Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me clarify because I think I was not clear:

1) nanny, her husband and kids all live in our basement (for free if it matters)

2) nanny’s mom is being discharged today from the hospital after Covid (and 4 negative tests)

3) nanny did NOT ask for time off, but asked to bring her mom to our house (in the basement) so nanny can take care of her. Nanny cannot take care of mom in mom’s house, but nanny’s dad could take care of her (I think).

My questions are:

1) do I let her bring her mom to our house and let my nanny take care of my kids.

2) do I let mom come to my house and take time off from work to take care of my kids (this is really bad for me professionally this week)

3) say no to the nanny (her mom can’t stay here) and I think mom’s husband will have to take care of his wife

As concerns the bolded, you don't need to take off from work.

Your nanny can handle both kids and look after her mom for a short while.

Three kids counting the nanny’s baby. OP said the nanny just had a baby kast summer even though she has two kids in college. And they all live happily in OP’s basement.

Anonymous wrote:Glad you found a solution, Op. Also, if nanny’s mom and dad live in the nursing home and mom couldn’t go back to the nursing home right away (as you said), then nanny’s dad wasn’t an option to take care of mom. Nanny’s sister was brought up later but I’m going to assume that she lives in another state. I admire you for living with your nanny and her entire family. I need privacy and separation and could not have done a live in situation when my kids were young. You have the entire family staying with you. Bless you!

OP here. Nanny is not allowed in the nursing home, but her mom is. Mom and dad live in this nursing home and work there (take care of the elderlies that live there). I guess the nursing home does not allow her daughter (my nanny) to stay with them... this is what I understand about the situation and all I know. Basically her mom is here because this is the only way her daughter can care for her. Nanny’s sister has 4 small children and pregnant with the 5th. I doubt she would be of any help.

Anonymous wrote:This is tough.

Do you have any back up childcare? Neighbor, college kid, family member that can step in for a few days?

I don't think the nanny's mom is going to spread covid, but I don't really see how the nanny can care for your kids and her mom all day.

Can you offer to pay for a carer for the nanny's mom? Maybe someone from care.com who is vaxxed?

This. It’s irresponsible, especially with kids that young, to have planned for NO options in place for backup care in case of emergency. What if your nanny herself had tested positive for COVID the week your big project was due?

Glad you found a solution, Op. Also, if nanny’s mom and dad live in the nursing home and mom couldn’t go back to the nursing home right away (as you said), then nanny’s dad wasn’t an option to take care of mom. Nanny’s sister was brought up later but I’m going to assume that she lives in another state. I admire you for living with your nanny and her entire family. I need privacy and separation and could not have done a live in situation when my kids were young. You have the entire family staying with you. Bless you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my boss said I couldn't have time off to take care of my sick mom I would tell her where to shove it. The nanny's mom is definitely not contagious anymore, if that's your actual concern.

I wish I could take time off from work, but I really can’t this week

Then you have to allow it. I don't see how you have a choice. And be incredibly grateful that she's willing to work under these circumstances, maybe reward her with double pay?

Anonymous wrote:Let me clarify because I think I was not clear:

1) nanny, her husband and kids all live in our basement (for free if it matters)

2) nanny’s mom is being discharged today from the hospital after Covid (and 4 negative tests)

3) nanny did NOT ask for time off, but asked to bring her mom to our house (in the basement) so nanny can take care of her. Nanny cannot take care of mom in mom’s house, but nanny’s dad could take care of her (I think).

My questions are:

1) do I let her bring her mom to our house and let my nanny take care of my kids.

2) do I let mom come to my house and take time off from work to take care of my kids (this is really bad for me professionally this week)

3) say no to the nanny (her mom can’t stay here) and I think mom’s husband will have to take care of his wife

As concerns the bolded, you don't need to take off from work.

Your nanny can handle both kids and look after her mom for a short while.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of how you got to this point, I think that you have very blurry lines of what is personal vs. professional with your nanny. It sounds like, to this point, those blurry lines have primarily benefitted you and your family. Now your nanny needs some of that same flexibility to care for her family.

I think it has benefited both. I told her she can bring her mom here and stay as long as she needs to. We will all take care of the kids so that we can all work and take care of mom. Nit sure it will work

You made the right choice OP.

Your 7 year old does not have school this week, so the nanny will be able to juggle fine this week.

It might not work out, but you gave it a whole hearted try. You were compassionate and understand. I hope things work out and her mother is strong enough to go back to her husband(nanny's father) in a few weeks.

I say 2. Let the nanny’s mom come and stay. It sounds like the Covid risks are minimal; that this is a temporary transition period between the mom being released from the hospital and returning to her own home — which is also her place of work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of how you got to this point, I think that you have very blurry lines of what is personal vs. professional with your nanny. It sounds like, to this point, those blurry lines have primarily benefitted you and your family. Now your nanny needs some of that same flexibility to care for her family.

I think it has benefited both. I told her she can bring her mom here and stay as long as she needs to. We will all take care of the kids so that we can all work and take care of mom. Nit sure it will work

OP has suddenly done a complete about face. A few hours ago there was no way she could watch her own kids and now suddenly it’s all kumbaya, of course nanny can bring her mother, of course I can help her watch watch my own kids.

Whatever. SMH at people like this who start threads.

Omg, wow. I just, lol.

She’s not contagious so if she’s part of the family as you say, her family is your family.

Otherwise, find a babysitter like the rest of us or take time off of work — you can, you choose not to.

Op, glad you worked it out. And if having an entire household living in your basement works for you, great. If not, you need to think about an exit strategy and also about backup care if your DH travels regularly.

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of how you got to this point, I think that you have very blurry lines of what is personal vs. professional with your nanny. It sounds like, to this point, those blurry lines have primarily benefitted you and your family. Now your nanny needs some of that same flexibility to care for her family.

I think it has benefited both. I told her she can bring her mom here and stay as long as she needs to. We will all take care of the kids so that we can all work and take care of mom. Nit sure it will work

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Anonymous wrote:My husband is traveling and won’t be home until Friday. I also just started a new job in January and my main project (since I started) is due on Monday. This is suck bad timing for me

So you find a backup nanny on Nextdoor or through White House Nannies or pull a favor from a friend or you let the nanny bring her mom. Life happens and the nanny is not your personal slave.

This is so offensive. Nanny is part of the family. We helped her and her family in so many ways. We brought her whole family (husband and kids) to the uS. Gave them all a place to live, helped with college applications, fees, etc. You have no clue

Which is why you think she owes it to you to blow off her mom who is still quite sick and take care of your kids?

No, it is why I can tell you that if I could, I would take time off from work (like I am doing this afternoon so she can pick up her mom).

I don't understand, can you please clarify? You found a superstar nanny from another country and brought her, her husband and kids over to the US and they all live in your basement?

Are you trafficking people?

Do you work for one of this NGO or foreign countries where people hire someone from another country, have them live with them, and basically never give them time off?

You are racist and terrible. My nanny has 2-3 months off per year. But yes, we brought her here and then found a way to LEGALLY bring here her husband and two kids...

This is not what is important right now

how is that racists? You took a woman away from her own family, from another country, to BE YOUR LIVE IN NANNY. So she could leave her kids, to take care of your kids.

Pat yourself on the back that you legally then brought her husband and her children to the US, because their mother had left.

How do you look yourself in the mirror and feel ok and superior about what you have done? You have this woman living in your basement, at your beck and call? This is disgusting.

Also, it's curious that you say you brought the nanny, THEN, her husband and her kids. So how did nanny's mom and dad wind up here, working, in a nursing home? And how on earth can living in your basement provide better care for her then living in a nursing home?! So many things don't add up. But you do sound quite off, OP.

I don’t see why this matters to you. Nanny has a sister in the US married to an American man. The sister was able to get a green card for her parents to come here.

My nanny did not want to bring her husband and kids here before knowing whether she would like it or thought it would be good for them. As soon as she was sure, we were able to get husband and kids here as well. They all have a much better life than they had (or they would not want to be in the US).
Her two kids are in college now after Excelling at US highschool. Her husband is not allowed to work because his visa does not allow him to. They are very happy here with us. Nanny just had another baby this summer and they are like family to us.

I told the nanny her mom can stay here as long as she needs her to (hopefully only 1 week) and we can take turns with the kids when she needs to help her mom or I have a video conference.

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Anonymous wrote:My husband is traveling and won’t be home until Friday. I also just started a new job in January and my main project (since I started) is due on Monday. This is suck bad timing for me

So you find a backup nanny on Nextdoor or through White House Nannies or pull a favor from a friend or you let the nanny bring her mom. Life happens and the nanny is not your personal slave.

This is so offensive. Nanny is part of the family. We helped her and her family in so many ways. We brought her whole family (husband and kids) to the uS. Gave them all a place to live, helped with college applications, fees, etc. You have no clue

Which is why you think she owes it to you to blow off her mom who is still quite sick and take care of your kids?

No, it is why I can tell you that if I could, I would take time off from work (like I am doing this afternoon so she can pick up her mom).

I don't understand, can you please clarify? You found a superstar nanny from another country and brought her, her husband and kids over to the US and they all live in your basement?

Are you trafficking people?

Do you work for one of this NGO or foreign countries where people hire someone from another country, have them live with them, and basically never give them time off?

You are racist and terrible. My nanny has 2-3 months off per year. But yes, we brought her here and then found a way to LEGALLY bring here her husband and two kids...

This is not what is important right now

how is that racists? You took a woman away from her own family, from another country, to BE YOUR LIVE IN NANNY. So she could leave her kids, to take care of your kids.

Pat yourself on the back that you legally then brought her husband and her children to the US, because their mother had left.

How do you look yourself in the mirror and feel ok and superior about what you have done? You have this woman living in your basement, at your beck and call? This is disgusting.

Also, it's curious that you say you brought the nanny, THEN, her husband and her kids. So how did nanny's mom and dad wind up here, working, in a nursing home? And how on earth can living in your basement provide better care for her then living in a nursing home?! So many things don't add up. But you do sound quite off, OP.

Yes this whole story is bizarre, to say the least. If the mom is convalescent, why isn’t she going to a rehab facility first anyway?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really the solution should be that nanny should be allowed to take care of her mother for a few days similar to how I imagine you might be allowed to take some PTO for your own mother if she was being discharged from the hospital. Her mother should be able to go to the comfort of her own home and have support from her daughter. I realize it isn't ideal to have to cover care for your kids for a few days but this is life and what you take on knowing you'll have a nanny - that they are people with family emergencies, illnesses etc. and you'll need to find back up care or take time off yourself to manage. That is my personal recommendation. It doesn't seem reasonable to me to not give your nanny a few days time here.

Ok. I will need to find a new nanny that can start tomorrow morning or my kids (between the ages of 7 and 2) will be home alone.

Jesus so dramatic. Have you never had to get backup care? That's part of having a nanny.