Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 17:56     Subject: Re:Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?
Anonymous wrote:I'm a UU and when older couples in my church have moved (one couple downsized by trading houses with the owner of the smaller house across the street), and these are people who can afford to hire movers, let it be known to the congregation that they will welcome help. Offhand it seems to me the people who ask for help are either young adults or older adults, not middle aged adults.

I think you are also allowed to draft young male relatives.

At the same time it is super super stressful to oversee friends or family when moving. Packing up the kitchen with my sister or a friend, sure. But the minute you are outnumbered by helpers you are in trouble.


My cousin was one of those "young male relatives" once and he's tall and fit. He has had 2 back surgeries and deals with issues daily still. If you care about the health and happiness of people, you don't try to use them as free labor or offer them beer and pizza to move your stuff. You pay movers and you give them a good tip like a decent human.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 16:53     Subject: Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Can you afford to hire movers?


We’re middle-aged and can afford to pay movers.


You can maybe ask family to watch your kids for an afternoon while you unpack breakables, the kids rooms, or get the bulk of unpacking done. But I agree that after about age 25, you need to hire movers and handle it yourself.


Agree that asking help with babysitting while unpacking is a different thing than asking someone to move you physically from place to place.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 15:29     Subject: Re:Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?
It’s okay to ask them for support like watching your kid or your dog for a few hours but not to help move, no. If they offer, ask them to bring everyone lunch.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 15:26     Subject: Re:Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?
Yes.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 15:11     Subject: Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Can you afford to hire movers?


We’re middle-aged and can afford to pay movers.


I would hire movers then without a doubt. It is worth every penny and the moving will be completed in a few hours and no one is going to hurt their back.



For my last four moves (at least) I found an amazing moving company* (who is charity based) who comes the day before and packs and then the moving team arrives the next day to pack up the truck. At my age I would not move myself or ask friends for help to move unless I didnt have resources otherwise to pay.

*I am not in DC so providing the company name will do you no good.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 14:51     Subject: Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My in-laws helped us move a few years ago (we are late 30s).
- They drove the kids to daycare and picked them up so we wouldn't have to worry about it on the day off the move.
- They kept the kids out of our hair while we unpacked.
- My MIL helped me decide where to put things away in the kitchen and pantry
- My FIL helped DH hang art and do some minor repairs/changes and made some runs to the hardware store for us

They did NOT do anything requiring major physical exertion. We never would've asked for that, but they help they provided was invaluable.


Very similar situation here. We are mid 30s and my parents helped us move 2 years ago. We didn't ask for the help (and wouldn't have) but were very grateful.
-Kept our pets at their house for a couple days
-Mom came over once movers had delivered furniture and boxes and helped me unpack the entire kitchen, hired her cleaners to do a deep clean before our items went in and a second clean once we were unpacked, and did a few days of gardening with me
-Dad hired their general contractor for a day to hang heavier art, secure heavy furniture with anti-tip straps, and fix a few minor items for us
-we stayed at their house for a few days while we got unpacked and got settled


Agree with all of this, very kind to have family or friends help with kids and pets if they are able to so you and your spouse can focus on the actual moving logistics. Agree it is nice to offer to help hang art etc if that is something a relative enjoys. I agree that aside from your first big move after college parents should not be asked to help move...at that point they are likely getting older and shouldn't be asked.

I would not ask anyone to help me move post-college. Pay for movers, graciously accept help that is offered and follow up with a small token gift like a bottle of wine and thank you card.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 14:49     Subject: Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Can you afford to hire movers?


We’re middle-aged and can afford to pay movers.


I would hire movers then without a doubt. It is worth every penny and the moving will be completed in a few hours and no one is going to hurt their back.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2021 20:40     Subject: Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am from another country so maybe it’s cultural but it’s almost a given that friends offer their help with moving.
Asking is also ok but you are supposed to offer and not wait to be asked.
In fact, I was in shock when two people whom I considered friends didn’t offer, though they knew I was a single mom. I ended up asking my ex for some help and he helped but it was so stressful. I let him go early and just hired a service.
I still can’t get over the two friends not offering. But at least I know where we stand in terms of friendship now


What culture is this? I cannot imagine an entire culture takes advantage of people this way. I am assuming this is your family culture and not your ethnic culture. You sound really self-absorbed and you should not use your culture as an excuse for this.


#whiteprivilege



Uh no, not white privilege, just total privilege in general to ask people you are about to risk serious injury to help you. Even worse, to expect them to help you.

#entitled #spoiled #rude


Some people need to travel more. It's not that an entire culture is taking advantage of people. Its that sometimes communities have to work together to help and support one another. It's how you stay afloat when you otherwise don't have access to (or government doesn't provide) certain services. People take so much for granted here in the US - particularly when it comes to how easy life is. Going to move? Hire movers. That's an expense that can often be filled by family/friends when you don't have the means. So yea, white privilege to not even recognize that.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2021 19:52     Subject: Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?
We received an email invitation once from a not super close family member to have a moving party. They had money but asked people to join them in packing and moving duties. I believe that they were going to provide pizza or other snacks, though can't remember now. I was unimpressed. We did not attend the party to help them move
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2021 19:49     Subject: Re:Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?
I'm a UU and when older couples in my church have moved (one couple downsized by trading houses with the owner of the smaller house across the street), and these are people who can afford to hire movers, let it be known to the congregation that they will welcome help. Offhand it seems to me the people who ask for help are either young adults or older adults, not middle aged adults.

I think you are also allowed to draft young male relatives.

At the same time it is super super stressful to oversee friends or family when moving. Packing up the kitchen with my sister or a friend, sure. But the minute you are outnumbered by helpers you are in trouble.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2021 19:34     Subject: Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?
Are you broke? If not, get movers.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2021 19:31     Subject: Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?
Anonymous wrote:It would be a local move.


Yes. You are disgustingly cheap!
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2021 17:51     Subject: Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?
Beyond your 20s, friends don't ask friends to move.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2021 15:34     Subject: Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?
In your 20s/early 30s and moving a small apartment with minimal furniture - sure. In your later 30s/40s and above and in a house - hell no. Hire movers.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2021 12:59     Subject: Is it overstepping to ask family members to help move?
I would never ask family to help us with the actual move, but I did ask my parents to take our kids for a couple of days for the last minute packing and moving day itself. They dropped the kids back off at the new house and we had already unpacked their rooms and toys. It was ideal and I really appreciated it.