Anonymous
Post 12/17/2020 13:50     Subject: Re:Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?
Op here. Thanks to all who responded. I ended up not doing it. If I hadn’t already ordered my Christmas cards, I would have taken the suggestion of adding a few sentences (not a whole letter) to the card, but it was too late for that.

I just received a Christmas letter in the mail this week from a friend and I really loved it. It was long, a full page single spaced. I talk to this friend every week ans there was still so much in there I didn’t know about happening in her life!

I kind of wish this trend would come back because I think they are delightful (or when bad/braggy, absolutely hilarious). This year I only received 2.

Thank you again for all the thoughts and recommendations.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2020 09:28     Subject: Re:Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?
You seem crazy. Giving a mentally ill relative who spreads gossip about you, information about your life is going in the EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION you should be. You need to snuff OUT the fire, by giving the relative LESS oxygen, not more. Give them NO information.


There are more family than this one relative, I think op shouldn't hide their life because of one person. Stand tall and proud op .


Op here. Thank you

To the PP, so much is in the public record anyway. My mom can find tons of information just through google. I’m not going to not live my life because my mother might find out.

Her approach the last few years has been more to pretend I never existed, from what I can gather. The most tenacious rumor spreading/gossip/lies were a bigger thing a more from like 2005-2015. However, a lot of people distances themselves from me as a result and haven’t come back.

It’s easy to say just forget all of them, but these were people I loved and enjoyed. Of course I wish there was a way to see them physically and talk to them but everyone is spread out everywhere and it’s awkward because so much time has passed for me to just call them up. I’m also not going to beg them to have a relationship with me, but I’d like them to know I’m not institutionalized (nor have I ever been), and that I have a family of my own now and we are doing ok.


It's fine to send the card in and of itself, but your family sounds drama-prone and immature, and by sending the card/newsletter with the intent of proving something, you are feeding into it. Just take a hard think about whether you would send it absent this situation. If so, go for it. If not, take a pass.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2020 09:19     Subject: Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?
Anonymous wrote:I love receiving family newsletters with holiday cards.


+1 It's kind of a letdown (& a waste) to get a card with NO info added. It only tells people you are still alive and haven't moved. Handwritten and personal is best, but a mass produced family letter is better than nothing,
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2020 08:25     Subject: Re:Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They are known as brag letters and that will never change. Write a personal letter to someone if you need to communicate something.


This is true. But I freaking LOVE getting them because it always seems the people who still send these are a little off their rockers and they end up being very funny, without trying.


I thought we were past this hipster mentality of "cannot like anything unironically". That seemed like a silver lining to the year 2020.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2020 08:11     Subject: Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?
Anonymous wrote:I'd aim for just a few quick bullet points, not 4 paragraphs or a page.

Pandemic, PhD, moving, your job if you want, kids cute. Done.


This sounds about right. Some of my cousins get fold out photo cards that have a bit of space for family updates in the text.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2020 16:42     Subject: Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?
Op you rock!! Md phds and kids! I want to hear about your life!!
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2020 16:20     Subject: Re:Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They are known as brag letters and that will never change. Write a personal letter to someone if you need to communicate something.


This is true. But I freaking LOVE getting them because it always seems the people who still send these are a little off their rockers and they end up being very funny, without trying.


+1. An acquaintence who sends long letters is a SAHM with a doctor husband. She brags about all of his accomplishments in a way that makes it sound like she is sharing half the credit. She is the type who would refer to herself as CEO of the Household.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2020 15:59     Subject: Re:Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?
Anonymous wrote:People like our letters.


With all due respect, this is actually very difficult to know! And they might like to get your letters while also feeling that they are braggy, or obnoxious, or dull, or ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2020 15:46     Subject: Re:Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?
A couple of paragraphs on the back of a card are fine but most newsletters are full of stuff I don't give a damn about. I really don't care if someone spent a long weekend with a great aunt or went to their high school reunion. Compounding that is the fact that they use very small font to cram as much stupid stuff as possible into one page.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2020 15:14     Subject: Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?
The New Yorkers “Daily Shouts” title today was very applicable to this thread:

WHAT I SPENT MONEY ON TO AVOID SPENDING MONEY ON THERAPY
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2020 12:39     Subject: Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?
I'm team "hate these letters"
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2020 12:39     Subject: Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?
Anonymous wrote:You seem crazy. Giving a mentally ill relative who spreads gossip about you, information about your life is going in the EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION you should be. You need to snuff OUT the fire, by giving the relative LESS oxygen, not more. Give them NO information.


DP here. Mentally ill people (like OP's family) may have ZERO contact with OP, yet still find a way to try to attack OP - it is what mentally ill people do.

I do think OP needs to give it less thought. Don't let them rent space in your head for free, OP.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2020 12:36     Subject: Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?
Anonymous wrote:OP I would not do it because you don't need to prove anything to anyone. They can google you for themselves and see you are a doctor.

My sister is very unhappy person and likes to humiliate me and spread rumors. I learned in therapy all you can do is continue to live your best life and not concern yourself with what others think. Don't try to to convince them otherwise. I have a cousin who is the scapegoat in his family thanks to his crazy mother. He is well educated and highly accomplished and has a loving wife and wonderful children. I never for a second believed a word out of his mother's mouth.


+1

OP, people like that, who spread negativity and rumor, they are not happy people, and they are mentally ill. They often resort to deflection ie: "SHE doesn't like ANY ONE!!......" When in truth, "SHE" is a perfectly chill, normal, content, easy to get along with type person. People know what's really going on, they are not stupid - at least not as stupid as gossipers think they are.

I like the idea of sending a photo card with a short phrase or two on the back. You do you, eff them, seriously. The universe has a way of evening things out.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2020 12:23     Subject: Re:Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?
Anonymous wrote:They are known as brag letters and that will never change. Write a personal letter to someone if you need to communicate something.


This is true. But I freaking LOVE getting them because it always seems the people who still send these are a little off their rockers and they end up being very funny, without trying.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2020 12:04     Subject: Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?
I love receiving family newsletters with holiday cards.