If they don't go to the same school, I don't see what being in different grades has anything to do with it.

My son has a summer birthday and he has a boy cousin with a December birthday, so they are in different grades. It is so inconsequential what grade they are in. When we get together, they play things that they have in common - video games, Star Wars, etc. The subject of school rarely comes up. And my son is in a traditional school (K-5 elem and 6-8 middle), while their son is in a K-8 charter school, so it's not like they would be starting middle school at the same time anyway. It's seriously not even a little bit of an issue.

They will still be "same age cousins" even if they are in different grades. I have two DCs that are same age (within a month) of each of BIL's kids. The younger set both born in August but we chose to start our DC late. They are 17 now and both doing well in their respective grades. They are also much closer than their older sibs who are same grade cousins. IMHO the college application process was the final straw for the older cousins after years of constant comparison between them by their grandparents.

Typical DCUM being dramatic douches to the OP 🙄

She absolutely shouldn’t hold back. Get a tutor. Next years k class is supposed to be a record size. Who would wish huge class sizes on their kid for 12 years?

It’s not about you.

The kids go to different schools so this matters little. I think your sister doesn't want to compete so is nipping this in the bud. There may be more she didn't share with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You sound petty, judgmental, and competitive. I'm so glad I have a loving, accepting sister who would never dream of comparing and judging our kids.

Not at all! I think her daughter is so bright and I’m actually just shocked they want to have her repeat. From a semi-outsider looking in, I was just surprised. Apologies if my post read differently. I personally just don’t put too much stock in a kindergarten assessment test.

I’m just a bit sad they won’t be in the same grade now (because my daughter loves how close they are in age). Some of you all are ruthless.

You are dreadful.

My oldest has a same-aged cousin and there really aren't shared "milestones" once they become tweens/teens (if not earlier.) They become their own people, and almost inevitably will have different interests & activities. And you can't predict what any of that will look like when they're in K. My son and his cousin are very different but both are great in their own ways. OP, I hope you can learn to appreciate your niece without the need to compare her negatively to your own child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is odd that you guys chose to send your kids to school early. I think it’s reasonable if your sister to decide to send her kid on time instead.

Not early, on time. Sending summer birthday children to a school with an August cut off is ON TIME. You're a weirdo if you think otherwise.

THANK YOU!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I worded all of this terribly, understanding now how it’s coming off. Points have been made and are noted. Thank you.

Good for you, OP. for reflecting on how you came across and your feelings about this. I’m sure your niece will be just fine. Her parents sound like they care and are in touch with what she needs. Just be careful with your language and reaction as I’m sure it’s not an easy decision for them.

OP here... a lot of the comparisons I made were actually my sister’s words, which I neglected to articulate. But rest assured, I love my niece so much and treasure the relationship she and my daughter have. I want the best for them both and am just a bit sad that they will miss out on some milestones together... but some of the thoughtful responses here have helped change my outlook.

Anonymous wrote:I think it is odd that you guys chose to send your kids to school early. I think it’s reasonable if your sister to decide to send her kid on time instead.

Not early, on time. Sending summer birthday children to a school with an August cut off is ON TIME. You're a weirdo if you think otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I worded all of this terribly, understanding now how it’s coming off. Points have been made and are noted. Thank you.

Good for you, OP. for reflecting on how you came across and your feelings about this. I’m sure your niece will be just fine. Her parents sound like they care and are in touch with what she needs. Just be careful with your language and reaction as I’m sure it’s not an easy decision for them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It might actually make their relationship a lot stronger since they won't be in competition with each other or resent the other one getting attention for school related milestones.

Other milestones, things like losing teeth, learning to ride bikes, etc you can still have them do together since they are age related not grade related.

I grew up as a September birthday with an older cousin who has a July birthday. I think it made us closer because it felt like we were taking on the world together without being constantly compared. The year I was a senior and she was a freshman in college was the BEST year for our relationship and we are close to this day.

OP here ... thank you, this makes me happy to hear! Mostly a moot point, but something I neglected to add... My DD is actually the younger one... early June birthday vs a mid/late June birthday. Probably adding to my feelings on this, that she’s younger but will be a grade ahead.

Anonymous wrote:It might actually make their relationship a lot stronger since they won't be in competition with each other or resent the other one getting attention for school related milestones.

Other milestones, things like losing teeth, learning to ride bikes, etc you can still have them do together since they are age related not grade related.

I grew up as a September birthday with an older cousin who has a July birthday. I think it made us closer because it felt like we were taking on the world together without being constantly compared. The year I was a senior and she was a freshman in college was the BEST year for our relationship and we are close to this day.

Anonymous wrote:I think it is odd that you guys chose to send your kids to school early. I think it’s reasonable if your sister to decide to send her kid on time instead.

We sent our kids on time. They both were born before the cutoff.