Anonymous
Post 10/30/2020 16:04     Subject: My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the advice everyone. To answer a few questions we don't live together but we are looking for a house. We ( mostly me/ haven't found anything. He says that he wants children and asked if we could start trying earlier this year. I put it off. I really want children but I want to be married first. I'm not religious but it's important to me.

I'm going to sit down with him this week to talk.


Oh my God. Do not buy a house with him until you are engaged with a rock on your finger and a wedding date set. Do not have kids with him until you are married. Stop looking for a house. You are putting the cart before the horse


You are insane.

You want her to marry a guy that she doesn’t trust to buy a house with.

“Rock” you sound horrible

Don’t listen to this insane old bitty.


Dp here. I don’t understand why anyone would buy a house with someone without being married first. You don’t have to have an extravagant wedding, maybe just city hall but the order is all out of whack if you buy the house before engagement.


If you are in a loving committed relationship the ring does not make it more loving and committed. Either you trust the person you are marrying or you don't.

Why city hall, if you have the money for a house now... buy it and have the wedding next year, if you want.

It's a waste of money to rent.

Your ridiculous rules make no sense.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2020 16:02     Subject: My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:No. Men like to chase


And beta indecisive boys don’t do anything.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2020 15:56     Subject: My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Generally it’s a bad idea. How long have you been dating? How old are you guys?


4 years, mid thirties


Have you talked about marriage?


Yes he would make comments about me being a " larla smith" one day. I think he's just slow about it. We talked about doing it once he got his business of the ground. He's done that and he's been in the black for 2 yrs.


And what did you say when he said that?
And how recent was it?
I don't remember what I said. I did once joke about our marriage in 10 yrs to some friends and he was visibly mad. Excused himself from the table mad. He's said something as recently as this summer.

He was mad at you?


Mad at my comment. We talked about it later he said it upsets him when I say things like that. He says he loves me and we will get married and then he went on complaining about how swamped he is at work. For the last 2 years he has been pulling 80+ hour weeks.


RUN.

He can’t handle jack about the truth or emotions. Work addicts suk every way you cut it, unless there are millions in the bank and you have a lot of local friends and family for actual relationships.
Is he on the spectrum?? Then double run.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2020 15:52     Subject: My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Generally it’s a bad idea. How long have you been dating? How old are you guys?


4 years, mid thirties


Have you talked about marriage?


Yes he would make comments about me being a " larla smith" one day. I think he's just slow about it. We talked about doing it once he got his business of the ground. He's done that and he's been in the black for 2 yrs.


And what did you say when he said that?
And how recent was it?
I don't remember what I said. I did once joke about our marriage in 10 yrs to some friends and he was visibly mad. Excused himself from the table mad. He's said something as recently as this summer.

He was mad at you?


Mad at my comment. We talked about it later he said it upsets him when I say things like that. He says he loves me and we will get married and then he went on complaining about how swamped he is at work. For the last 2 years he has been pulling 80+ hour weeks.



RUN

He can’t handle jack about the truth or emotions. Is he on the spectrum?? Then double run.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2020 15:51     Subject: My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:I would break up with him, not propose to him. Explain during the breakup talk you love him and want to get married but he hasn’t taking any initiative so you need to move on.

Either he will let you go without a fight and you move on with your life- or he decides it is time to propose.

Do not propose to him under any circumstance.


+1

This is tip of iceberg on the frustration of living with someone indecisive or stabbing in the dark what people want to hear or do.

Hard pass.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2020 15:49     Subject: My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:Has anyone btdt?
One of my closest friends thinks because he is traditional he will feel emasculated. Another friend says it's a terrible idea. I have only told the two of them and it didn't go well.


If he doesn’t grow up and propose to you, or say I Love you, or show the ability to have real conversations on important decisions: dump him now.

Not having the wherewithal to propose within a decent tome frame given ages, dating, having had good conversations on life together means this is a ManChild.

Move on and rejoice.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2020 15:30     Subject: Re:My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend
Don't do it. My friend did it and it didn't end well. She bought a ring and everything. Several friends tried to talk her out of it but she wouldn't listen. Now she's in her 50's and alone.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2020 15:25     Subject: My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend
If you are female, no. Do not do this!!!
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2020 15:24     Subject: My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the advice everyone. To answer a few questions we don't live together but we are looking for a house. We ( mostly me/ haven't found anything. He says that he wants children and asked if we could start trying earlier this year. I put it off. I really want children but I want to be married first. I'm not religious but it's important to me.

I'm going to sit down with him this week to talk.


Oh my God. Do not buy a house with him until you are engaged with a rock on your finger and a wedding date set. Do not have kids with him until you are married. Stop looking for a house. You are putting the cart before the horse


You are insane.

You want her to marry a guy that she doesn’t trust to buy a house with.

“Rock” you sound horrible

Don’t listen to this insane old bitty.


Dp here. I don’t understand why anyone would buy a house with someone without being married first. You don’t have to have an extravagant wedding, maybe just city hall but the order is all out of whack if you buy the house before engagement.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2020 14:23     Subject: My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend
I would break up with him, not propose to him. Explain during the breakup talk you love him and want to get married but he hasn’t taking any initiative so you need to move on.

Either he will let you go without a fight and you move on with your life- or he decides it is time to propose.

Do not propose to him under any circumstance.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2020 14:07     Subject: My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the advice everyone. To answer a few questions we don't live together but we are looking for a house. We ( mostly me/ haven't found anything. He says that he wants children and asked if we could start trying earlier this year. I put it off. I really want children but I want to be married first. I'm not religious but it's important to me.

I'm going to sit down with him this week to talk.


Oh my God. Do not buy a house with him until you are engaged with a rock on your finger and a wedding date set. Do not have kids with him until you are married. Stop looking for a house. You are putting the cart before the horse


You are insane.

You want her to marry a guy that she doesn’t trust to buy a house with.

“Rock” you sound horrible

Don’t listen to this insane old bitty.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2020 14:00     Subject: Re:My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was sort of in your situation.

We dated 6 years and bought a house together before getting married.

The only difference was that I was the one that wanted to wait.

People said all the ignorant stuff you are hearing on this thread... he doesn't really want to marry you, why are you hanging on if he isn't making any moves, blah blah blah.

Anyway, what I don't understand is that we always talked about marriage... what, when, how... we just knew that there were some things in our life that we wanted to work out before we actually got married.

You are looking for a house, that is a commitment, he is committed.

Just say, "hey i've been thinking about with COVID, your job, etc when do you think is a good time to get married"

IN a year, 2 years, big wedding, small, spring/summer/fall.

I was never in a situation where I thought "I wonder if he will marry me" ... we were committed, we were working towards marriage, house, kids... there was not some watershed moment with a ring that pulled it all together.

It seems very unhealthy to me (not you everybody else on this thread) that you need a ring to know a man is committed to you.


Easy for you to make all kind of comments when you were the one delaying things. Of course you never thought he wasn’t committed to you because he was ready to commit. OP’s situation is the opposite and she wants marriage before kids. Your story only confirms what we’ve been all saying.


So my H should have been all worried?

They are buying a house together! You guys sound so moronic.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2020 11:15     Subject: My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the advice everyone. To answer a few questions we don't live together but we are looking for a house. We ( mostly me/ haven't found anything. He says that he wants children and asked if we could start trying earlier this year. I put it off. I really want children but I want to be married first. I'm not religious but it's important to me.

I'm going to sit down with him this week to talk.


Oh my God. Do not buy a house with him until you are engaged with a rock on your finger and a wedding date set. Do not have kids with him until you are married. Stop looking for a house. You are putting the cart before the horse
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2020 11:13     Subject: My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:Listen to them

Don't steal a moment he's been waiting for

I would be very disappointed if a girlfriend did this..


Ugh he's had FOUR YEARS. And this moment may not even be coming anytime soon.

It's sh*t of get off the pot time. If you bringing up a timeline to get married scares him off, this a-hole isn't the one for you.

Guys are such flowers sometimes.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2020 11:10     Subject: My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend
I don't think you need to wait.

But I do think saying "hey, I'd like to start planning our marriage and beyond, what are your thoughts on that?" is a normal thing to say.

I don't think women have to sit around and fret wondering if this man will ever propose. I also don't think I'd get down on one knee and propose to him. But I would get some frank answers from him. Is this what you're thinking or not. Because if not, I gotta get back out there to find someone who deserves me.