Anonymous wrote:FYI your nephew absolutely has a diagnosis if he’s been working with a therapist because that’s how it works. Insurance doesn’t pay without a diagnosis. So YOU just don’t know the diagnosis. You need to butt out.

What? I paid out of pocket to see a therapist and I definitely don't have a diagnosis. Also, for all of those who are telling OP to butt out, do you mean just distance from family? This isn't a neighbor or a classmate. It's family. Family who wants to have the kids together.

We have a somewhat similar dynamic in my extended family, though kids are closer in age. My kids know that cousin Janie can have a hard time behaving appropriately sometimes, and we’ve had discussions about how it can feel unfair when Janie seemingly gets rewarded for behavior that they’d get in trouble for (and how that behavior still isn’t okay For them!). We talk also about how on the flip side, it would be hard to deal with the big feelings Janie deals with. They get it, and at this point (kids are teens/tweens now) we no longer even discuss it much - it just is what it is. That said, I make sure my kids have an escape when it gets to be too much.

FYI your nephew absolutely has a diagnosis if he’s been working with a therapist because that’s how it works. Insurance doesn’t pay without a diagnosis. So YOU just don’t know the diagnosis. You need to butt out.

Are the kids always around when you are with your sibling & sibling's spouse? Would some time spent with just you and your sibling (or with spouses as well) be helpful?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have an 11 year old boy. He is at a very different place in his childhood than your kid is. Honestly, kids at this "middle school" age regularly say rude things to each other and to younger children. They are testing out social dynamics and a lot of this playground talk is way different than what a 5 yo would say.

I would not really encourage them to play together. It's just too different in age. I am frankly surprised your nephew will play with your child at all. My 11 yo has no interest in 5 year olds at all. He isn't mean to them, he just ignores them completely. He'd rather go read or find someone to play video games with.

I have a middle schooler. If anything is even remotely rude we correct it. Parenting doesn't stop at middle school.

PP here....Of course, I do too when I am there, but this is stuff I am told about after school (ours are in a super-squishy Montessori private and are in person).

My son is SO sweet to little kids, but there is a fair amount of middle school talk I hear about among peers. Sounds like the SN 11 yo doesn’t get the difference or understand he is hurting the 5 yo. Again, I just wouldn't suggest putting them together often.