Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman and I don’t think it was rude at all. It was more honest than necessary but it was a good effort.

I agree. Man here and this guy was honest. He was not insulting, he just declined and gave his reason. He prefers petite woman which rules you out. We all have preferences. Very few people would date any person of any size, race, background, etc. He may be a short guy himself and found that taller women reject him where as short women don't mind, generally speaking.

What if he said “sorry no offense i think you’re probably a great person but I think you look like a horse and you’re too fat for me” would that be okay if it was honest? You don’t just say every thought you have, even if there is nothing wrong with thinking what you think.

That's not the same thing. Comparing someone to an animal is insulting, fat is an insult for people who are overweight, etc. Height is just height. There's nothing inherently derogatory or insulting about stating that a woman is tall.

People are allowed to have preferences and there's nothing with stating your preferences if you're polite about it.

You are missing the point. The issue is that having a preference is okay, but honestly doesn’t mean stating it is okay.

As a happily married tall curvy woman I think this response is direct and kind. There’s a lid for every pot. I didn’t date men under six feet, why should I take offense if they prefer someone smaller?

I may have been hurt by this when I was dating but only because of my own insecurity about my size at the time. Thankfully I’ve gotten over it and my husband is tall and prefers tall women with round butts and full thighs. He doesn’t like to bend down to hear people and likes being tall/wanted tall kids. Find yourself one of these, OP.

We’re fed these narratives that there’s only one standard of beauty. Thankfully, that’s just not true. It’s time to examine our internalized beliefs that smaller = better. Tall is good, short is good, average is good.

OP - I’m sure you’re attractive inside and out. No need to waste your time with someone who doesn’t want you as is.

Anonymous wrote:Ok, what if he said, "thanks for the interest. However, although you have a lovely face, you are heavyset and large-boned, and I prefer thin women. Best of luck." Would people find that rude?

Yes.

As a tall woman (5'10) on those apps-- and I'm conventionally attractive -- either men a) don't like tall women or b) lie about their height and won't go out with someone who is taller than their claimed height. From my experience in the "real world" with dating, it's definitely gotta be "b" Online dating is for the birds.

I'm not a fan of it. I'm past the point in my life where I am looking for feedback from potential partners. I am who I am. If someone is interested, great. If someone isn't, just let me know you are taking a pass (unless we have been dating for a while, in which case I would want an explanation as to why it is no longer working out). But for something like an internet dating site, the reason why someone is not interested is not important to me at all, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

I've answered the question plenty of times. You are desperate to think that tall is the same as fat, heavyset, horse-like, all manner of things that include a negative judgment. Tall is not an insult.

It's a fact about a physical feature, just like "tall" is. I'm exactly average height, but if a guy responded that he wasn't interested because he preferred larger-breasted women (I'm a B cup), I would think he was sort of a pig. Just not necessary to say. I wouldn't tell a guy that I wasn't interested because he wasn't tall enough. Why bother? It won't make the person feel good, and there is nothing that they can do to change it. I know you will find this hard to believe, but it is not always necessary to say every single thing you think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's probably lying about his height and knows a tall girl will bust him.

THIS.

+2
I've been hit on by attractive tall women and was unable to respond just because I couldn't get over the idea of looking up to them. Even worse the idea of getting on my tippy toes for kiss if she wore heels. Oh and what if she didn't wear heels just to protect my ego, and I knew it.

Anonymous wrote:Bottom line, rejection hurts, and that’s what’s going on here. If the guy just said, “Thanks, not interested,” she’d be wondering what happened. He told her with some specificity, and she’s mad about that. Rejection sucks, period. Move on!

But nothing 'happened', he just wasn't into her. It's not like we're talking about ghosting someone. Having someone not message you back on a dating site should barely even register as rejection, it's such a nothing. It's messaging someone back with a specific rejection that makes it into a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Ok, what if he said, "thanks for the interest. However, although you have a lovely face, you are heavyset and large-boned, and I prefer thin women. Best of luck." Would people find that rude?


Your steadfast determination to take offense doesn't make the email offensive.

You're not answering the question, which is, do you think this is offensive, and if so, how is it different than what the guy said?

I've answered the question plenty of times. You are desperate to think that tall is the same as fat, heavyset, horse-like, all manner of things that include a negative judgment. Tall is not an insult. I am a tall woman and being called "not petite" is not in any way the same as being called "heavyset" or "big boned" or "horse-like" or "looks like an alien" or whatever you're going to come up with next. It's not mean to call a woman tall. That's the end of the sentence.

That you are so bothered by the comment means you have some kind of hangup about your height. I'm sorry for that. But the guy didn't insult you, and the more you rant the more clear it is that he dodged a bullet.

Ok, what if he said, "thanks for the interest. However, although you have a lovely face, you are heavyset and large-boned, and I prefer thin women. Best of luck." Would people find that rude?


Your steadfast determination to take offense doesn't make the email offensive.

You're not answering the question, which is, do you think this is offensive, and if so, how is it different than what the guy said?

Bottom line, rejection hurts, and that’s what’s going on here. If the guy just said, “Thanks, not interested,” she’d be wondering what happened. He told her with some specificity, and she’s mad about that. Rejection sucks, period. Move on!

Anonymous wrote:Ok, what if he said, "thanks for the interest. However, although you have a lovely face, you are heavyset and large-boned, and I prefer thin women. Best of luck." Would people find that rude?

Your steadfast determination to take offense doesn't make the email offensive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a very polite and honest message... ?

—Man

Really? If a woman responded to you saying you were too short, you'd feel it was polite?

Yes, I'd appreciate her honesty. She is entitled to her preferences. I'm 5'9" which isn't really short but too short for some woman. I'm also a little chubby and I know it. It doesn't hurt me if you tell me you prefer a more fit guy. Just saying, we aren't a good fit or, you're not my type leaves me wondering. I'd rather know.

That said, any strong preferences you have or deal killers should be stated in your dating profile.

Well, a lot of people *don't* want to know, and now you know this. All you need to say is: "thanks for reaching out. I don't think we'd be a great fit but best of luck!"

Ok, what if he said, "thanks for the interest. However, although you have a lovely face, you are heavyset and large-boned, and I prefer thin women. Best of luck." Would people find that rude?

I’m a woman and his email doesn’t strike me as rude, fwiw