Anonymous
01/13/2021 08:38
Subject: Affair-proof your marriage
The whole concept of “affair proofing” is flawed. You never know what life will bring. The best thing you can do is love and respect and really know yourself, and hopefully you also feel genuine love, respect and friendship with your partner. Aside from that and maintaining healthy connections and communication, lose expectations of what life “owes” you. Accept that we can only control so much and you will be ok either way—even if the outcome isn’t what you wanted. Living in a black and white world will set you up for either failure or delusion.
Anonymous
01/13/2021 08:34
Subject: Re:Affair-proof your marriage
"According to the current results, spouses of both genders are less likely to be involved in extramarital sex when they are young, their marriage is still in its early stages, and any children are relatively young and vulnerable. During this phase of child rearing, investment in the relationship, family, and children serves as a strong barrier.
"However, at a certain point, our evolutionary heritage outweighs investment-related factors as the driving force behind sexual behavior. Our results support suggestions by others that women’s rates of infidelity peak around age 40 to 45, shortly before menopause. It may be that, for women, the approach of menopause upsets the equilibrium between competing impulses achieved when the children are relatively young — that is, between the evolutionary drive to produce more children while one is still fertile, and the desire to invest in those already existing."
"However, at a certain point, our evolutionary heritage outweighs investment-related factors as the driving force behind sexual behavior. Our results support suggestions by others that women’s rates of infidelity peak around age 40 to 45, shortly before menopause. It may be that, for women, the approach of menopause upsets the equilibrium between competing impulses achieved when the children are relatively young — that is, between the evolutionary drive to produce more children while one is still fertile, and the desire to invest in those already existing."
Anonymous
01/13/2021 08:29
Subject: Affair-proof your marriage
Next can we get a post on how to abuse-proof your marriage? Or rape-proof your marriage?
Because every time a man does something wrong a woman is really at fault. People who say this nonsense always seem like they'd blame their child if the child was molested.
Because every time a man does something wrong a woman is really at fault. People who say this nonsense always seem like they'd blame their child if the child was molested.
Anonymous
01/13/2021 08:29
Subject: Re:Affair-proof your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP- why do wives cheat in numbers as great as husbands nowadays?
Wives cheat for entirely different reasons. Rarely is it due to her husband rejecting her. More likely she’s bored with him and needs the novelty of an exciting new man. It’s kind of hard to affair proof that.
That little gem I bolded is 99% of the reason men cheat. You don’t think men get bored with the same person (no matter how wonderful she is) over time? It’s why most affairs happen in midlife (men 45-55 are peak ages).
You are funny with your little theories. I really worry what will happen to you later in life when you realize you have no control over another person’s actions.
Anonymous
01/13/2021 08:26
Subject: Re:Affair-proof your marriage
Anonymous wrote:ACTUALLY, studies show men less invested in the marriage (don’t pull their weight around the house, focus on work solely, etc) are more likely to cheat. This happens over time in a marriage. A wife doing everything at home allows him a lot more time and he has less emotional investment.
Yep. They have the work wives.
Anonymous
01/13/2021 08:24
Subject: Re:Affair-proof your marriage
ACTUALLY, studies show men less invested in the marriage (don’t pull their weight around the house, focus on work solely, etc) are more likely to cheat. This happens over time in a marriage. A wife doing everything at home allows him a lot more time and he has less emotional investment.
Anonymous
01/13/2021 08:20
Subject: Affair-proof your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Girl, whatever helps you sleep at night.
But also, I have no interest in keeping around a man who isn’t interested in me or doesn’t respect me. Isn’t the hope that a couple can mutually enjoy their relationship? The way these to do lists are written come off as sad and joyless.
Plus 1 Million. Why the hell would I want to keep a man like that around?
I don’t need a list either.
My husband does all of those things anyways.
We have an egalitarian relationship.
Studies indicated that egalitarian is a major lady boner killer, which sounds like the opposite of affair proofing.
How frequently do you have sex? Are you sexually attracted to him? How often are YOU initiating? How often are you rejecting?
Cite the study please.
3-4 times per week and we have been married 22 years, together 24.
I make $175k, my husband makes $450k
He does more around the house than me a lot of days and that is a major lady boner right there.
I couldn’t be turned on by a man that thought he was superior and entitled. One that expected me to wait on him hand and foot. Seeing him do stuff around the house and with our kids...and make dinner and do laundry some days (just like me) is what gives me energy for sex.
Anonymous
01/13/2021 08:19
Subject: Affair-proof your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Girl, whatever helps you sleep at night.
But also, I have no interest in keeping around a man who isn’t interested in me or doesn’t respect me. Isn’t the hope that a couple can mutually enjoy their relationship? The way these to do lists are written come off as sad and joyless.
Plus 1 Million. Why the hell would I want to keep a man like that around?
I don’t need a list either.
My husband does all of those things anyways.
We have an egalitarian relationship.
Studies indicated that egalitarian is a major lady boner killer, which sounds like the opposite of affair proofing.
How frequently do you have sex? Are you sexually attracted to him? How often are YOU initiating? How often are you rejecting?
Cite the study please.
3-4 times per week and we have been married 22 years, together 24.
I make $175k, my husband makes $450k
He does more around the house than me a lot of days and that is a major lady boner right there.
Anonymous
01/13/2021 08:01
Subject: Affair-proof your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Girl, whatever helps you sleep at night.
But also, I have no interest in keeping around a man who isn’t interested in me or doesn’t respect me. Isn’t the hope that a couple can mutually enjoy their relationship? The way these to do lists are written come off as sad and joyless.
Plus 1 Million. Why the hell would I want to keep a man like that around?
I don’t need a list either.
My husband does all of those things anyways.
We have an egalitarian relationship.
Studies indicated that egalitarian is a major lady boner killer, which sounds like the opposite of affair proofing.
How frequently do you have sex? Are you sexually attracted to him? How often are YOU initiating? How often are you rejecting?
Anonymous
01/13/2021 07:55
Subject: Re:Affair-proof your marriage
Anonymous wrote:OP- why do wives cheat in numbers as great as husbands nowadays?
Wives cheat for entirely different reasons. Rarely is it due to her husband rejecting her. More likely she’s bored with him and needs the novelty of an exciting new man. It’s kind of hard to affair proof that.
Anonymous
01/13/2021 07:52
Subject: Re:Affair-proof your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Man here, while I don't speak for all men, in general there are definitely things you can do to reduce the chance of getting cheated on. It's basically common-sense. Be a good loving spouse and keep him sexually interested and satisfied. Men are still going to be tempted and some will cheat even if you do all the right things. But its also true that the more he has to lose, the less likely he will cheat. He has nothing to lose if he is sexless.
This simply isn't true take responsibility for being a bum man that cheats. Geesh! People want to blame women for everything!
Blame has nothing to do with it. A low sex marriage is already a dead platonic relationship that (from man’s perspective) is no different than divorce. At that point, getting sex elsewhere is absolutely the valid choice. Like PP said: zero to lose. You can argue this until you are blue in the face. But it is the gospel truth.
Most men who cheat do it simply to get more sex. Men who get enough sex rarely cheat.
Anonymous
01/13/2021 07:48
Subject: Re:Affair-proof your marriage
OP- why do wives cheat in numbers as great as husbands nowadays?
Anonymous
01/13/2021 07:36
Subject: Affair-proof your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Girl, whatever helps you sleep at night.
But also, I have no interest in keeping around a man who isn’t interested in me or doesn’t respect me. Isn’t the hope that a couple can mutually enjoy their relationship? The way these to do lists are written come off as sad and joyless.
Plus 1 Million. Why the hell would I want to keep a man like that around?
I don’t need a list either.
My husband does all of those things anyways.
We have an egalitarian relationship.
Anonymous
01/13/2021 07:34
Subject: Affair-proof your marriage
Anonymous wrote:How to push your husband to cheat:
Don't make his life easier: don't pull your weight around the house. When something comes up, say "we need to..." and expect him to do it.
Expect him to wait on you. In the car, in the bed, at the table.
Don't make him feel desirable: don't initiate sex. don't give him bjs. don't compliment him on his qualities.
Maybe you found the 1 in 100 guy who will stick around for no sex, no housework, no appreciation.
But, most guys (and gals, I assume) will eventually do the math and figure that even with the financial loss of a divorce, they'd be ahead in their own house, run their own way, free to pursue women who are appreciative of the man's qualities.
We're all flawed. Don't expect flawless fidelity if you're not meeting his needs. Maybe you can console yourself that it was 'him' when he's banging Stacy the waitress and then happily going back to his bachelor pad to do whatever it is he likes to do.
Newsflash: men that cheat usually aren’t meeting their wive’s needs.
Again, good wives and mothers are cheated on every day. It’s not about them. It’s about him.
It’s disgusting you still lay the blame on the victim.
Anonymous
01/13/2021 04:54
Subject: Affair-proof your marriage
How to push your husband to cheat:
Don't make his life easier: don't pull your weight around the house. When something comes up, say "we need to..." and expect him to do it.
Expect him to wait on you. In the car, in the bed, at the table.
Don't make him feel desirable: don't initiate sex. don't give him bjs. don't compliment him on his qualities.
Maybe you found the 1 in 100 guy who will stick around for no sex, no housework, no appreciation.
But, most guys (and gals, I assume) will eventually do the math and figure that even with the financial loss of a divorce, they'd be ahead in their own house, run their own way, free to pursue women who are appreciative of the man's qualities.
We're all flawed. Don't expect flawless fidelity if you're not meeting his needs. Maybe you can console yourself that it was 'him' when he's banging Stacy the waitress and then happily going back to his bachelor pad to do whatever it is he likes to do.
Don't make his life easier: don't pull your weight around the house. When something comes up, say "we need to..." and expect him to do it.
Expect him to wait on you. In the car, in the bed, at the table.
Don't make him feel desirable: don't initiate sex. don't give him bjs. don't compliment him on his qualities.
Maybe you found the 1 in 100 guy who will stick around for no sex, no housework, no appreciation.
But, most guys (and gals, I assume) will eventually do the math and figure that even with the financial loss of a divorce, they'd be ahead in their own house, run their own way, free to pursue women who are appreciative of the man's qualities.
We're all flawed. Don't expect flawless fidelity if you're not meeting his needs. Maybe you can console yourself that it was 'him' when he's banging Stacy the waitress and then happily going back to his bachelor pad to do whatever it is he likes to do.