Um... you need to ask about and understand her expectations. If she wants three kids and private schools for each, then she better be willing to work for it too. If she wants to be a SAHM and live off of you, then she needs to right size her plans for home, vacation, country clubs, etc., and commit to taking care of the home front (cooking, cleaning, homework, etc). And, every SAHM needs to re-join the work force once the youngest hits middle school. Those who do not are...

Anonymous wrote:Marrying a woman who makes good money comparable to your income is insurance against getting cleaned out in a divorce. I would be very nervous as a man making 500k+ if I married a woman making a teachers salary or wanted to be a SAHM mom. If you are both high earners (or medium/low earners) you don’t have to worry as much about getting stuck with a lifetime of alimony.

$500k; wife makes $175k and her job supplies our health benefits too.

Anonymous wrote:Marrying a woman who makes good money comparable to your income is insurance against getting cleaned out in a divorce. I would be very nervous as a man making 500k+ if I married a woman making a teachers salary or wanted to be a SAHM mom. If you are both high earners (or medium/low earners) you don’t have to worry as much about getting stuck with a lifetime of alimony.

Newsflash: nobody gets a lifetime of alimony anymore. It phases out. Once the kids turn 18, no child support either.

Anonymous wrote:Men answering this should state their income level. My theory is that low earners don’t care because they won’t attract a high earning woman anyway, high earners don’t care because they already make plenty to support a wife/family comfortably. It’s the medium earners whose lifestyles are going to be a lot different marrying another medium earner vs. a low earner who invariably wants to quit when kids come; those are the ones who care.

Karen join the chat folks.

Men answering this should state their income level. My theory is that low earners don’t care because they won’t attract a high earning woman anyway, high earners don’t care because they already make plenty to support a wife/family comfortably. It’s the medium earners whose lifestyles are going to be a lot different marrying another medium earner vs. a low earner who invariably wants to quit when kids come; those are the ones who care.

Marrying a woman who makes good money comparable to your income is insurance against getting cleaned out in a divorce. I would be very nervous as a man making 500k+ if I married a woman making a teachers salary or wanted to be a SAHM mom. If you are both high earners (or medium/low earners) you don’t have to worry as much about getting stuck with a lifetime of alimony.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume for short term, it’s a no (you can correct me if I’m wrong). But what if it’s someone you will eventually marry and have a family with? Does it matter then?

What a sexist post! Of course! This day and age, wife should bring in 1/2 of HHI and DH should do 1/2 of housework! We are done with 1900's OP.

In the real world, you marry someone willing to date you and whom you adore. If she doesn’t bring in 1/2 of HHI, so be it.

Anonymous wrote:I assume for short term, it’s a no (you can correct me if I’m wrong). But what if it’s someone you will eventually marry and have a family with? Does it matter then?

What a sexist post! Of course! This day and age, wife should bring in 1/2 of HHI and DH should do 1/2 of housework! We are done with 1900's OP.

They should care about wife's intelligence the most. It's the biggest indicator of their children's future intelligence.

I’ve already consulted lawyer who told me how much I’m leaving on the table.

His disposable income goes to his two cars and
Huge vacation home he bought in his own name. Obviously I use it but I do tons of work on its upkeep.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread really makes me realize what a jerk I married. He makes 800k but won’t contribute a cent more than I do to any family expenses (I am a teacher so you can imagine).

Um, I'd see a lawyer if I were you.

So where does the rest of his salary go?

Anonymous wrote:This thread really makes me realize what a jerk I married. He makes 800k but won’t contribute a cent more than I do to any family expenses (I am a teacher so you can imagine).

Um, I'd see a lawyer if I were you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The hotter she is, the less I care.

+1 She’s hot, who cares

Lots of people care a lot. I have a casual friend who is absolutely gorgeous and gets noticed everywhere. She spent quite some time trying to find a wealthy husband in NYC. She makes ok money but nothing amazing and no potential to earn more in her chosen career. No family money.

Guess what? Rich NYC guys dated her, sometimes for a year plus, and then married women from their own social class - with money, whether it came from their wall street salary or wealthy family.

She was not enthusiastic in bed.

I wouldn't know anything about that part However, my husband went to a boarding school with guys from many well-off families. I can't think of a single one with a "trophy" wife - all of them married rich girls. Many married girls they met at boarding school or their parents' friends' daughters. The last wedding we went to was of a couple whose families owned next-door vacation homes in a ritzy Florida community. Of course this is all anecdotal. But usually I think money tends to seek out money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The hotter she is, the less I care.

+1 She’s hot, who cares

Lots of people care a lot. I have a casual friend who is absolutely gorgeous and gets noticed everywhere. She spent quite some time trying to find a wealthy husband in NYC. She makes ok money but nothing amazing and no potential to earn more in her chosen career. No family money.

Guess what? Rich NYC guys dated her, sometimes for a year plus, and then married women from their own social class - with money, whether it came from their wall street salary or wealthy family.

She was not enthusiastic in bed.

When I was new to the workforce in my early 20's I didn't care because I wasn't looking for a wife, just a hot girlfriend. After a few years I started to think about my future and intelligence and career ambition became very important but the dollar/salary thing wasn't an issue. How could you not admire a smart woman devoted to helping the lives of special needs children? But some hottie who aspires to being nothing more than a barista at Starbucks is nothing more than a hottie.