Anonymous wrote:The advice about recognizing bias seems important. I went to an Ivy and my husband went to a huge state school. Our son really wants a small LAC which to us is not worth the price and would not have fit with our personalities.

I'm trying not to base my opinions of schools on what they were like 20+ years ago!

+1 Try really hard to remove your ego and interests from the equation. Kids can pick up on the slightest bit of pressure. My DS was very clear in his desire for a big state school within a reasonable drive from home. I tossed out a lot of ideas that he had no interest in -- generally because he thought they were too far -- and I had to let it go. There were smaller schools I thought could be great for him but also nixed those ideas. In the end, he applied to 4 schools. In at 2, denied at 1, waiting on the last (of course, that last one is his first choice). After recent conversations with friends whose kids applied to 20+ schools because they have no idea what they want I'm much more appreciative of DS's clarity.

The advice about recognizing bias seems important. I went to an Ivy and my husband went to a huge state school. Our son really wants a small LAC which to us is not worth the price and would not have fit with our personalities.

I'm trying not to base my opinions of schools on what they were like 20+ years ago!

HAVE to clap for these two parents:

<<let them be who they are and hope that when the time comes they will find a school who appreciates them for who they are and what they’ve done. We know for she’s not likely competitive at the top 50 or 100 schools for many reasons and we are all ok with that. We are focused on helping her find a place where she will learn and grow and thrive.>>

<<You can definitely hire a good college consultant. And I don’t judge people who do...This particular thing it was important for me to do with my kids. For a number of reasons....I know my kid better than anyone...This is the first big decision my kid makes...So you walk through it together, one step at a time. And in the end, he hopefully knows how to make next big decision. And lastly because the time I have left is limited and precious. I want to be there.....seeing him fly for the first time? It’s the most rewarding thing I have had happen in my life. It not Harvard. But it a great school for him, he’s happy, he’s getting good grades, he’s made good friends, he’s making smart choices. DH and I did it. We created a good adult. Priceless.>>

Such healthy approaches!!! Parents with kids in high school, not all advice is created equal. I would take what these two parents are saying TO THE BANK!!

Yes. A good college search is like buying a house or any other major life decision. It takes a ton of time a research. I mean, DC, MD, NOVA? Commute, schools, neighborhood, price, feel of the community. It’s the same type of process. You have to do a lot of research and a lot of (preferably in person) looking. Start with the major public universities in your state and see where your kid is competitive and if it works. Then go from there. Think about what you like and don’t like. Degree, price, grades, employability, weather, distance. And grab a Fiske Guide, pick some places that look promising where your kid is in range, and attend a virtual info session. What do you like and not like? Go from these.

With kid 2 and virtual everything, we have found these presentations where 6-8 schools that are selective but different band together to be enormously helpful. You get a 15 minute talk from each and go to breakout rooms to ask questions. We’ve added a couple schools we Never would have through off. We’ve shedding a lot quickly. And we’ve been able to narrow down criteria.

You can definately hire a good college consultant. And I don’t judge people who do. Goodness knows I outsource a lot of things. This particular thing it was important for me to do with my kids. For a number of reasons. One, I value education very highly, even for this area. It’s important to me for it to be done right. Two, I know my kid better than anyone. I know what makes him tick and I know what makes him laugh and know what situations he hates. And I see pluses and minuses I can point out to my kid that are specific to them. Three, this is the first big decision my kid makes. And if you feel lost, imagine your teen. Kids need to learn the steps of making a good decision in a complex set of circumstances. So you walk through it together, one step at a time. And in the end, he hopefully knows how to make next big decision about a job or grad school, that you won’t help him make. And lastly because the time I have left is limited and precious. I want to be there.

And seeing my kid make a good choice and having that first Zoom call, when we got the big grin and he said he loved it there and had made a good choice? Really seeing him fly for the first time? It’s the most rewarding thing I have had happen in my life.

It not Harvard. But it a great school for him, he’s happy, he’s getting good grades, he’s made good friends, he’s making smart choices. DH and I did it. We created a good adult. Priceless.

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Speechless.

Anonymous wrote:Every single response is saying the same thing over and over. I'm shocked OP couldn't figure this out when literally everyone else did.

This is OP. I could figure it out, I just wanted to make sure we weren't missing something important. We are proud of our high school but the focus there is making sure kids graduate -- where they go to college is not their priority. I have heard of more college support being offered at the higher income schools.

OP, first know your own biases. If you accept that they exist, you can push back against them or use that knowledge. Did you or your husband attend public or private? My husband and I both attended large state universities and valued our experience, for example. How much can you pay? How much are you willing to pay? That's an important start. If all you can afford/are willing to pay for is in-state, it's a no brainer. For Va or Md your student can probably apply to just about all of them.

I think something that might be helpful is for her/you to think about older kids who are similar to her in terms of academics, activities, interests and personality, and look at where they went and why.

Then you can do research and find comps. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Weird post, helicopters everywhere with this nonsense.

No, it's not. A 16/17 year old is a kid, and some need more help/guidance than others. My DD did all her college apps herself with minimal help, while my DS needed more pushing. DS matured during college and now 4 years later is doing his grad school process all on his own, and has gotten several acceptances.

Got it, again, helicopters everywhere, sorry to hurt your little feelings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Weird post, helicopters everywhere with this nonsense.

No, it's not. A 16/17 year old is a kid, and some need more help/guidance than others. My DD did all her college apps herself with minimal help, while my DS needed more pushing. DS matured during college and now 4 years later is doing his grad school process all on his own, and has gotten several acceptances.

My DD is a junior this year and I’ve had extra time due to pandemic to be able to help her with the research process. She is a bright kid with 504 and the research is overwhelming for her so we do it together. She tells me what kind of schools she thinks she would like then I pull together options and then we go through and discuss further. For us the parameters are (in no particular order): location (east or south), quality (based on US News academic ranking and common data set stats on graduation rates), programs of study (do they offer majors she is interested in), cost (we have a max per year we are willing to pay), and feasibility (does she have a chance, with her grades and test scores, to be accepted and to be successful). I am very firm about not wanting to waste our time on something that is not a realistic possibility. That said, she does have a few reaches in mind, but we are focused on what is a good match.

We have a decent list going and we have both kept an open mind. We are going to visit a few schools this spring and based on her reactions we already have a bunch of others in mind if those don’t pan out, and could check them out later in the spring or over the summer.

Others may disagree but I think people need to let go of the whole “hook” idea. You can either raise your child starting at age 5 to hopefully develop a unique skill or passion that will maybe appeal to a college admissions panel years down the line, or you can just follow their lead and let them be who they are and hope that when the time comes they will find a school who appreciates them for who they are and what they’ve done. We know for she’s not likely competitive at the top 50 or 100 schools for many reasons and we are all ok with that. We are focused on helping her find a place where she will learn and grow and thrive.

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would say don't waste time visiting schools that don't use "showing interest" as a criteria for admission. Save that for when your kid is admitted, then visit for selection. When my kids applied to schools, the admissions were all over the place--didn't get into safeties, did get into reaches, that sort of thing. They picked schools based on what they wanted to study, location, etc. Some were large, some were small. Then when they were admitted, the list was, of course, much smaller than the list they applied to. Went to those schools and picked one. This is especially good advice, IMO, if your kids are like mine and pick schools all over the place--CO, CA, Midwest, New England, and nothing local (except for an in-state safety) or in the South.

I cannot tell you how much I agree with this advice.

I think a better idea is very early on (junior year or even prior), visit different types of colleges that are close to your home, if you can. Take day trips to a SLAC, a more urban school, a public school, a research university, etc. within a couple of hours from your house, as leisurely exploratory outings, just to get a feel for types of schools.

Personally, I would say don't waste time visiting schools that don't use "showing interest" as a criteria for admission. Save that for when your kid is admitted, then visit for selection. When my kids applied to schools, the admissions were all over the place--didn't get into safeties, did get into reaches, that sort of thing. They picked schools based on what they wanted to study, location, etc. Some were large, some were small. Then when they were admitted, the list was, of course, much smaller than the list they applied to. Went to those schools and picked one. This is especially good advice, IMO, if your kids are like mine and pick schools all over the place--CO, CA, Midwest, New England, and nothing local (except for an in-state safety) or in the South.

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Weird post, helicopters everywhere with this nonsense.

PP again- getting most kids excited to visit college campuses before junior year was impossible. It would have been miserable and it’s really hard to know how your sophomore will do in the process anyway.