Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need validation from DCUM?

??

I'm asking if other people feel the same... or if I am potentially just an oversensitive, anxious weirdo?

I actually feel the opposite OP. Whenever something really bad happens and I see how frequently POC are ignored or targeted, I feel the burden to make more white friends — almost for protection. I just imagine if I was ever the victim, I would have better chances of being take seriously with a group of white character whiteness so to speak. I’ve felt this way since high school. It’s a pure survival mode. It’s not having the luxury to chose friends based on common interests.

Survival takes precedence and I’m stuck there. I’m almost 40 years old btw.

OP - I’m sure you’ve already discovered this but DCUM is not the friendliest place for people of color.

PP here. This is not to say that my white friends haven’t been supportive because most have been wonderful. It’s just that I have had to explain a lot - and it’s exhausting and scary worrying about my husband and my sons’ safety all the time. One of my white friends thinks that racism isn’t much on an issue in the DMV area. Another asked me about previous experiences and I confided in her - only to be told that they could happen to anyone of any race. I don’t have the energy to “prove” these things. Whereas my friends who are POC already know.

I think you need to give more examples. You basically only argue that you were mad a friend called over the summer. Did you not want any white friends to call the entire summer? Did you want them to ask how you were doing (FWIW white people have basically been told to not ask POC how they’re doing because we just don’t get it). Do you want them to say nothing on social media? Do you want real, flawed friends who aren’t gold medalists in the whole olympics or are you as hell bent as you seem on ditching all your white friends because you’re racist too?

Black immigrant here. I have a diverse group of friends but I find that I have more of a connection/lots more in common with people of color / other immigrants. My therapist is white - and I’m honestly thinking of switching because I don’t feel comfortable sharing/processing how I felt this past summer (and continue to feel) about the ‘new’ anti racism
movement.

I'm a first generation immigrant and tend to form deeper connections with other first gen immigrants.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am mixed, not raised Christian, and I tend to be drawn to other mixed or POC as friends. Generally, we find each other more relatable.

I do have white Christian friends, but I feel like there's just so much explaining that it's tiring. With POC or non-Christian friends, there are many things you just "get" without the explanations.

And yes, I see the value and importance in explaining perspectives and experiences. But.... hot damn is it exhausting.

Such a southern thing to say Christian. Nobody says that in NY Unless an insult

Huh? I'm from the NE, raised Muslim. What on earth are you talking about?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through this transition in my 20s too.

I’m 2nd Gen Indian American, my close friend group is almost entirely POC. I do have a few ethnically white friends, they are first Gen immigrants though. I have first and second Gen Indian friends, first or second Gen Latina and other Asian friends, Black American and a good number of Black Caribbean and Ethiopian friends.

I feel like my interactions with regular White people feels more forced and there is too much judgement about my culture and heritage. Other groups get nuances and differences more. If I say or do something a certain way, it ends up like I’m representing all Indians or something. I don’t judge them for this, I know that their worldview has been shaped in this way because everything around them ‘Eurocentric’ which ‘others’ everyone else. I just don’t have the energy anymore for it.

+1 Asian American immigrant here. 100% of my good friends are either POC or immigrants (white or otherwise). I could never pinpoint why I felt more comfortable with these folks than white American women, but you nailed it.

+1 When I was your age, OP, I had tons of white friends (still do). But as I got older, I realized that it is sometimes a little sometimes a lot exhausting having to represent my whole race. So all of my closest friends happen to be "other," to include: black, Asian, Jewish, Arabic and white immigrants...or any immigrants in general. I agree with a previous poster who is white but an immigrant. I think people like that are more tuned into the biases, privilege and peculiarities of American white culture that the rest of us are expected to fit into.

+1. Arab American here and same story. I basically stopped having white friends in college though. I always thought this was strange or maybe there was something off putting about me to white people but I guess not!

+1
Very true. I think that the younger generation - gen Z - actually are better in making friends across cultures and do not stereotype as much. Maybe I am basing it on what I am seeing in a very educated and diverse part of MoCo and it is not true of the rest of the country?

I have diverse group of friends, and friends from my own culture - and they are important for different parts of my life. I find that keeping to just my own race or culture is very stifling because I have to act and conform to the group think. I do prefer my one-on-one relationships with people outside of my culture because then our interests match even if it is for specific activities or interests only. My children though have friends from all cultures (including White) and they are more accepting of everyone. I think of them as the new Americans!!

I am a gen-Xer btw.

Anonymous wrote:I am mixed, not raised Christian, and I tend to be drawn to other mixed or POC as friends. Generally, we find each other more relatable.

I do have white Christian friends, but I feel like there's just so much explaining that it's tiring. With POC or non-Christian friends, there are many things you just "get" without the explanations.

And yes, I see the value and importance in explaining perspectives and experiences. But.... hot damn is it exhausting.

Such a southern thing to say Christian. Nobody says that in NY Unless an insult

Anonymous wrote:Self-segregation is still segregation.

And we all know there is no such thing as separate but equal.

Op here,

Not asking to segregate or be separate at all. I’m happy to have friends of all backgrounds. My point was that during rough times for my community, it’s nice to have friends who get it and are also feeling the anxiety, fear, etc that I’m feeling instead of just changing the subject and pretending it doesn’t exist because they changed their profile pic to a black square.

Anonymous wrote:My black friends have been very supporting of me during these trying times. As a PONC - person of no color I can’t be hired. My good friend is now letting me use his black LLC to gain work.

You think you aren’t getting jobs because you’re white.

You’re a piece of work.

OP, I think everyone is different. I am a WOC (25) and I don't have any black friends; however,my friend group is very diverse - most of my friends aren't American. It has never been a problem for me, I don't really notice. Honestly, just do what feels right, if it matters to you make an effort to have it in your life

I am mixed, not raised Christian, and I tend to be drawn to other mixed or POC as friends. Generally, we find each other more relatable.

I do have white Christian friends, but I feel like there's just so much explaining that it's tiring. With POC or non-Christian friends, there are many things you just "get" without the explanations.

And yes, I see the value and importance in explaining perspectives and experiences. But.... hot damn is it exhausting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes definitely. I am adopted from Korea so my actual family and cultural background is white people. But I have always been friends with other Asian Americans and as I get older I actually seek out this friendships more intentionally than I used to. Partly because I want to raise my kids with healthy identities being minorities, but partly because over the years I have also been kind of annoyed by some (definitely not all) of my white friends’ understanding about race and culture in the USA. I don’t have the energy to bring people up to speed about the reality. I also seek out friendships of other POC (Black, Latino, Jews, etc) because even if we don’t have the same background I know there are some shared understanding. All of my white friends are usually pretty woke or married to POC.

This is 100% true. There is an unspoken understanding between (most) POC.

+1. Except the sad uncultured POC like the South Asian lady who posted earlier.

I'm not that poster, but I don't think that PP is "sad uncultured". It's just a different mindset. And I say this as someone who mostly has POC or immigrant friends.

Who was sad and uncultured?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes definitely. I am adopted from Korea so my actual family and cultural background is white people. But I have always been friends with other Asian Americans and as I get older I actually seek out this friendships more intentionally than I used to. Partly because I want to raise my kids with healthy identities being minorities, but partly because over the years I have also been kind of annoyed by some (definitely not all) of my white friends’ understanding about race and culture in the USA. I don’t have the energy to bring people up to speed about the reality. I also seek out friendships of other POC (Black, Latino, Jews, etc) because even if we don’t have the same background I know there are some shared understanding. All of my white friends are usually pretty woke or married to POC.

This is 100% true. There is an unspoken understanding between (most) POC.

+1. Except the sad uncultured POC like the South Asian lady who posted earlier.

I'm not that poster, but I don't think that PP is "sad uncultured". It's just a different mindset. And I say this as someone who mostly has POC or immigrant friends.