Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always think it sounds very awkward when people talk about their "partner." I immediately jump to - why aren't you being clear if it's a male or female? Are you trying to hide something?

I think it has become a lot more common over the last decade, but I don't like it.

I used i when I got engaged to my DH in 1993. It wasn’t new then. It has been around a while.

You used this word as a substitute for fiance in 1993? I doubt that.

Anonymous wrote:I always think it sounds very awkward when people talk about their "partner." I immediately jump to - why aren't you being clear if it's a male or female? Are you trying to hide something?

I think it has become a lot more common over the last decade, but I don't like it.

I used i when I got engaged to my DH in 1993. It wasn’t new then. It has been around a while.

An Atlantic article that discusses the 14th century origin of the term partner to refer to husband and wife, among other things:
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/06/so-long-partner/361623/

It's a term insecure women use when they can't use husband. Also, gay people use it.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t love boyfriend or partner honestly. I’m 47 and refer to my significant other as my boyfriend because I like that slightly better than partner. My brother has a “life partner”, a woman he’s been with for years but he has no intention of ever getting married again. Life partner sounds like a same sex arrangement to me. There is no perfect term.

Agreed. Also partner could mean your married or not, could mean your bridge partner, your tennis partner, etc. It always sounds very cold to me. Like the couple doesn’t like each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s also gender neutral.

+1 It's just a more inclusive term, period, and easier to say than significant other. Is it really such an imposition to use inclusive language?

It's useful if you're talking to someone you don't know well and you don't want to make assumptions about their gender or sexuality, but why do you need to use inclusive language when referring to yourself? Do you not want others to know you are married or not? Do you not want others to know your gender or the gender of your significant other? All it says is that you're a human in some kind of relationship with another human, and the specifics of that relationship are something you're not willing to make public. It's vague and non-specific, which will leave many people assuming you are not as committed or important to one another as you might like others to think.

Yes to this. I use partner in professional settings or if I’m talking to people i don’t really know (and while I’m not in the habit of asking about people’s relationships randomly, if I did I would use partner because it is most inclusive). But among friends and family I use husband. I do have some non-binary friends and they use partner. My gay friends mostly do too, I think. Interestingly, both of the lesbian couples we know well use wife, though I’ve met lesbians who use partner.

The point is that you get to decide which words you use for yourself, and none of these words are “bad” in that context. It’s good to be inclusive but we don’t have to erase gender from our vocabulary. We just have to learn to be less binary and rigid in how we apply it, and allow for self determination.

Anonymous wrote:Partner to me implies a serious relationship. When I hear "partner", I think mortgage together, kids together -- longtime co-mingling of assets of all kinds. And I've been hearing this for decades. I also lived in NYC, and it was very common to hear the term used in the gay communities. Personally, I stopped saying "boyfriend" when I stopped going out with boys. Most of the actual adults that I know say "friend" -- and we all know what that means.

That's what I used to think too. But while some people use it to refer to someone they've been married to or living with for decades, others use it to refer to someone they started dating last month and whom they hopefully don't live with. Apparently there is a whole range of relationships it can represent, which doesn't make it the most useful term if you want to convey your relationship status as established and committed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s also gender neutral.

+1 It's just a more inclusive term, period, and easier to say than significant other. Is it really such an imposition to use inclusive language?

It's useful if you're talking to someone you don't know well and you don't want to make assumptions about their gender or sexuality, but why do you need to use inclusive language when referring to yourself? Do you not want others to know you are married or not? Do you not want others to know your gender or the gender of your significant other? All it says is that you're a human in some kind of relationship with another human, and the specifics of that relationship are something you're not willing to make public. It's vague and non-specific, which will leave many people assuming you are not as committed or important to one another as you might like others to think.

Partner to me implies a serious relationship. When I hear "partner", I think mortgage together, kids together -- longtime co-mingling of assets of all kinds. And I've been hearing this for decades. I also lived in NYC, and it was very common to hear the term used in the gay communities. Personally, I stopped saying "boyfriend" when I stopped going out with boys. Most of the actual adults that I know say "friend" -- and we all know what that means.

I live in an area where it's a very common term. I like it. It's more inclusive - also less work than keeping track of who is dating, married, engaged etc. I really don't care about that kind of stuff. Much easier for me to say Larla's partner.

I think the term originated at a time when same-sex marriage was not legal yet & people felt uncomfortable referring to someone as a boyfriend or girlfriend if they were gay.

So the use of the term “partner” solved that issue.

I don’t love boyfriend or partner honestly. I’m 47 and refer to my significant other as my boyfriend because I like that slightly better than partner. My brother has a “life partner”, a woman he’s been with for years but he has no intention of ever getting married again. Life partner sounds like a same sex arrangement to me. There is no perfect term.

You are all SO weird. My husband is my husband but he’s also my life partner. What is so annoying about that?

Anonymous wrote:It’s also gender neutral.

+1 It's just a more inclusive term, period, and easier to say than significant other. Is it really such an imposition to use inclusive language?

We use it bc we are in a long term relationship with no need for marriage. My kid refers to him as her “otherdad.” He treats her and calls her his daughter. We are a family without a legal contract. We are each other’ beneficiaries and my will says I would like him to raise her if I die (even though I know that has no legal weight in Virginia). We are life partners. But we also went through messy expensive divorces and we are realists. He is in no way in the “boyfriend” category.