I had a friend who wanted to get married to a man but she had student loans. They met in their mid 20s. He made her pay off those loans before he considered proposing. She was into her 30s before those loans were paid off. They are married now. I'm sure he loved her but he is just a prudent guy. Shes a stay at home mom now with their kids so I suppose it worked out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

My pay does cover half the rent, but it doesn't leave a lot for utilities and groceries
He eats more than me, I get food at work as I am in food service.
So perhaps splitting groceries in half makes no sense

He also takes longer showers
Now he is coming to Thanksgiving at my parents and not contributing to the cost of the meal

What? You sound like you are 15 or something. Your BF likely has financial goals and picking up bills that you should be splitting will not allow him to reach those goals. Your examples are ridiculous. The fact that you think he should somehow pay his way for coming to your family’s for Thanksgiving is the height of tackiness. You’re reaching.

+1 Do your parents normally expect their Thanksgiving guests to pay for dinner?

I would never accept money from an invited dinner guest. Really tacky and gross, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this kill relationships before. My cousin started her own cleaning business a year before the pandemic. Since she lost customers, she is very cash-strapped. Her long time BF always earned less. She was paying 60% of the bills and he was pay 40% for Then, he was unemployed due to his employers losing customers during COVID SAH. He found a new job but it pays much less with no tips. He felt she should pay 80% of the bills since that’s the split in their income. She refused and he moved out. I guess he through she would be screwed over by having to pay 100% of the bills, but she got a roommate within two weeks who pays 50% of the bills. Her exBF is sleeping on a relative’s sofa.

That is quite ironic
Her love ended when his income dropped. Isn't that a gold digger

Did you miss the part where she’s always outearned him?

Gold digger who got caught.

Anonymous wrote:1) do not become financially dependent on a man, esp if you do not have the protection of marriage

2) do not move in with boyfriends, only a fiance.

This.

1) do not become financially dependent on a man, esp if you do not have the protection of marriage

2) do not move in with boyfriends, only a fiance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

My pay does cover half the rent, but it doesn't leave a lot for utilities and groceries
He eats more than me, I get food at work as I am in food service.
So perhaps splitting groceries in half makes no sense

He also takes longer showers
Now he is coming to Thanksgiving at my parents and not contributing to the cost of the meal

Grow up. You need to move to a cheaper apartment, either with the boyfriend or without him. It is completely reasonable for him to not want to renew the lease on a place that is too expensive for current circumstances.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

My pay does cover half the rent, but it doesn't leave a lot for utilities and groceries
He eats more than me, I get food at work as I am in food service.
So perhaps splitting groceries in half makes no sense

He also takes longer showers
Now he is coming to Thanksgiving at my parents and not contributing to the cost of the meal

What? You sound like you are 15 or something. Your BF likely has financial goals and picking up bills that you should be splitting will not allow him to reach those goals. Your examples are ridiculous. The fact that you think he should somehow pay his way for coming to your family’s for Thanksgiving is the height of tackiness. You’re reaching.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you play house before figuring out your sh-t. Sorry, OP. Sounds like you guys have more of a roommate situation set up so you need to be able to pay your way.

This, spouses help pick up the financial slack for things like schooling not boyfriend/girlfriends

if they had a choice, they wouldn't.

Op you need to be able to pay your way. You can't pay for utilities and bills at the moment but are thinking of going back to study which will cost you more. You are expecting him to pay your way and he can see where this is headed.

He is smart for not renewing the lease. The only part of him leaving that has you worried, is that you can't pay the rent without him. You need a room-mate but then a room-mate will demand you pay your share of the utilities. You are using this guy, it's a red flag and he should run.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this kill relationships before. My cousin started her own cleaning business a year before the pandemic. Since she lost customers, she is very cash-strapped. Her long time BF always earned less. She was paying 60% of the bills and he was pay 40% for Then, he was unemployed due to his employers losing customers during COVID SAH. He found a new job but it pays much less with no tips. He felt she should pay 80% of the bills since that’s the split in their income. She refused and he moved out. I guess he through she would be screwed over by having to pay 100% of the bills, but she got a roommate within two weeks who pays 50% of the bills. Her exBF is sleeping on a relative’s sofa.

That is quite ironic
Her love ended when his income dropped. Isn't that a gold digger

Not sure you know what a good digger is. But your comment is inflammatory so good job!

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this kill relationships before. My cousin started her own cleaning business a year before the pandemic. Since she lost customers, she is very cash-strapped. Her long time BF always earned less. She was paying 60% of the bills and he was pay 40% for Then, he was unemployed due to his employers losing customers during COVID SAH. He found a new job but it pays much less with no tips. He felt she should pay 80% of the bills since that’s the split in their income. She refused and he moved out. I guess he through she would be screwed over by having to pay 100% of the bills, but she got a roommate within two weeks who pays 50% of the bills. Her exBF is sleeping on a relative’s sofa.

That is quite ironic
Her love ended when his income dropped. Isn't that a gold digger

I’ve seen this kill relationships before. My cousin started her own cleaning business a year before the pandemic. Since she lost customers, she is very cash-strapped. Her long time BF always earned less. She was paying 60% of the bills and he was pay 40% for Then, he was unemployed due to his employers losing customers during COVID SAH. He found a new job but it pays much less with no tips. He felt she should pay 80% of the bills since that’s the split in their income. She refused and he moved out. I guess he through she would be screwed over by having to pay 100% of the bills, but she got a roommate within two weeks who pays 50% of the bills. Her exBF is sleeping on a relative’s sofa.

Are you the same poster who was mad that her BF wouldn't add you to his car insurance/figure out insurance for you?l

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, we are both on the lease, I cannot afford this on my own.
Money was ok when we moved in, I had savings
Then covid hit and initially I got some more pay. I couldn't take the stress and went back to my old job that paid less, but had a promise of advancement. This hasn't materialized. I want to go back to school and study part time, which means not much change financially for the duration.
He is very irritated that I do not pay my way. I want to, but my pay just doesn't go far enough.
Now he is talking about not renewing the lease.

Here is the issue. If you lived with roommates, you would not have quit your stressful job for a lower paying job and expected your roommates to pick up the slack. You would have either stayed at the stressful job, found a higher paying new job, or looked into downsizing to a more affordable option because you felt the trade off would have been worth it. If you were married to your boyfriend, you could have ended up quitting the stressful job BUT you would have needed to discuss it, see if financially if that made sense for the both of you, should you stay longer until you’ve saved x more, could you downsize to balance out the difference in salary, should you look for a different job first versus going back to old job, what could you jointly cut back to make it happen if you went back to the old job etc. So to live the same lifestyle with no sacrifices as you change your job/what you go after while expecting your boyfriend to pick up the financial slack without it operating as if you were married and need to both agree ...that’s a problem.