Anonymous wrote:The reason that you are angry is that some part of you is uncomfortable drawing the boundary. When I say no and I'm comfortable with it, I don't get frazzled when someone pushes back. I just repeat the no answer and move on.

NP here. For me I'm uncomfortable with the blow back from the hosts. I've encountered so much rudeness when declining playdates, parties etc that I almost always decline via email. I don't know how many times I received a phone call from a mom wanting to know why we're declining while mom is clearly upset. I have also used sly dial to leave a message on the mom's phone so I wouldn't have to talk. I'm not a shrinking violet either, there are just too many rude parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, then also don’t give some lame excuse about not expanding your social bubble in a lecturing fashion, all the while Publicly and obviously doing things which are more unsafe than the small gathering we’ve set up. I don’t care if you come, as we know not everyone has the same comfort levels. So, say no, I’m cool with that. But don’t play holier than thou, while taking other greater risks that even the people having a small, controlled group over wouldn’t take.

Everyone won't take the same risks with all people. So just because someone sees X friend without masks outside, does not automatically mean they will see Y friend would masks outside.

If you are hosting any sort of gathering, you need to toughen up. If you can't toughen up, don't host until covid is over.

I don’t care what people do, as I understand risk. But don’t lecture others on risk when you’re doing other things that are also risky. It’s like not using a condom yourself, but lecturing about STDs and birth control. It’s unnecessary and sanctimonious, but also makes you look like an a*hole or anyone who understands science.

Anonymous wrote:Okay, then also don’t give some lame excuse about not expanding your social bubble in a lecturing fashion, all the while Publicly and obviously doing things which are more unsafe than the small gathering we’ve set up. I don’t care if you come, as we know not everyone has the same comfort levels. So, say no, I’m cool with that. But don’t play holier than thou, while taking other greater risks that even the people having a small, controlled group over wouldn’t take.

Everyone won't take the same risks with all people. So just because someone sees X friend without masks outside, does not automatically mean they will see Y friend would masks outside.

If you are hosting any sort of gathering, you need to toughen up. If you can't toughen up, don't host until covid is over.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, then also don’t give some lame excuse about not expanding your social bubble in a lecturing fashion, all the while Publicly and obviously doing things which are more unsafe than the small gathering we’ve set up. I don’t care if you come, as we know not everyone has the same comfort levels. So, say no, I’m cool with that. But don’t play holier than thou, while taking other greater risks that even the people having a small, controlled group over wouldn’t take.

When did OP say otherwise? She said "We can't make it" and said happy birthday to the kid. Where are you getting "holier than thou" from that?

Oh, I’m fine with OP and her response. Other people are not so graceful as guests, so I’m countering a PSA with a PSA.

I will add: if you are hosting, tell me you'll be wearing a mask! I was so relieved to roll up to the playground and see 2/3 of the other people in masks. Not everyone, but most.

If the host lays out that expectation, I do think more people would have followed suit.

Make it normal to wear a mask at gatherings outdoors with people who do not live with you!

Anonymous wrote:Okay, then also don’t give some lame excuse about not expanding your social bubble in a lecturing fashion, all the while Publicly and obviously doing things which are more unsafe than the small gathering we’ve set up. I don’t care if you come, as we know not everyone has the same comfort levels. So, say no, I’m cool with that. But don’t play holier than thou, while taking other greater risks that even the people having a small, controlled group over wouldn’t take.

When did OP say otherwise? She said "We can't make it" and said happy birthday to the kid. Where are you getting "holier than thou" from that?

Okay, then also don’t give some lame excuse about not expanding your social bubble in a lecturing fashion, all the while Publicly and obviously doing things which are more unsafe than the small gathering we’ve set up. I don’t care if you come, as we know not everyone has the same comfort levels. So, say no, I’m cool with that. But don’t play holier than thou, while taking other greater risks that even the people having a small, controlled group over wouldn’t take.