If you are looking for a tax write-off you have to be careful. You cannot "donate" to a particular person or family. If you are just looking to pay tuition without designating it as a contribution to the school, you will have no problem. The School will just let the family know that an anonymous person paid the tuition. That is so kind of you!

Anonymous wrote:Would a school allow us to give $X, they then contact the family and pretend they found $X in aid or scholarship for their child? Or something along those lines. We don't want to embarrass them and we don't want them to know we gave it.

When I had a health crisis and didn’t work 3 months during my DD’s second year in the lower school, someone made an anonymous donation of $1000. That covered the remaining two payments I owed and my payment plan deposit for the next year.

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I think OP is very thoughtful and extremely generous, I would just makes sure she knows the whole story. Call it "an axe to grind" if you want, but there are people who play the system like a game. I would just make sure it is the "most" needy family, not just one that claims one thing, come to find out another, altogether.

I am certainly hoping/thinking/believing that the situation I describe is a miniscule minoroty. OP didn't elaborate too much, so I thought she should be apprised.

Maybe I misread and you weren't also the post that went off on how I think my family is "immune", but if you are then I don't see how that post could possibly be read as apprising the OP that some people cheat.

I will also say that, at least in my situation, I don't pretend to know whether our family is the "most needy" at our school. I guess it's possible that some anonymous donor who doesn't know us from Adam approached the school and asked them to pick the most needy family to benefit, but I doubt it. What I think is more likely is that either a relative or a friend who knows my kids and cares about them as individuals paid. I have, for example, several relatives who sent their own kids to Catholic schools, and continue to support Catholic schools. One of them may have felt this was a way to both help my family, and to help the school. It's also possible that the money came from one or more of my kids' classmates.

I don't think that accepting the money, given that we might not have been the "most needy" at our school and certainly aren't the "most needy" in our area, is in the same category as lying about our situation, something we didn't do.

PP here. I think OP is very thoughtful and extremely generous, I would just makes sure she knows the whole story. Call it "an axe to grind" if you want, but there are people who play the system like a game. I would just make sure it is the "most" needy family, not just one that claims one thing, come to find out another, altogether.

I am certainly hoping/thinking/believing that the situation I describe is a miniscule minoroty. OP didn't elaborate too much, so I thought she should be apprised.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But you don't get it. I have had kids in the hospital, too. Here is part of another post, talking about just this: "But of course this is not how it works. It is the people without privilege who learn the real unfairness of the world at a very young age. Privileged children only learn about fairness on an individual level. They are rarely taught about the structural unfairness of the world."

That is what I am saying. You think you are immune to "life happening" and you either don't even realize it, or do everything to avoid "that life", or would never admit it.

No one is entitled to anything. Ever. No one is entitled to being "compensated" because their family is in the hospital, as mine have been. Don't pretend you know me or what my family has been through.

You think you are immune. You are not.

DP. You are wildly projecting. I don't get your hostility, and it seems pretty tough to live that way, so I hope you are okay.

That didn’t sound the least bit sincere, but I am fine.

I would however, personally have an issue with someone who claims to need help, but does not (see example upthread). You should too.

Is there any evidence on this thread that OP’s friend, or me (the poster you were addressing) claimed to need help and didn’t?

DP. If there is then I don't see it. I am chalking up the other poster to being unbalanced and resentful. You've responded very appropriately but this other person seems to have an axe to grind. I would ignore it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But you don't get it. I have had kids in the hospital, too. Here is part of another post, talking about just this: "But of course this is not how it works. It is the people without privilege who learn the real unfairness of the world at a very young age. Privileged children only learn about fairness on an individual level. They are rarely taught about the structural unfairness of the world."

That is what I am saying. You think you are immune to "life happening" and you either don't even realize it, or do everything to avoid "that life", or would never admit it.

No one is entitled to anything. Ever. No one is entitled to being "compensated" because their family is in the hospital, as mine have been. Don't pretend you know me or what my family has been through.

You think you are immune. You are not.

DP. You are wildly projecting. I don't get your hostility, and it seems pretty tough to live that way, so I hope you are okay.

That didn’t sound the least bit sincere, but I am fine.

I would however, personally have an issue with someone who claims to need help, but does not (see example upthread). You should too.

Is there any evidence on this thread that OP’s friend, or me (the poster you were addressing) claimed to need help and didn’t?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But you don't get it. I have had kids in the hospital, too. Here is part of another post, talking about just this: "But of course this is not how it works. It is the people without privilege who learn the real unfairness of the world at a very young age. Privileged children only learn about fairness on an individual level. They are rarely taught about the structural unfairness of the world."

That is what I am saying. You think you are immune to "life happening" and you either don't even realize it, or do everything to avoid "that life", or would never admit it.

No one is entitled to anything. Ever. No one is entitled to being "compensated" because their family is in the hospital, as mine have been. Don't pretend you know me or what my family has been through.

You think you are immune. You are not.

DP. You are wildly projecting. I don't get your hostility, and it seems pretty tough to live that way, so I hope you are okay.

That didn’t sound the least bit sincere, but I am fine.

I would however, personally have an issue with someone who claims to need help, but does not (see example upthread). You should too.

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in public school and we couldn't afford private school, but I still think this is an incredibly generous thing to do. Yes, kids in private school likely have a much easier life -- even if their dad loses his job b/c of COVID and they have to switch school mid-year -- than 95% of the population. It doesn't mean it's not incredibly generous and worthwhile to try to stop a 6 or 8 or 10 year old from experiencing pain and hardship if you can.

Isn’t the private school more about the parent, and the parent’s social life, as was stated upthread?

I don’t think a kid would notice, and certainly wouldn’t remember much if anything, at such a young age.

There is not just one person who feels this way.

My kids are in public school and we couldn't afford private school, but I still think this is an incredibly generous thing to do. Yes, kids in private school likely have a much easier life -- even if their dad loses his job b/c of COVID and they have to switch school mid-year -- than 95% of the population. It doesn't mean it's not incredibly generous and worthwhile to try to stop a 6 or 8 or 10 year old from experiencing pain and hardship if you can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But you don't get it. I have had kids in the hospital, too. Here is part of another post, talking about just this: "But of course this is not how it works. It is the people without privilege who learn the real unfairness of the world at a very young age. Privileged children only learn about fairness on an individual level. They are rarely taught about the structural unfairness of the world."

That is what I am saying. You think you are immune to "life happening" and you either don't even realize it, or do everything to avoid "that life", or would never admit it.

No one is entitled to anything. Ever. No one is entitled to being "compensated" because their family is in the hospital, as mine have been. Don't pretend you know me or what my family has been through.

You think you are immune. You are not.

And you are not entitled to tell people what to do with their money in order to teach them your lesson about entitlement.

No one is telling anyone how to spend their money but you should know things aren’t always what they seem - works BOTH ways. Some people know how to work the system, that’s all. You seem extremely naive. If you don’t believe that some people know how to work the system, I have a bridge to sell you.

Anonymous wrote:You can but technically it’s not a donation since it’s being directed to a specific family - they may let us slide but just be aware. Think Gofundme- not deductible.

- a CPA

It’s very unlikely the school lets it slide so you can count it as a donation. If anyone else gets wind of this — especially if they’re upset, their child did not get financial aid — the school could into serious trouble with the IRS and possibly even lose their non-profit status.

If you give this gift, it’s very likely that the school would facilitate letting the family know that a generous anonymous donor has paid their child’s tuition. The school will not lie on your behalf. The school will also not allow you to count this gift as a donation.

You can but technically it’s not a donation since it’s being directed to a specific family - they may let us slide but just be aware. Think Gofundme- not deductible.

- a CPA

Anonymous wrote:But you don't get it. I have had kids in the hospital, too. Here is part of another post, talking about just this: "But of course this is not how it works. It is the people without privilege who learn the real unfairness of the world at a very young age. Privileged children only learn about fairness on an individual level. They are rarely taught about the structural unfairness of the world."

That is what I am saying. You think you are immune to "life happening" and you either don't even realize it, or do everything to avoid "that life", or would never admit it.

No one is entitled to anything. Ever. No one is entitled to being "compensated" because their family is in the hospital, as mine have been. Don't pretend you know me or what my family has been through.

You think you are immune. You are not.

And you are not entitled to tell people what to do with their money in order to teach them your lesson about entitlement.

Anonymous wrote:Thats very generous of you but I would imagine that large of a gift could benefit many families more needy than one at a private school...

Don't tell people how to spend their money.

Go for it, OP! That is super thoughtful and kind. I would guess you are likely someone who already gives to other causes and this would likely be very well received.