Anonymous wrote:If a child turned out like Trump with the lying, the narcissism, the grand delusions, the rage. I’d keep as far as I could. He is a loathsome human and I’d be ashamed to be his mother or child.

Give me a break

If a child turned out like Trump with the lying, the narcissism, the grand delusions, the rage. I’d keep as far as I could. He is a loathsome human and I’d be ashamed to be his mother or child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serial killer, rapist, 9-11, a Timothy Mcveigh bombing. Yes I would.

Unless you are as messed up as your offspring - Kyle Rittenhouse.

This is very different. The kid protected himself against an angry mob who were all convicted felons, including one who was sentenced to over 10 years for rapping 5 minor boys.

He drove over state lines to play with his gun and killed two unarmed men.

I don’t think any of us can truly answer this question without living it.

Agree with those who say what does it mean to disown. Also agree that for me it depends on the circumstances. If disown means eliminating access to my money, I’d do that in a heartbeat if my child got into heavy drug use. I’d do the same for a kid who went to prison for life.

But here’s the thing. Even if you believe that you would visit them in prison, for how long would you really keep it up and if you say forever, have you ever visited a prison. And would you do it if you got treated badly during the visits. Or if your child pressured you to bring in contraband. It’s easy in the hypothetical to think you’d support your child no matter what. And those who are claiming undying support probably have never had a child do or experience something really awful. Truth is that the reality is complicated.

I can say for absolute certainty that if my child raped a baby or tortured and killed people or was a Jeffrey Dahmer or a Timothy McVeigh, I’d love the person they once were and I’d likely never see them again.

There’s a terrific book about this by Lionel Schriver, We Need to Talk About Kevin. It’s chilling.

Anonymous wrote:What kind of serious crime?

I would need to distance myself for pedophilia, rape, and similar.

This.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. This is called unconditional love. You don’t approve of what they do but they are always your kids and you are always their mother.

+1. My mom told me she’d love me even if I killed her.

She’s one sick puppy

Jeffrey Dahmer, yes, in a heartbeat. They would no longer be mine.

Depends what you mean by “disown.”

There is nothing my child could do that would cause me not to love them. There is nothing my child could do that would keep me from visiting them in jail.

I would not shield my child from consequences, though, of heinous crimes. I would testify against them. I’d call the police on them. If it was truly heinous. If they were able to escape the law, but I was confident they were guilty, it may greatly impact how I treat them on a practical level. For example, if my child grew up to be a child molester, he would no longer be invited to any family events with children, at my insistence. But I would still probably have a relationship with him. I would also not keep secrets “oh, I’d love to meet your son” “you’re welcome to do that, however, though he wasn’t convicted due to lack of evidence, he is a child molester. That may change how you feel about meeting him, and I completely understand that.”

There are also situations where I would completely remove myself from my child’s life by necessity. A drug addicted child who refuses treatment and has stolen from me, might get a “I am always here and happy to pay for rehab or other health services, but I cannot be in your life until you get better. I’ll always love you no matter what, but you’re not welcome in my home or in my life unless you’re clean” kind of message IF I thought it was best for him.

My priority in these cases is 1) safety of innocent bystanders 2) helping my child 3) my own well being. In that order.

Yes, and my children know this. No unconditional love here, sorry.

Anonymous wrote:Rape, murder, and pedophilia - yes.

I was just thinking about this yesterday, actually. I watched a Casey Anthony documentary. Her father has disowned her; her mother has not. I’m with the dad.

So am I.

Some of you are nuts. I would in a heartbeat ( if it was truly heinous). Probably end up a drunkard b/c I'd wonder what I did wrong.

Most criminals are mentally insane and need medical intervention with or without imprisonment.

I would assume my child was mentally ill. I would try to get them the help they need, in or out of prison.

I genuinely don’t know, and hope to never need make that choice. I too would be devastated and hold myself responsible; wonder if it came from our home life, if I could have prevented it.