Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that these 'Golden Children' are often people who don't do well in life as adults, e.g. dropping out of education, drink, drugs, debts, you name it? Why did their parents favor them?

I think the parents are overcompensating some of the time. They know all is not well and they think "Golden Child" just needs a little more love, compassion, empathy, etc at the expense of other children. But it doesn't make any difference in the outcome and alienates the non-favored children.

This was the case in my family. My Mother told me as much. She said they knew that I would be ok, and my “favored” sibling needed more support.

I was the oldest of 3 and the golden child I suppose- for no other reason than I got good grades and didn't rock the boat too much I think. I was told I was smart and believed it. Consequently, I didn't work as hard or achieve as much as I should have, and took on too much student debt. I did fine in college and am gainfully employed in my field, but never really fulfilled my potential.

My middle sister has always had a chip on her shoulder about all of these perceived slights. She's always been competitive and more of an achiever, in part because I think she felt she had to. She still is convinced that my parents favor me even as an adult, despite the fact that she lives close to my parents and they have helped her out in many ways over the years, while I never moved back to our hometown. But as such I find myself pulling away and acting in ways to try to get my parents to like me less. Which is kind of messed up now that I think about it, and would never be good enough for her anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, there is. Because Golden was so academically successful, they ignored all the messages that she had personality issues (acted superior to others, took pleasure in failures of those she saw as competition, couldn't maintains friendships unless the person worshiped her and did things for her without expecting much in return, relationships with significant others ended poorly every time, etc.) So she is still quite successful and very into keeping up appearances, but she seems to have few close friends, she keeps getting into personality clashes at work and with parents of her kid's friends. She leads a conflict and drama filled life, but makes a great living and is a top notch in the field.

You just described my sister to a T.
It has to be the payback for the work success.

Wow. I just posted about my brother and it's kind of similar?

Super successful, but lots of drama.

Third poster here, this is SO similar to my brother. He is fine with surface level interactions, but lots of ongoing relational issues in every facet of his life - work, partner, friendships. My parents ignored his faults completely and still make so many excuses for him. It’s wild.

I am the first poster you quoted. Yep, fine with surface level interactions. My parents made so many excuses for the GC and consistently saw the GC as a victim in every problematic relationship (work, personal life, school days).

DH and I each have a golden child sib. Both turned out pretty similar, now that I think about it.

Both are:
- super close to parents (live nearby, and emotionally close too)
- very confident and social
- underachievers (and have had more financial help than other siblings)

Not much more to say than that- both good and bad I suppose. Both turned out just fine but haven’t spread their wings much. Both are close to parents and have had a lot of help with the grandkids but also help parents a lot (now that they are elderly and need more assistance). Both get along with the rest of the siblings fine. Any earlier resentment about them getting more help from parents has dissipated since both have taken a larger role of elder care etc since they live so close by.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, there is. Because Golden was so academically successful, they ignored all the messages that she had personality issues (acted superior to others, took pleasure in failures of those she saw as competition, couldn't maintains friendships unless the person worshiped her and did things for her without expecting much in return, relationships with significant others ended poorly every time, etc.) So she is still quite successful and very into keeping up appearances, but she seems to have few close friends, she keeps getting into personality clashes at work and with parents of her kid's friends. She leads a conflict and drama filled life, but makes a great living and is a top notch in the field.

You just described my sister to a T.
It has to be the payback for the work success.

Wow. I just posted about my brother and it's kind of similar?

Super successful, but lots of drama.

Third poster here, this is SO similar to my brother. He is fine with surface level interactions, but lots of ongoing relational issues in every facet of his life - work, partner, friendships. My parents ignored his faults completely and still make so many excuses for him. It’s wild.