Anonymous
Post 02/13/2021 21:18     Subject: Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!
Dh used to be that guy but would have been mortified to let on how much he ate. He traveled with peanut butter sandwiches, pop tarts, beef jerky and tons of trail mix. Ordering an appetizer and dessert is wild. Portions are normally 2x what anyone can eat at takeout places.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2021 21:17     Subject: Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!
Anonymous wrote:A lot of it is upbringing. My husband's son had a girlfriend and when he was coming to visit, she demanded we pay for a ticket and invite her or he couldn't come. We caved in and she'd order multiple courses, bring it home and then it would go to waste as she wouldn't eat it and demand we take her out again. We put an end to it pretty quickly. We'd tell her we are all going out to dinner and you can order one entree under XXX amount.


You do realize these two situations are different. PP’s DD’s BF is ordering an extra sandwich and dessert and EATING them on the spot. He’s probably 20 and still growing.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2021 21:13     Subject: Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Rich? Is the kid from a rich family? I housed some boys from NYC and Connecticut, and if we stopped by even Burger King this one kid would order three meals!
Knowing that I had cooked dinner as well, but teen athletes so I was trying to make sure they were full. He had money from parents a ton of money, and he knew we were not that well off based on our house! Never one offered to pay for his own.


Np this seems more something a kid from a lower class family would do. At least that’s what I’ve seen. Rich kids have always had excellent manners

I will say that it’s awkward being a guest and wanting more. You offer to pay but the hosts don’t let you.


My guess is you grew up well off. In my experience, a kid who did not (I am one) would be uber focused on the extra cost of an appetizer, soda, etc. Versus someone who grew up never having to worry about those extra costs is more oblivious. I don’t think it relates to manners in either case (and regardless manners are not tied at all to income level other than fake niceties).
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2021 20:50     Subject: Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!
We take my SIL and BIL out to dinner anytime we stay with them, and she orders like crazy (in stark contrast to ordering like a mouse when we are not treating) but I also figure she’s been hosting us all week and I did offer an open-ended dinner as a direct thank you to her, so I should shut up and let her enjoy the lobster.

Stop making it open ended - it sounds like that is the issue.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2021 20:47     Subject: Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We do cook. DH cooks a lot from scratch but we don’t cook 7x per week. And sometimes if we are having leftovers or “fend for yourself” nights he is at our house and I don’t feel cooking so we order bc there’s not really enough leftovers to serve an extra person.


I've read this entire thing, and quite frankly you just sound stingy with money. He IS a guest. But you should just tell him, "Well it's been nice seeing you but we're about to have dinner so it's time for you to head home now." You clearly aren't willing to feed him as much as he wants. You claim he has bad manners, but I think you do too. And as the full-grown adult AND the host, your manners should be better.


Leave the OP alone. Nothing wrong with being stingy. OP, do you have an InstantPot? If I were you and know he's coming over, make a slow-cooked chilli or stew in it and then that's what you're having. I would cook if I knew it'd save me $15++ each time. Ten times a month, that's $150. I would cook something with beans because that's much cheaper than meat.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2021 20:47     Subject: Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh my God, you don’t really track quantity on a fast food order?!

Set some parameters for takeout: “We’re ordering from Thai Palace. Let us know what two entrees you want, and give me ideas for an appetizer to share.”


It’s manners. When I stayed at my then GF’s house, I would try to order last and gauge what to order based on what her parents ordered (and even then, try to stay on the cheap side for entrees).


I would have said manners is being a magnanimous host and not worrying about what a guest eats. If you genuinely can't afford it, cook a family dinner, but if you can fretting about what someone orders is pretty impolite.


I think setting some parameters is fine and if you are ordering take out and he’s around just accept you either need to set parameters or be magnanimous. And for chik fil a who cares - let him do whatever on those...
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2021 20:46     Subject: Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!
OH MY GOD! IT IS NOT THAT HARD.

"Hey, let me know if you guys want an entree each from Mama Angela's. We're not doing apps and dessert this time."

Done.

See how simple life is when your goal is to remove an issue, not just to gossip and find fault with a college-age dude?"
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2021 20:45     Subject: Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!
Anonymous wrote:“We’re just ordering entrees today. Do you want one?”

How difficult is that?

Say what you mean.


Exactly. Have something around for people to munch on.

BIL used to do this when he knew IL's were paying at a restaurant.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2021 20:44     Subject: Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!
Anonymous wrote:We do cook. DH cooks a lot from scratch but we don’t cook 7x per week. And sometimes if we are having leftovers or “fend for yourself” nights he is at our house and I don’t feel cooking so we order bc there’s not really enough leftovers to serve an extra person.


Honestly it just sounds like you are tired of him being over which is a different issue.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2021 20:43     Subject: Re:Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!
Anonymous wrote:If the BF posted here asking for advice, I'd tell him to modify his order practices to fall in line with the rest of your family. But since you posted here, I'm going to tell you to get over it. If he's a nice guy and he is good to your daughter and she's happy with him, this is nothing in the scheme of things.



+1. I’m kind of shocked that here on DCUM people are getting into a bunch about $15.

OP, if this young man was genuinely hungry, wouldn’t you want him to eat? Is any of this food going to waste?
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2021 20:41     Subject: Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!
Anonymous wrote:We do cook. DH cooks a lot from scratch but we don’t cook 7x per week. And sometimes if we are having leftovers or “fend for yourself” nights he is at our house and I don’t feel cooking so we order bc there’s not really enough leftovers to serve an extra person.


I've read this entire thing, and quite frankly you just sound stingy with money. He IS a guest. But you should just tell him, "Well it's been nice seeing you but we're about to have dinner so it's time for you to head home now." You clearly aren't willing to feed him as much as he wants. You claim he has bad manners, but I think you do too. And as the full-grown adult AND the host, your manners should be better.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2021 20:38     Subject: Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!
A lot of it is upbringing. My husband's son had a girlfriend and when he was coming to visit, she demanded we pay for a ticket and invite her or he couldn't come. We caved in and she'd order multiple courses, bring it home and then it would go to waste as she wouldn't eat it and demand we take her out again. We put an end to it pretty quickly. We'd tell her we are all going out to dinner and you can order one entree under XXX amount.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2021 20:35     Subject: Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!
We do cook. DH cooks a lot from scratch but we don’t cook 7x per week. And sometimes if we are having leftovers or “fend for yourself” nights he is at our house and I don’t feel cooking so we order bc there’s not really enough leftovers to serve an extra person.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2021 20:35     Subject: Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!
Anonymous wrote:College age guys eat a lot. If you only have a daughter, it can be shocking. I remember one of my brothers filling up a mixing bowl with spaghetti and meatballs and eating all of it. Maybe offer some cheaper filling items before dinner.


My DH and I have been together since college. He would have never done something like this. Who orders dessert with takeout unless asked? It’s just plain manners.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2021 20:33     Subject: Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh my God, you don’t really track quantity on a fast food order?!

Set some parameters for takeout: “We’re ordering from Thai Palace. Let us know what two entrees you want, and give me ideas for an appetizer to share.”


It’s manners. When I stayed at my then GF’s house, I would try to order last and gauge what to order based on what her parents ordered (and even then, try to stay on the cheap side for entrees).


I would have said manners is being a magnanimous host and not worrying about what a guest eats. If you genuinely can't afford it, cook a family dinner, but if you can fretting about what someone orders is pretty impolite.


One time, sure. But not when they are ordering dinner a lot and he's always around. I'd be pissed. Since he is always around, he can't be considered a guest. I don't let my kids order as much as they want, and we have restrictions on ordering. We order what is in our budget.