Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here: I might imagine that some of the other privates are better, but is that actually just my imagination? For instance, the history of GDS is certainly inspiring, but I was surprised to read accounts on their ig page that sound a lot like the ncs dei director’s resignation letter that a pp so helpfully posted. Indeed, both @blackatsidwell and @blackatgds contain deeply troubling posts as well. I couldn't even get through @blackatmaret. More than that, those IG feeds from gds and sidwell stopped adding contributions in August. I don’t know if that’s because issues are getting addressed, because there aren’t other stories to be told, because the schools channeled those voices to less public fora, or something else. I would love to read into that stop date positive things, but that seems a stretch.

Fundamentally, it is just so frustrating not to be able to feel like we really can look at "fit" for all the attributes that make up my dc (intellectually insatiable, relatively sporty, funny, friendly, empathetic, chatty , artistic, competitive, and again, interested in single sex). Is "fit" for the whole child just another luxury children of color dare to dream about? Is the only aspect of "fit" they get to consider which school is sufficiently less racist than another school? I'm being serious with these questions. It feels as if our family can't even consider any number of otherwise excellent schools, whose programs would seem to fit DC very well, because we can't and won't trade DC's psychological well-being--even for a truly top education.

Finally, to a pp who suggested we ask the school for current families to talk to: We have, and we will. However, there's school selection in those referrals. Beyond the school-selected referrals, we don't want to push. We are grateful to any family who wishes to speak, but we also know personally that many families in this situation are tired of always having to take on the burden of discussing these issues. In fact, and maybe I'm dreaming here, but we would like to hear from all types of families in these schools; this should be something everyone is taking on and caring about.

Thank you to those who have engaged with the thread topic, and I hope more people will contribute.

Op, want to engage with this part. I also have children who are biracial - I’m the brown parent - and we are going down the road of elite private schools in the DMV.

In all seriousness, did you not expect that traditionally white institutions of power would work to preserve that power? I went to HYP for both my degrees, and until I went there I really didn’t understand how these institutions preserve the status quo despite their “liberal” cultures. They also serve as entry point into power, which is why they are so coveted - it’s not just the “education” you get.

I assume my DCs will have racist and sexist things said to them by their classmates, teachers, and other people in power. I can’t protect them from it - it’s not a real trade off: mediocre but non-racist educational experience vs. excellent but racist experience — all the experiences will be racist, although some will be worse than others. I’m not sure how you can really judge/compare even if you had better data - some will be personal to your child’s experience: for example, they love math and the teacher supporting the math team is more biased against BIPOC than the theatre instructor.

I chose a lower school for my kids by going through all the school websites to see how much they talked about diversity, scrolled through ALL the faculty photos and literally counted who I thought was BIPOC to see if the school was trying to hire diverse staff, and talked with parents. I wanted a place where the culture of the school was to say the right things. But I know that the highly selective institutions are there to perpetuate power. Frankly, now that I understand that, it’s one of the reasons I want my kids to attend. But the kids and teachers attending those kinds of institutions are not radical - which means you get all the ugliness that goes along with the existing power structures.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. Not everything is because of racism. I suppose that's the problem facing black Americans. They are conditioned to see everything through the prism of racism that they ignore a lot of crap happens to other people too.

I went to an expensive private school. I was unhappy. I thought the faculty and administration didn't care about me. Other students picked on me. Some kids made fun of me. I didn't get invited to parties. I wasn't "cool."

So what? It happens to many kids across all races. I shrugged it off because life is crappy and I got on with my life.

Are you black?

Anonymous wrote:Eh. Not everything is because of racism. I suppose that's the problem facing black Americans. They are conditioned to see everything through the prism of racism that they ignore a lot of crap happens to other people too.

I went to an expensive private school. I was unhappy. I thought the faculty and administration didn't care about me. Other students picked on me. Some kids made fun of me. I didn't get invited to parties. I wasn't "cool."

So what? It happens to many kids across all races. I shrugged it off because life is crappy and I got on with my life.

Anonymous wrote:Eh. Not everything is because of racism. I suppose that's the problem facing black Americans. They are conditioned to see everything through the prism of racism that they ignore a lot of crap happens to other people too.

I went to an expensive private school. I was unhappy. I thought the faculty and administration didn't care about me. Other students picked on me. Some kids made fun of me. I didn't get invited to parties. I wasn't "cool."

So what? It happens to many kids across all races. I shrugged it off because life is crappy and I got on with my life.

Anonymous wrote:Op here: I might imagine that some of the other privates are better, but is that actually just my imagination? For instance, the history of GDS is certainly inspiring, but I was surprised to read accounts on their ig page that sound a lot like the ncs dei director’s resignation letter that a pp so helpfully posted. Indeed, both @blackatsidwell and @blackatgds contain deeply troubling posts as well. I couldn't even get through @blackatmaret. More than that, those IG feeds from gds and sidwell stopped adding contributions in August. I don’t know if that’s because issues are getting addressed, because there aren’t other stories to be told, because the schools channeled those voices to less public fora, or something else. I would love to read into that stop date positive things, but that seems a stretch.

Fundamentally, it is just so frustrating not to be able to feel like we really can look at "fit" for all the attributes that make up my dc (intellectually insatiable, relatively sporty, funny, friendly, empathetic, chatty , artistic, competitive, and again, interested in single sex). Is "fit" for the whole child just another luxury children of color dare to dream about? Is the only aspect of "fit" they get to consider which school is sufficiently less racist than another school? I'm being serious with these questions. It feels as if our family can't even consider any number of otherwise excellent schools, whose programs would seem to fit DC very well, because we can't and won't trade DC's psychological well-being--even for a truly top education.

Finally, to a pp who suggested we ask the school for current families to talk to: We have, and we will. However, there's school selection in those referrals. Beyond the school-selected referrals, we don't want to push. We are grateful to any family who wishes to speak, but we also know personally that many families in this situation are tired of always having to take on the burden of discussing these issues. In fact, and maybe I'm dreaming here, but we would like to hear from all types of families in these schools; this should be something everyone is taking on and caring about.

Thank you to those who have engaged with the thread topic, and I hope more people will contribute.

Anonymous wrote:That’s not racism.

Anonymous wrote:This is what the diversity director who quit mid-year had to say about why she left. Maybe this might help?

https://www.thewellscollective.com/post/forblackwomen

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest reading through all of these: https://www.instagram.com/blackatsidwellfriends/?hl=en

When you're done, ask yourself if you really believe each of these submissions. If you do, I've got a bridge to sell you.

When you create Instagram accounts that let people submit anonymously (meaning, even the Instagram account doesn't know who is submitting it because it's just through a Google doc: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSddU6JM8MCUpWlT-vQ0D82WOgxoA7M-ut7tBMj6NwtuYYkmSw/viewform), you have a recipe for some fact mixed with some fiction. I have no idea what the motives were of the person who started all these accounts, but they've done nothing except marginalize people with real stories, who are lumped in with the fiction writers having some fun.

Having read this board for years, it's clear that there are people who take perverse enjoyment trolling on DCUM. What makes anyone think they don't do the same thing on these Google doc submissions?

The person running these accounts is irresponsible for making them look authentic when they're even less verified than what's posted on DCUM (which at least has Jeff able to see URLs to police trolling at some level).

NP. The person running these accounts? It’s not one person. It is alums or current students. Sorry to disappoint you but some of the STA stories are true and were known at the time they happened like the holocaust photos incident as well as the racist incidents in the class of 2024 as those came up in the spring. Some were surprising and shocking and sad but I do not have the right to say they are not true especially when other posters commented agreeing they happened with their names attached to comments. I can’t imagine they would lie.

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest reading through all of these: https://www.instagram.com/blackatsidwellfriends/?hl=en

When you're done, ask yourself if you really believe each of these submissions. If you do, I've got a bridge to sell you.

When you create Instagram accounts that let people submit anonymously (meaning, even the Instagram account doesn't know who is submitting it because it's just through a Google doc: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSddU6JM8MCUpWlT-vQ0D82WOgxoA7M-ut7tBMj6NwtuYYkmSw/viewform), you have a recipe for some fact mixed with some fiction. I have no idea what the motives were of the person who started all these accounts, but they've done nothing except marginalize people with real stories, who are lumped in with the fiction writers having some fun.

Having read this board for years, it's clear that there are people who take perverse enjoyment trolling on DCUM. What makes anyone think they don't do the same thing on these Google doc submissions?

The person running these accounts is irresponsible for making them look authentic when they're even less verified than what's posted on DCUM (which at least has Jeff able to see URLs to police trolling at some level).

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a Latina student at NCS (a pretty small group, so I'm not going to get too specific). Her experience doesn't match those described in the Instagram accounts. I note that the same accounts exist for schools like SFS, GDS and Maret, all local publics. In reading through them all, I have (and she has, based on her own experiences) a tough time believing that all of the contributions are authentic and/or objective, though there is probably a grain of truth in at least some of them (as there probably is for all the local schools). The fact that anonymous contributions are accepted and posted makes it tough to tell what's real and what's trolling.

With respect to the commentary by the recently departed D&I director, it's puzzling that she came to all these conclusions during a 4 month period when everyone was remote (and during this time, my daughter had no exposure to her at all). Her commentary says "I knew that the Black power fist tattoo on my back could be shown under no circumstances." That seems pretty absurd based on what my daughter shows me on her group texts, as her and her group of friends are about as militantly pro-BLM as you'll find. Same with the faculty and administration, and the Cathedral staff/clergy. From what I have seen, the political culture at NCS, among the students and faculty at least, is very progressive, at least among a pretty large segment of the students.

The prior D&I director, who was excellent, left at the end of last year to take a HoS job. Her diversity day programs were excellent, and my daughter loved them. Separately, Rodney Glasgow (who was then MS head at St. Andrews, and is now HoS at SSFS) came to do a presentation either last year or the prior year, and my daughter couldn't stop raving about his discussion of the intersection of race and sexual orientation. Similarly, the Director of Admissions is very committed to these issues, and walks the walk. If you don't believe me, go find out for yourself.

At the parent level, I do find the culture fairly privileged, though I like the vast majority of parents. As a family with less money than a lot of other Close families, I do sometimes feel that there's an unconscious thoughtlessness about how we might, for example, not make small talk over the lavish vacations we'll be taking once Covid is over. However, the administration is very conscious about this, and bends over backwards to try to make sure students feel an environment based on equity.

Back to the recently departed D&I head... I wonder if her 2 years at her prior school, mixed with all the trauma of this past spring/summer, just soured her on doing this type of job. Too bad, because Toni Morrison is also one of my favorite authors, and I'd have loved to see what types of programs she might have put in place if she hadn't quit.

Anonymous wrote:STA, NCS and BVR are racist institutions. They use confidentiality agreements to keep issues under wraps. The administration and church is more interested in protecting the brand and not the kids. I ask you to speak to parents who have left. Ask around and people will connect you.