Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone keeps saying "be thin" but I seriously dated only this kind of guy, and was proposed to by two (before DH). And I've always been thick (not fat, but size 12). UMC guys sometimes like thick women just like poor guys sometimes do.

How tall are you though? There’s a big difference between 5’1 and 5’7 at that size.

I'm 5'9 but I'm decidedly not "thin."

Anonymous wrote:OP I think what you are wanting is a high earning partner to eventually marry and you are assuming that means finding a guy that appears "preppy"

You aren't their type. Just forget it and move on. There are men that are stable with good jobs/high income that do not share the preppy aesthetic you seem to think UMC all have. Look for them.

+1. OP, you're looking for a very specific type that doesn't find you attractive. You can find a successful guy who doesn't come from this narrow slice that was more prevalent decades ago. You also seem to place a lot of emphasis on appearance rather than character and personality. Are you from this WASP sort of background? I know you didn't specify WASP, but you're essentially describing a WASP Yuppie from the 1980's.

It sounds like you're looking for a guy who has his life together. Keep in mind that these men are looking for a wife who also has their life together. Even if they eventually want a SAHM wife, there's world of difference between a together SAHM and a hot mess SAHM. The women who look like potential to be a great wife have good careers, finances in order, get along with others (low drama as others have said), advocate well, and take care of themselves including exercise. They're typically pretty mainstream and functioning (I know I'll get slammed for this, but this is what I believe). If you can't get your life together when you're a single person, then you'll likely be a pretty bad parent, even if you don't work when you have kids. It's so much more work to be a parent than to just hold down your own life as a single person.

Be brutally honest with yourself. If you have any deficiencies, then correct them now. Good luck and I hope you find what you're looking for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Low drama
Attractive - not drop dead gorgeous, just reasonable
Likes sex and having fun
Low drama

+1Million

This has been my observation, too.

I’d add smart and competent and I’d triple down on low drama. I once dated a woman who was beautiful, liked sex and having fun but it all came with a lot of drama and ego. It was exhausting trying to deal with it and when I broke up with her and told her why she almost went nuclear. I married a very attractive low drama woman and it’s been wonderful.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if I qualify as UMC, I make 350k working in IT and am early 30’s/single. I have a hard time dating, always did. I’m in pretty good shape (long time runner/cyclist) but am very short for a man at 5’4 and am also quite introverted. I’ve never been to a bar or club in my life and rely exclusively on dating apps. I didn’t even start dating until my mid 20’s due to lack of confidence, and the women I’ve dated were the type most other men would overlook.

Finally a reply from a man.

I've been attracted to a variety of men over the years, from short to tall. Some super attractive short men out there, PP. There's a woman out there looking for you.

Anonymous wrote:Low drama
Attractive - not drop dead gorgeous, just reasonable
Likes sex and having fun
Low drama

+1Million

This has been my observation, too.

While it was a long time ago I aspired to find a tall IBM-type guy who wore white dress shirts. I had worked for IBM one summer and I was really impressed by those guys as they seemed like they were going places. Eventually I dated a few guys like that and while they were very nice guys none of them excited me. Eventually I met a medium height guy who rarely wore white shirts but he was good looking, very smart, made me laugh, was very sweet to me and came from a wonderful family. You may have an ideal type in mind but it is much better to cast a wide net.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand this may be a silly question but, humor me. I have observed that certain friends of mine have ended up with a very specific kind of guy. Some would call them "yuppies." From what I can tell these are their qualities:

- Come from a well-off background
- Have great careers where they are successful
- They are driven and motivated
- They are organized, thoughtful and have a plan for what they want in life and work
- Well adjusted individuals. They are functioning adults without any substance abuse or personality issues
- Put together. Dress in clean, preppy clothes; slim pants and button downs and "stylish" gym wear
- They have a great group of friends

I guess I am at a loss because I can spot these guys and am always interested but they have never shown an interest in me. Meanwhile two of my close friends recently became engaged to this exact kind of guy. I am envious as I am always approached by the messy artsy types who have lackluster careers, drink too much and have self esteem issues. What kind of woman should I aim to be to attract this kind of guy?

These guys often have a small penis. They'll also make you a golf widow. More than half their appeal is their wealth and the doors it opens.

Yeah, this description makes me think of Charlotte’s first husband on SATC. The marriage didn’t go so well.

Just because someone looks good on paper does not make then a good fit. I went down that rabbit hole in my mid twenties. Glad I realized what was most important to me was how the partner and relationship made me feel, not whether he ticked certain boxes.

Also, there is something to be said for negative assortative mating. Bringing complementary but not same things to table can be helpful in producing household.

Yea, go deeper and recognize there are men outside of what you want right now, who may be a good fit for you, even if they are outside your current preferred standards.

Anonymous wrote:OP I think what you are wanting is a high earning partner to eventually marry and you are assuming that means finding a guy that appears "preppy"

You aren't their type. Just forget it and move on. There are men that are stable with good jobs/high income that do not share the preppy aesthetic you seem to think UMC all have. Look for them.

True. My UMC, lawyer DH never dresses preppy. He’s a sporty guy, low key, smart, has a close group of friends from growing up. I’m the same. Athletic, good looking but not glam, low stress, close group of friends. Try to be the best you and you’ll attract someone similar.

OP I think what you are wanting is a high earning partner to eventually marry and you are assuming that means finding a guy that appears "preppy"

You aren't their type. Just forget it and move on. There are men that are stable with good jobs/high income that do not share the preppy aesthetic you seem to think UMC all have. Look for them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thin and very pretty women.

To an extent. This is my crowd and most couples got married late 20s/early 30s to someone who if we were being so crass as to do the 1-10 number rating, matched up equally when they were that age. Many diverged looked-wise later over the past 10-15 years based on genetics and how they took care of themselves, but most were pretty equally matched at that age.

Our group: fit/athletic, pretty, smart, good jobs and I agree both couples were matched physically/looks wise. Many graduate or professional degrees on both sides.

Classy dress---not slutty. Not overly trendy, Kardashian gross.

This may not be helpful and not what you want to hear. I think a lot of people have given advice like change yourself and lose weight etc etc. I’m older than you are (40) and went through the horrible dc dating scene w my friends some of while it seems like are permanently single. It just doesn’t happen for everyone and, watching some of them still at this age dealing w this, it really doesn’t happen if you are set on a specific “type” of monolithic guy who may not be the match for you. My obviously unsolicited and not intended to be rude advice is branch out and meet as many different people as you can. Give them all a chance who are nice, kind, and check those boxes. You don’t want to be 40 thinking about all the people that you rejected because they didn’t dress the right way in your 20s.

Anonymous wrote:Thin and very pretty women.

To an extent. This is my crowd and most couples got married late 20s/early 30s to someone who if we were being so crass as to do the 1-10 number rating, matched up equally when they were that age. Many diverged looked-wise later over the past 10-15 years based on genetics and how they took care of themselves, but most were pretty equally matched at that age.

Thin and very pretty women.