Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just got my kids back from a visit with their dad. The pushy gf took it upon herself to buy my 3rd grader her first bra. I am so upset - why would she think taking this milestone from me with my own daughter would be ok?

What third grader even needs a bra? I’d toss it out and tell DD why.

Anonymous wrote:Stop blamimg GF . Your ex have her permission so take it up with him. You and your lawyer should have covered this in divorce agreement.

+1

Anonymous wrote:You are divorced. You no longer control your ex, even as it pertains to your kids. It’s one of the downsides of divorce. Agree with PP that you should speak with a therapist to work through learning to not let these things bother you so much.

People who write things like this seem not to grasp that divorce isn’t the reason we “no longer control our ex.” They could not be “controlled” (lol)/respectful in marriage either which is why they are now divorced aka someone else’s problem. This PP sounds like she’s a second wife, and a nasty one at that.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I understand that ex gave his gf "permission" to do these things, and I took up these issues with him.

I just don't understand why another woman and mother would step on my toes in this manner. I would not take the gf's daughter bra shopping, or some other kind of milestone thing (theoretical example: let's say I took her young daughter to pick an outfit for her first day of kindergarten). I just would not insert myself that way without talking to the kid's mother first, and making sure it was okay. "Hi, Susie, I noticed that Larla may need to start wearing a bra. Is it ok for me to take her shopping, or would you prefer to do that with her?" My whole feeling would have been different if she had approached me like that.

I feel like there is a girl code, and this woman did not adhere to it.

I think you sound controlling. There is no girl code - my mother regularly buys my kids milestone clothing (as do other grandparents and ILs) without asking me for “permission.” I can either choose to see it as a thoughtful gesture or an annoying one.

I am also a step parent and I don’t ask permission from my DSS’s mother to buy him clothes or toys or whatever. I know she doesn’t like some of the stuff I buy him (trendy teenage stuff now) because she likes him to dress very preppy, but he has a closet full of options and can pick what he likes. I also talk about important topics with him, like relationships, dating, college plans, etc. Am I not supposed to offer an opinion on these important topics when he asks because he should only get advice from his mom and dad?

Technically, it's OK. Every situation is different so I can't judge. When this happened to me with my children on my ex's new woman's Profile page, I was livid! It was posted PUBLICLY, I never met her and He didn't post it on his page. I feel it shows lack of class, respect and empathy. I feel it indicates that she needs validation so she posts this fantasy Profile of her with 5 children (I gave birth to 3 and she to 2). Why post publicly and on the cover if she is just expressing her love of her new "family"? Why not just post so her friends can view? I just think it speaks volumes about the importance she places on attention from others.

Hell, no. Not okay.

Anyone can take a picture of your children and post it and there is not one damn think you can do about it unless it is pornography. There is no expectation of privacy in a public place. If your DH said she could post them the she can!

OP, you are right in pretty much everything in this. I could see that you are getting carried away a bit here on the bra issue but I agree what you said about introducing kids too early with your SO and this is what happens. The kids get attached to the other person and then they might have trust issues. Good for you to thinking like that about your kids.

You also need to let go some of the trivial things like bra shopping as long as it is not harming kids and being getting done in a happy way.

OP again. I understand that ex gave his gf "permission" to do these things, and I took up these issues with him.

I just don't understand why another woman and mother would step on my toes in this manner. I would not take the gf's daughter bra shopping, or some other kind of milestone thing (theoretical example: let's say I took her young daughter to pick an outfit for her first day of kindergarten). I just would not insert myself that way without talking to the kid's mother first, and making sure it was okay. "Hi, Susie, I noticed that Larla may need to start wearing a bra. Is it ok for me to take her shopping, or would you prefer to do that with her?" My whole feeling would have been different if she had approached me like that.

I feel like there is a girl code, and this woman did not adhere to it.

I am the OP. You may think I made up a dramatic story, but this actually happened. I am not trying to stick it to my ex. He should date if he wants. All I'm asking is to keep it away from the kids unless it's serious. It obviously wasn't very solid, since they broke up after 6 months. Plus I now find out the gf wasnt even divorced from her last husband throughout most of the relationship. Yet she was telling my kids she considered herself their stepmom, buying bras for my barely developed daughter, posting family type pics of my kids on social media, and ex letting her pick up/drop off my kids at daycare during his custody time. Now ex is telling me she is totally out of their lives, and my kids are still asking if the gf can dye their hair purple during a future visit.

I get it.... my kids are not belongings or pawns. More love is good. I need to get over residual jealousy that they will one day have a stepmom figure in their lives. I would just like ex to do so in a thoughtful, responsible manner. I've been dating a good, stable, mature guy, and I have zero desire to bring either of our kids into the relationship at this point.

I see OP has neatly ended and packaged her dramatic story. I’m never sure if those posters are real, trolls, or posters who later realize how ridiculous they sound.

But, To OP and parents like her:

As to treating your kids like pawns and possessions. They’re not on the Earth to just love you, and you alone.

Here the thing, maybe DD didn’t want bra shopping to be a some “big milestone thing”. She wanted a bra, or a piece of clothing that resembled a bra.

It hurts like hell, but seriously - don’t you put your kid in this world to be loved? Like the magic penny?

I know, it feels really good to feel like you’re sticking it to your ex, but seriously, can’t your rise above for your kids?

Stop blamimg GF . Your ex have her permission so take it up with him. You and your lawyer should have covered this in divorce agreement.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just got my kids back from a visit with their dad. The pushy gf took it upon herself to buy my 3rd grader her first bra. I am so upset - why would she think taking this milestone from me with my own daughter would be ok?

wtf 3rd grade is too young...4th or 5th grade I can see but 3rd????

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ex and his gf broke up. It's almost like he should have waited to introduce her to our kids until their relationship was more solid 🤷‍♀️

I am very sorry OP and you were right to be concerned. I am a man but don't like what your XH did. Parents should take atleast 6-7 months before introducing kids. I took 13 months when my Ex-wife introduced 2 of her BFs within 6 weeks. Sigh!

That's horrible! I am glad you are there for your kids, PP.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ex and his gf broke up. It's almost like he should have waited to introduce her to our kids until their relationship was more solid 🤷‍♀️

I am very sorry OP and you were right to be concerned. I am a man but don't like what your XH did. Parents should take atleast 6-7 months before introducing kids. I took 13 months when my Ex-wife introduced 2 of her BFs within 6 weeks. Sigh!