okay. But he's on his own after graduation, and we want to make sure that his first job isn't making $30k a year at some nonprofit barely scrapping by without any room for moving up. Which, I might add, is how the majority of Ivy grads in his situation end up. He could've done that for free from our state school.

Why not? Those jobs have value, both in themselves and as a learning experience for him. $30k is very minimal. He will figure that out much faster if he experiences it. And he's graduated, so it's time for you to let him rise or fail on his own merit and his own decisionmaking.

My friend went to Wharton undergrad - very prestigious. Came out and went to one of those $30k nonprofit jobs. 15 years on she's marketing director at a large, well-known nonprofit that serves children. She'll probably never make more than $90k if she's lucky, but she is passionate about her job, and she is able to live in a low cost of living area where the money goes farther than it does here. She's happy.

But she can just marry rich. DS doesn't have that option.

Anonymous wrote:
Did he go to a top high school and walk in with the skill set necessary to be competitive? It is very hard to compete with kids who have had the first two years of college in high school and are used to the teaching methods (had teachers from the T5 teach the same class in high school). If you do not have those skills you will get bad grades and not catch up for several years.