Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was 24 my mom contacted my advisor, who then emailed me. It was 1990, and I was out of the country doing research. I had email access, but did not have a phone. I was in a Asia 12 hours out of sync with home timezone.

Calling home was not trivial: I had to go to the post office, and wait for a phone. My thinking was to delay the call from Sunday to Tuesday because Tuesday was my Parents 30th anniversary. Only, I had no way to communicate that to my parents. So, when I did not call on SUN, they panicked. On Mon, they called my advisor, who emailed me. I called them as soon as I could; woke them up.

OP here- this is very similar to why my parents contacted the professor. I was doing research in a foreign country. My parents, who had never traveled out of the US, did not reach out to me about their concerns because they saw me as a child and the professor as the adult. They were worried about their 20 year old daughter being in a foreign country and thought I was being disobedient by going. I had my own funding and just thought I was being an adult.

No one talked about waiving FERPA rights back then. I'm so grateful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Faculty here. Yes, again. Parents accompany prospective students on campus visits and speak for them when they interact with faculty, parents call and email me about their student's performance in my classes and in my program generally. It's all more out of worry--parenting from fear--but as a PP indicates, this kind of contact also gets in the way of students learning how to make their way through the kinds of adult structures they will see throughout their lives.

To the PP who thinks that colleges are "businesses" that withhold from their customers: as far as I know, there's not a college out there that treats an offer of admission as an absolute guarantee that students will get into every single course or program that they want. Departments have budgets, and limitations on the numbers of seats they can offer in their courses. We all work really hard to match supply to demand, but there are constraints--just as in any business.

I get your point, but I don’t know of any other business that charges and can’t promise to deliver. I’d argue that any business that can’t needs to seriously consider making the changes required in order to do so. Respectfully, ‘we really try’ isn’t good enough, least of all when that kid can’t graduate in fours years as a result. At a minimum the school should not charge that kid another cent for its own inability to efficiently provide its product.

Did you go to college? That is not how it works.

Sorry your reading comprehension is poor. I know how it works, which is to say badly (at some schools - many do not operate this way). My point is that it shouldn’t. You caught up yet?

Can’t reason with people like you, hyper reactive and lacking in logic. Fortunately my college would tell such a parent her child is welcome to transfer if she is unhappy with the “services” provided. And would think hope she enjoys having that child living her basement forever if unable to function in a real-world environment as reasonable and supportive as college.

Anonymous wrote:
I have worked at two large-ish public universities.

Pre-pandemic I very rarely heard from parents. Usually, if I did, it was a really tragic situation (student in a serious mental health crisis or multiple family deaths). I could never talk to the parents unless the student gave me permission. However, parents contacting me wasn't common and I always felt the parent's reason for reaching out was justified.

Starting in about April, I have heard from more parents than I know what to do with. They disagree with a grade I gave, they think I need to post more videos, they don't think I'm doing enough for their kid, etc. They call administrators too. The pandemic has been a total S-show.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Senior administrator at a large, top ranked research university here,

Oh my yes. The over-involvement of parents is actually very concerning. It’s disturbing. I fear students graduate without any opportunity for academic struggle (the healthy kind), any self reflection on what they’re passionate about career wise (not their parents), and little to no examples of the power of their own initiative and effort. I’ve actually seen this very recently in an amazingly bright young student and it saddens me, honestly.

You wouldn’t believe the parent stories from the administration building. Contacting top admins about class formats and schedules, angry and basically wanting to speak to a ‘manager’ bout why their student can’t get into a major, why we don’t offer a pathway that the parent is seeking, and we see them on fb all encouraging one another to get their kids to waive ferpa so helicopters can get into grades, when assignments are due, when advising appointments are, etc.

(And let me be clear. We are completely here to receive to be alerted by anything egregious to ensure the health and wellness of our students and of course there are so many important reasons why the university has a accommodation processes and related care pathways for students. I’m not talking about that. 90% of the parental involvement with administration has nothing to do with any of these important matters. )

To the helicopter parents, treating your college students like 4th graders, you are robbing your children of a great, self-discovering and enlightening college experience that they should cherish for all of its benefits. Plus they’re in a supportive environment. They won’t get that again. You’re paying for that experience, right? Alternatively other students they interact with are taking on debt for that. Stop ruining it for your kid and others. I won’t even get into the knots that our advisers and faculty stomachs get twisted into based on completely unnecessary parental intervention for undergraduate students.

Parents love their kids. I’m a parent too! Focus on helping your child get ready to take greatest advantage of the college experience and yes hold us accountable for offering a top ranked, top notch academic environment. But back off your kids. They’re our future. Let them grow.

Yikes! The only thing I’d quibble with is that a school should accommodate reasonable efforts to get into needed classes. That part is ridiculous. You can’t brag about all the majors and programs you offer and then not provide reasonable access to the required classes. Colleges are businesses and they take the money and sometimes say “sorry, you can’t have what you just bought”.

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Another prof here. I can certainly see how that would be frustrating but normally there are multiple pathways and alternatives in these cases. There is no guarantee a student will get into their first choice class every time but of course a good advisor will help chart a path enabling completion of all requirements.

+1

It's not an ice cream cone. It's college, people.