Always give a benefit of the doubt. What expenses does she have? Does she need the money? Does she buy things that are essential and 200 is not enough?
Maybe her family is sick or broke and is asking her for money? In my experience, it was never something flippant. It was always some difficult situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room and board. Their basic living expenses are taken care of.

Screw that. Not worth it. I'd be asking for more money as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

It’s basically indentured servitude. In the past, it was somewhat justified as a cultural exchange (although never really was), but that’s completely impossible during COVID. So I bet this au pair is doing more work than ever. No wonder she wants (and deserves) a raise! Yet this cheap-o think she’s generous because she’s exceeding the program minimum by $5?! I hope she walks and leaves your a$$. A better family will pick her up in a second. Disgusting people.

I don't think you understand how indentured servitude works. They are free to leave at any time.

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a fellow host mom the dynamics have changed a lot and many au pairs - now scarce and in demand - are understandably leveraging the new dynamic.

That said, I think if you can afford to pay her more, do so, make her show you she is stepping it up. I think the PP at 5:55 is spot on, but I would phrase it more positively.

I am not sure how much of the dynamic is there to leverage because their choices are rematch or go home.

Eh, I would be more concerned about the fact that she doesn't interact with your kids. I feel like part of the program is that she is supposed to integrate into your family.

We had three au pairs (love them all) who had significant child care experience prior to coming to the US and genuinely enjoyed children and being with our kids. They all wanted to spend time with the kids, even if they weren't working (no I didn't dump the kids on them afterhours, rather they would come to family events willingly like dinners, outings and vacations because we all enjoyed being together).

We paid them the normal stipend, but I frequently gave cash bonuses, extra days off here and there (for long weekends for travel) and special gifts because they were all so wonderful. And always a good holiday bonus. Full use of car & gas money, cell phone, metro fare, etc.

We went to Europe last year and visited all three of them, and all were supposed to come stay with us this summer. We will see them again when it's safe, and likely they will be in our lives forever.

It's a wonderful program when all of the people involved are committed to it and doing it for the right reasons.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

It’s basically indentured servitude. In the past, it was somewhat justified as a cultural exchange (although never really was), but that’s completely impossible during COVID. So I bet this au pair is doing more work than ever. No wonder she wants (and deserves) a raise! Yet this cheap-o think she’s generous because she’s exceeding the program minimum by $5?! I hope she walks and leaves your a$$. A better family will pick her up in a second. Disgusting people.

Have you had an au pair? If you are a good family these girls have it great. The work they do isn't all that hard, in many cases just dropping off and picking up kids. They spend lots of their weekends with other girls they meet from their home countries. It's a balance when done right, and $195.75 or so a week is plenty for them.

Typical attempt to justify, but it doesn’t work. You are exploiting women from other countries and paying them less than minimum wage to care for your children. It’s even worse during a pandemic. In any other context this would be illegal, if not for this weird loophole that so clearly should be closed. You are cheap, terrible people. All your friends and family think it, trust me.

No one forced them to take the position.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200 a week is all people pay full time au pairs?

Plus room, board, a phone and often a car.

How much did you have left over at the end of the month when all these were paid for when you were 20?

It’s basically indentured servitude. In the past, it was somewhat justified as a cultural exchange (although never really was), but that’s completely impossible during COVID. So I bet this au pair is doing more work than ever. No wonder she wants (and deserves) a raise! Yet this cheap-o think she’s generous because she’s exceeding the program minimum by $5?! I hope she walks and leaves your a$$. A better family will pick her up in a second. Disgusting people.

You’re incorrect and then rude, on top of it.

OP said the au pair rarely plays or interacts with the kids and doesn’t help around the house much.

So, no. It isn’t a case of indentured servitude, and she is not “doing more work that ever.” Maybe it’s a case of an upper middle class au pair demanding money for not doing work in return?

Next time read before commenting!

Thank you! Was going to write that. OP, she sounds like she’s not a good fit. Maybe a raise after 6 months, but for me, they would have to be doing a stellar job to get a raise in three months. Clearly that’s not your situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need some more details:
What is current pay?
How much more is she asking for?
What does she say her reason is for asking for more?

Current pay is $200/week. I think the au pair agency requires a $195/week.

She didn't specify how much more - just that she wanted more. I told her I would think about it. I think she's asking because she thinks we are well off and can afford it.

I was initially confused by this request because she's only been with us for 3 months. She's average at best.

My first thought was that I could use this to leverage getting her to do some things - such as play or interact with the kids (this rarely happens), do their laundry, and keep the kitchen and family room tidy. Right now, none of those things happen.

OMFG the au pair system is so criminal.

No, there are options where the host family can rematch with someone who actually will interact with children and have some motivation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need some more details:
What is current pay?
How much more is she asking for?
What does she say her reason is for asking for more?

Current pay is $200/week. I think the au pair agency requires a $195/week.

She didn't specify how much more - just that she wanted more. I told her I would think about it. I think she's asking because she thinks we are well off and can afford it.

I was initially confused by this request because she's only been with us for 3 months. She's average at best.

My first thought was that I could use this to leverage getting her to do some things - such as play or interact with the kids (this rarely happens), do their laundry, and keep the kitchen and family room tidy. Right now, none of those things happen.

OMFG the au pair system is so criminal.

Anonymous wrote:I would say no and re-match.

If you give her more money, she isn't going to start magically improving. Her asking for more money is just a sign that she wants to get more money for doing not a lot right now. I'm sure her friends are doing the same thing. If you don't pay her, she'll probably do even less or re-match herself. This is a sign that she's not happy, and who wants to deal with an unhappy AP for a year. Good riddance.

I tried saying something like this earlier, but you were much better about it. I agree totally.

Anonymous wrote:Why will no one answer whether they are permitting these girls to travel in the USA right now? Or does no one want to admit the hypocrisy of the new “all work and no play” (and for the same pay!) reality.

I'll bite. Because it seems like an insincere and unhelpful question.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why will no one answer whether they are permitting these girls to travel in the USA right now? Or does no one want to admit the hypocrisy of the new “all work and no play” (and for the same pay!) reality.

Since there aren't really travel restrictions, isn't it impossible to prevent your AP from traveling? They aren't slaves.

That’s my point. So will the au pair families on here please confirm that they are allowing their au pairs to travel, dine out, and do everything else they can, same as before? Or confirm that they have restricted these activities? Because that should definitely impact the compensation aspect.

Ours understands the situation and of course voluntarily isn't doing stupid things. She's meeting friends outside, using our heat lamps, wearing masks, avoiding public transportation, etc. Of course she's free to do whatever she wants, but we talk about this stuff all the time. I would do the same if my adult daughter were home - talk, make smart choices, be flexible and understanding that she is a young person who needs friends etc.

OK, thanks Mom. So Orlando weekend it is then!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why will no one answer whether they are permitting these girls to travel in the USA right now? Or does no one want to admit the hypocrisy of the new “all work and no play” (and for the same pay!) reality.

Since there aren't really travel restrictions, isn't it impossible to prevent your AP from traveling? They aren't slaves.

Mine just came back from seeing some national parks. She then quarantined on her floor (bedroom suite etc,) for 4 days wherein we brought her meals. Then we paid for an overnight PCR test. All of which we're happy to do because we understand that's the point of the program.

That sounds very reasonable. But is everyone doing this? OP, are you doing this?

PP here. I know many host families who are doing or have done similar stuff.

I would say no and re-match.

If you give her more money, she isn't going to start magically improving. Her asking for more money is just a sign that she wants to get more money for doing not a lot right now. I'm sure her friends are doing the same thing. If you don't pay her, she'll probably do even less or re-match herself. This is a sign that she's not happy, and who wants to deal with an unhappy AP for a year. Good riddance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why will no one answer whether they are permitting these girls to travel in the USA right now? Or does no one want to admit the hypocrisy of the new “all work and no play” (and for the same pay!) reality.

Since there aren't really travel restrictions, isn't it impossible to prevent your AP from traveling? They aren't slaves.

That’s my point. So will the au pair families on here please confirm that they are allowing their au pairs to travel, dine out, and do everything else they can, same as before? Or confirm that they have restricted these activities? Because that should definitely impact the compensation aspect.

^^Because without the cultural exchange component, they are really just employees, and should be compensated as such. So, assuming minimum wage, more on the magnitude of $400/week.

You have a point about the lack of cultural aspect but as an employee room, food, phone and car would not be included either. Honestly, the program should be paused .