Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. Just wanted some perspective. Didn’t identify myself as gf at first because that distracts people from the issue at hand.

I share 50/50 with my ex. Never even considered fighting him on it.

There's no distraction, love. It's none of your business. You aren't getting the whole story from dad. Sure ex could be a psycho, bu if she's fighting him on 50/50 especially when the kids are old enough to give their preferences there's likely a reason.


Do better for yourself. You didn't get divorced to be saddled with another bum.

Important factors in child custody:

1. State
2. County
3. Judge
4. The quality of your lawyer
5. Luck

I would also suggest to OP that if the kids choose the mom over the dad, the dad should walk away and forget he ever had children. It's disowning and disinheriting time.

Anonymous wrote:Dad cheated but there is no AP in the picture. Mom ran up credit cards bills pretty heavily unknown to dad. So neither are wearing the white hat. Dad absolutely wants equal time. There is nothing 'horrific'.

Both of these fall under the definition of ‘horrific’.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the girlfriend.

PP called it.

She needs to stay out of the marriage. There was no AP yet dad has a girlfriend when they are at the beginning stages of divorce planning? Yeah, riiiight

I wish I had had a GF when I was getting divorced. I would have had an excellent female witness of both my good parenting and my ex's poor parenting and anger problems. Plus I could have used the emotional support and sex.

Your girlfriend would not have been allowed to make any statements.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the girlfriend.

PP called it.

She needs to stay out of the marriage. There was no AP yet dad has a girlfriend when they are at the beginning stages of divorce planning? Yeah, riiiight

I wish I had had a GF when I was getting divorced. I would have had an excellent female witness of both my good parenting and my ex's poor parenting and anger problems. Plus I could have used the emotional support and sex.

Thanks all. Just wanted some perspective. Didn’t identify myself as gf at first because that distracts people from the issue at hand.

I share 50/50 with my ex. Never even considered fighting him on it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. He doesn't want it

or

2. He did something horrific

Or

1. Family court is biased against men.

Or

2. She is willing to out spend him in legal fees.

Or

3. The kids, especially the teens, have expressed a preference for mom

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are the girlfriend, no good can come of being with a man cheating on his wife, even if they are separated. If he cheats on her, he'll cheat on you as well. That is the bigger issue. A good decent person waits till after divorce. Mom is mad because he had an affair with you and will hold the kids hostage because of it.

And doesn’t want him around his bad morals and skanks.

Though I really don’t believe OP wasn’t dating him prior to divorce was announced. She is most likely why they are divorcing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleeping arrangements has much to do with being the primary parent. "Primary parent" means the parent that does most of the childcare. Since the mom works at the school and the dad doesn't get home until 6, I imagine she is indeed the primary parent.

Oh, and when there are custody disputes, judges try to disturb the kids' lives as little as possible. If they were to live with the dad they would be without one of their parents until 6PM every night. That could be why.

But sometimes judges are kind of old school and think moms are better caretakers. Only every other weekend seems like not a lot of dad time to me. It's hard to say based on the facts here.

Somebody mentioned an AP. Family courts don't always count affairs against a parent in terms of custody. You can be a bad spouse but a good parent.

Many families with two working parents don't see their kids until 6 PM during the week. Our aftercare is open until 6:30. Pre-covid, I would usually pick up between 6 and 6:15 and there were plenty of kids still there.

I find it hard to believe that would be held against a parent.

It’s not being held against him as a judgment of his parenting. It would just be a factor in how much it would disrupt the kids lives if they were to live with their dad.

What I am saying is that I don't think that constitutes a "disruption" to their lives, at least not to warrant a deviation from 50-50 custody.

That isn’t what you said at all, and too really don’t know how much of a disruption it would be because we don’t know the details of the kids lives. But generally, if there is a parent who is the primary parent (does more of the school/daycare pickups and drop offs, does the driving to extracurriculars, goes to the parent teacher conferences, and generally is caring for the kids for more hours in the day), it can be expected that the kids will continue to spend most of their time with the primary parent.

Time with kids is not a marital asset. Splitting it isn’t a judgment on the parents, it’s a judgment on what will make the divorce easiest for the kids. That’s the idea at least.

In some states, the default is still primary parent and parent with visitation (I live in one of those states and we both had to go to court in agreement that we wanted 50/50). I know some cases where the dad felt too guilty to fight for 50% and/or believed kids should primarily be with mom. I definitely don't think you can assume that a person with less than 50% did something awful or didn't want more time, but I would have questions (if it was my business because I was dating this person).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleeping arrangements has much to do with being the primary parent. "Primary parent" means the parent that does most of the childcare. Since the mom works at the school and the dad doesn't get home until 6, I imagine she is indeed the primary parent.

Oh, and when there are custody disputes, judges try to disturb the kids' lives as little as possible. If they were to live with the dad they would be without one of their parents until 6PM every night. That could be why.

But sometimes judges are kind of old school and think moms are better caretakers. Only every other weekend seems like not a lot of dad time to me. It's hard to say based on the facts here.

Somebody mentioned an AP. Family courts don't always count affairs against a parent in terms of custody. You can be a bad spouse but a good parent.

Many families with two working parents don't see their kids until 6 PM during the week. Our aftercare is open until 6:30. Pre-covid, I would usually pick up between 6 and 6:15 and there were plenty of kids still there.

I find it hard to believe that would be held against a parent.

It’s not being held against him as a judgment of his parenting. It would just be a factor in how much it would disrupt the kids lives if they were to live with their dad.

Divorce is disruptive. Teens aren't spending 3-6 with their parents. They are having a snack, doing their homework, at after school activities or other activities. Parents are not sitting next to them for those hours. Mom could also keep them till Dad gets home as part of the time share.

It’s not about the parent sitting right next to them, it’s about having an adult present in the home to minimize the number of hours the kids are wholly unsupervised. The more unsupervised time a teen has after school, the more likely they are to get into drugs or other risky activity. Having dad pick the kids up from mom in the evening could work for one night during the week, but isn’t really workable mutilple days a wrk because it requires the kids to carry all of their stuff, including sports gear or other equipment for after school activities to school every day to transport between houses.

Of course that would be workable. Somewhat inconvenient is not unworkable. And lots of kids are unsupervised in the afternoon.

It is exceedingly unlikely that you would view such minor inconveniences and changes to the pre-divorce rhythm as justification for the mom to lose 50-50 custody if the genders were reversed, but all other facts were the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleeping arrangements has much to do with being the primary parent. "Primary parent" means the parent that does most of the childcare. Since the mom works at the school and the dad doesn't get home until 6, I imagine she is indeed the primary parent.

Oh, and when there are custody disputes, judges try to disturb the kids' lives as little as possible. If they were to live with the dad they would be without one of their parents until 6PM every night. That could be why.

But sometimes judges are kind of old school and think moms are better caretakers. Only every other weekend seems like not a lot of dad time to me. It's hard to say based on the facts here.

Somebody mentioned an AP. Family courts don't always count affairs against a parent in terms of custody. You can be a bad spouse but a good parent.

Many families with two working parents don't see their kids until 6 PM during the week. Our aftercare is open until 6:30. Pre-covid, I would usually pick up between 6 and 6:15 and there were plenty of kids still there.

I find it hard to believe that would be held against a parent.

It’s not being held against him as a judgment of his parenting. It would just be a factor in how much it would disrupt the kids lives if they were to live with their dad.

What I am saying is that I don't think that constitutes a "disruption" to their lives, at least not to warrant a deviation from 50-50 custody.

OP, if you are the girlfriend, no good can come of being with a man cheating on his wife, even if they are separated. If he cheats on her, he'll cheat on you as well. That is the bigger issue. A good decent person waits till after divorce. Mom is mad because he had an affair with you and will hold the kids hostage because of it.

Anonymous wrote:Right. I didn't say that right off the bat because then people would tell me all the reasons why I am wrong or to mind my own business or whatever.

You do need to MYOB. It would be even better if you do better for yourself in 2021 and remove yourself from this situation. They haven't even decided custody, daddy's still living in the guest house, and he's hot to trot with a girlfriend. LAdy this situation is a damn mess, and I can promise you your boyfriend is telling you the nothing, but the truth, the whole truth so help me god.

Do yourself a favor and GET OUT!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the girlfriend.

PP called it.

She needs to stay out of the marriage. There was no AP yet dad has a girlfriend when they are at the beginning stages of divorce planning? Yeah, riiiight