Anonymous wrote:Alternate plan that doesn’t waste more time: look for an apartment now with a November or December start date. Move in slowly, buying new stuff and getting it into the new place bit by bit.

On Dec. 24, you roll your suitcase out and leave a lovely Christmas card for him to find in the morning: “Happy Holidays to me! I’m starting a New Year without you.”

Something like this, OP. Make a plan to GET OUT NOW. Take steps NOW. Do something like this that will satisfy your "revenge" without setting yourself up for yet more wasted time and failure.

Get therapy and dump him OP. He's probably not as bisexual as he is pretending, but for some reason needs to have a girlfriend around to impress people. I dated one of these for a while, don't put anymore energy in and find a guy that likes women.

Another vote for therapy, OP.

Get therapy OP. That's my take way from your whole post

The things you write about him make him sound like a terrible partner. He’s not going to be kinder, more thoughtful, more loving, more sexually attracted to you after marriage. THIS is him on his best behavior, while you’re dating. You’re so desperate to get married that you’re blind to the misery that will result from marrying him. Your happiest days with him are already behind you. Your relationship is never going to get better, but it can get much, much worse.

Anonymous wrote:OMG - You deserve each other. You are going to sit around being angry and fake for another 2.5 years ? Do you value any of your own life at all? Move out, move along. Get some self respect.

This..

You aren't getting any younger. Moving on with your life is the better choice and will benefit you.

Move on with your life.

He’s not ready for a commitment with you, and may never be.
Men have the luxury of time but women don’t if they want to have children. Find someone else.

Anonymous wrote:I would just start dating other people and not even let him know

No, OP, don’t do this. It’s cheating and beneath you. Plus, you need to get your own place and get your head on straight otherwise you will just attract more losers. I hope you listen to everyone on this thread and just put all your energy into breaking up.

It sounds like you’re not even living with him, which is great!

Personally, I would set up a video call with him and just tell him the relationship isn’t working for you and it is over. He may say fine. He may try to “talk” with you about your relationship. Just disengage say goodbye and hang up.

It’s that easy.

Then focus on yourself.

OMG - You deserve each other. You are going to sit around being angry and fake for another 2.5 years ? Do you value any of your own life at all? Move out, move along. Get some self respect.

It sounds like you agree that there are major issues to work on but are mad that he wants to work on the issues before getting married. Not only should you break up with him, but--if you want to have a successful marriage one day--you should get some therapy or spend some serious introspective time considering why you have such a dysfunctional relationship. It is almost never the fault of only one person. And the fact that you want to go forward with this half-baked plan makes me think that you play a big role in the dysfunction here.

I would just start dating other people and not even let him know

OP, I was with a man like you describe for 5 years before we got engaged. I had to push for the engagement, I had to plan everything, I had to make all of the decisions. We are divorcing after less than two years of marriage.

You are much better off without someone like him. It will definitely not get better.

What about shifting your focus from him, to yourself? Picture your best life. Make a plan to get there. Your current plan is hinging too much on him--what if you do all of the things you've planned and he STILL doesn't propose? Then your time was wasted.

Even if he does propose that doesn't ensure that he'll be hurt or crushed if you say no. You cannot control how he reacts. Period. You CAN control how you react. You're hurting so do something about that.

You can do this, OP. You can build a life where you aren't waiting on anyone else to make a move that you're ready for.

Personally I'd give it one last shot of telling him that I'm ready to make a commitment and if he's not then I'm going to start planning for my future. Then I'd do just that but without telling him about it. I'd make it about me--what I wanted, getting those things, moving forward and the key is not to have one single part of it be about how HE is going to react.

It's all about YOU, OP. Get started!

What will happen when you implement your plan: you’ll stop nagging him to get married (he doesn’t want to ), fights will stop, you’ll be happier than ever and think your love him more than ever, so you’ll want to get married even more, but he will never do it—> more waste of your time and sadness for you.

He will probably get engaged to the next girl within a year. Sorry, OP, I think your revenge plan is just another way for you to keep hanging on.

He’s GAY. Stop looking so desperate.