“I don’t care about any of the issues with the church” - what? I can perhaps see remaining a Catholic while fighting for change/reform - but staying in a faith that allows the abuse of children, is misogynistic and homophobic makes no moral sense. “I don’t care” negates any sense of ethics or personal responsibility. I left because of these factors - the superiority, clericalism and hate for others was not Christian.

DD of a then-called “mixed marriage” of a Jesuit educated father born in 1933 and a Protestant mom born in 1939 who married significantly (for their generation) later in life.

Father was a military officer and alcoholic who thought himself in charge of all DC’s religious education. We attended church sporadically and I recall being “behind” on receiving sacraments so there was a rush to get my first communion so that I could track to get confirmed by 8th grade.

Dad refused to enroll any of us in private schools maybe because we moved every 2 years. Sometimes we’d go to church with our mom.

Married a never baptized man who was the DS of hippies. We got married in a Catholic Church. DH willingly went to church with me but together we decided this wasn’t the church for us so we church shopped and found common ground in a Presbyterian church. I became a member, had DC baptized there. DH remains unbaptized. Married 20 years.

My parents had nothing to do with me leaving the Catholic Church. I left as soon as I was old enough to understand and witness the rampant hypocrisy and abuse (physical, psychological, and emotional) within the institution.

I still have my faith and now practice in another denomination.

I was raised Catholic, going to CCD and all the sacraments. My parents weren’t very devout Catholics, but we went to church and many of our extended family celebrations were centered around religious rites and holidays. I never felt any joy or comfort in the church, always a cold, judgmental vibe. My friends loved their other Christian faith churches, did soup kitchens and other things to serve the less fortunate, and attended fun youth camps, and my church never did anything charitable that wasn’t targeted 100% at itself. The vibe was definitely more “be right,” and less “do right”.

I don’t think anything my parents could have done would have changed me leaving. I suspect I inherited the non-believer gene from my dad and was never going to last long in any genuine way in any faith. But maybe if that particular church they made me attend wasn’t so nasty, I’d have a better view of the institution as a whole and perhaps a more charitable view of its many failings.

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t criticize me for choosing to be a practicing catholic and raising my kids in the faith.

But, if you are a lapsed catholic, is there anything your parents did or did not do that contributed to you wanting to leave the church? I don’t care about any of the issues with the church. I’m well aware of the issues. But, when it came to family devotions, practices, schooling, etc...do you think your parents did or didn’t do anything that factored into your teen/adult thoughts and choices?

Yes, my parents acted like arseholes when my brother came out. The second I saw that happening I was gone and never looked back. And before you yammer that that doesn’t count because it’s an “issue with the church,” nope, that’s an issue with my parents because literally my brother’s best friend also came out to his Catholic parents and they were amazing.

I was raised as catholic as can be. Catholic school, all the bells and whistles. My parents weren't great about always taking us to church, but they were pretty devout, and my grandparents were extremely devout. They were also mostly jesuit catholics so raised me not judgemental but open to helping others and especially the poor.

The only thing they could have done was educate me less effectively. This is totally 100% true. I actually feel very Catholic from an identity perspective. I don't believe, but I feel so connected to it. And when I do go to church on like, holidays with family, I feel warm and surrounded by peace like a blanket from childhood.

All to say, I don't even have all these negative feelings about the church and I still drifted. For me, religion has a whole just doesn't make sense, it doesn't call to me, I don't find peace in its explanations.

Learning about the history of religions (all of them), science, the universe, the vast scope of what we do not know, to some people these things lead to God, to me it led to feeling small and inconsequential. I think it is Catholocism though that ensured I didn't become bleak and nihilistic but rather grateful to have been randomly selected to have consciousness, and to feel responsible to treat this gift with care and spread kindness and empathy.

I let my grandparents believe I believed. My mom is very upset I have drifted. I think she regrets sending me to college! But your kids will see the world through their own eyes and draw their own conclusions, and I think it is important to be humble enough to know that while any one of us might think we have the answers, no one knows, so we should support and respect everyone on their individual journey through spirituality.

Anonymous wrote:my opimnion isju st me///pull your heads out

You bumped a 1 1/2 year old thread and you seem drunk. Are you ok?

Forcing me go to church and get the sacraments backfired. The more involved we were, the more I saw that I wasn’t buying the priests’ messages.

my opimnion isju st me///pull your heads out

My parents did everything by the book, I attended a Catholic School, we went to mass on Sundays. I received my sacraments. I was married in the church. My parents are still involved in the church. My mom is a Eucharistic Minister, my dad volunteers for Saint Joseph house. They gone to Vatican for mass several times, even had dinner with a Cardinal. They are what most would perceive as strong practicing Catholics. So I don’t think there is anything they personally did. I do still have my faith and my children to attend CCD and are receiving their sacraments, more out of “Catholic Guilt” then because I really want them to. Honestly I grew disillusioned with the treatment of women. My dioceses is one of the most conservative in the country. That is what deterred me, not the way I was raised. My parents raised me to be a strong and independent. Being a mother of daughters it’s hard to rationalize the church’s view on females and their role within the church.

Anonymous wrote:I don't go to church but in lifestyle and beliefs I'm Catholic to the core. I try to live my faith.

I don't necessarily feel I need to be in the Church. It's been my unfortunate experience to realize way too many "church" people, Catholic and Protestant, are in fact the biggest hypocrites in the world. Not expecting anyone to be perfect, and I'm certainly not perfect, but when you deliberately and maliciously live your life in a way that harms others, then you don't need to call yourself a Christian, you know?

I recall the mother of a dear friend who was raised during the Great Depression. Her grandmother was widowed. Widowed mother with a small child, immigrant with no family to fall back on - she was up the creek big-time. Her local Catholic church quietly took her in, and provided a home for them by letting them live in an empty part of the church that was not being used. That's where my friend's mom grew up, in safety and with a roof over her head at a dreadful economic time. This is the Church at its best.

And the Church at it's worst is sexually abusing altar boys in the sacristy.

A church is not needed for either activity. You can be a good or bad person without using the Church as a backdrop.

Anonymous wrote:I don't go to church but in lifestyle and beliefs I'm Catholic to the core. I try to live my faith.

I don't necessarily feel I need to be in the Church. It's been my unfortunate experience to realize way too many "church" people, Catholic and Protestant, are in fact the biggest hypocrites in the world. Not expecting anyone to be perfect, and I'm certainly not perfect, but when you deliberately and maliciously live your life in a way that harms others, then you don't need to call yourself a Christian, you know?

I recall the mother of a dear friend who was raised during the Great Depression. Her grandmother was widowed. Widowed mother with a small child, immigrant with no family to fall back on - she was up the creek big-time. Her local Catholic church quietly took her in, and provided a home for them by letting them live in an empty part of the church that was not being used. That's where my friend's mom grew up, in safety and with a roof over her head at a dreadful economic time. This is the Church at its best.

Just curious what that means as an adult? Married or single, do you follow church teachings on sexuality?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents were great; loved all people, hated racists, welcomed gay friends, active in our parish and had five kids. They could not have done more to better raise us in the Vatican II church.

Basically, John Paul II ran almost every younger person I knew out of the church. I come from a big Catholic church and have dozens of first and second cousins who get together every summer. I can count on one hand the number of people who stayed in the church. I found the Church to be backward, misogynist, intolerant, vain, greedy and hateful.

Even my mom stopped going when the child abuse legacy became too massive to be denied.

I used to say the Church was "rotten to the core" but my (former nun) cousin corrected me to say that it is "rotten at the top". Millions of good people in the church are doing great works of faith throughout the world. It is the Vatican and the Bishops who are proven criminals.

John Paul II was singlehandedly responsible for an enormous increase in young people taking their faith seriously and putting it into action. Reference “World Youth Day.”

So a lot of kids showed up at “World Youth Day” and you think that means that John Paul did something good?

Anonymous wrote:My parents were great; loved all people, hated racists, welcomed gay friends, active in our parish and had five kids. They could not have done more to better raise us in the Vatican II church.

Basically, John Paul II ran almost every younger person I knew out of the church. I come from a big Catholic church and have dozens of first and second cousins who get together every summer. I can count on one hand the number of people who stayed in the church. I found the Church to be backward, misogynist, intolerant, vain, greedy and hateful.

Even my mom stopped going when the child abuse legacy became too massive to be denied.

I used to say the Church was "rotten to the core" but my (former nun) cousin corrected me to say that it is "rotten at the top". Millions of good people in the church are doing great works of faith throughout the world. It is the Vatican and the Bishops who are proven criminals.

John Paul II was singlehandedly responsible for an enormous increase in young people taking their faith seriously and putting it into action. Reference “World Youth Day.”

I don't go to church but in lifestyle and beliefs I'm Catholic to the core. I try to live my faith.

I don't necessarily feel I need to be in the Church. It's been my unfortunate experience to realize way too many "church" people, Catholic and Protestant, are in fact the biggest hypocrites in the world. Not expecting anyone to be perfect, and I'm certainly not perfect, but when you deliberately and maliciously live your life in a way that harms others, then you don't need to call yourself a Christian, you know?

I recall the mother of a dear friend who was raised during the Great Depression. Her grandmother was widowed. Widowed mother with a small child, immigrant with no family to fall back on - she was up the creek big-time. Her local Catholic church quietly took her in, and provided a home for them by letting them live in an empty part of the church that was not being used. That's where my friend's mom grew up, in safety and with a roof over her head at a dreadful economic time. This is the Church at its best.