Anonymous
Post 09/09/2020 16:01     Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
My son is often the only child in the group, so in those cases I let him talk... to a certain extent. If he's veering off topic too much, I stop him. And I definitely don't let him interrupt. Also if he's asking too many questions about the topic, I tell him it's a grown-up thing or whatever to get him to stop asking questions. So in short, I don't let him DOMINATE the conversation.



Anonymous
Post 09/09/2020 15:52     Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
To be clear - don’t pick on a child ever. Sorry, multitasking.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2020 15:52     Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."

Get therapy to unlearn this. It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves)


I was raised this way too. What OP is talking about is not simply a child talking to an adult which is fine. It's a child interrupting the conversation when adults are talking, and then dominating it with whatever they want. It's also annoying when they keep interrupting and the adult doesn't do anything to teach a child that is rude.


Exactly.

I get so many compliments on how my child waits silentku or minds her business during conference calls etc. I taught her long ago, when I had the time to break it down, I don’t have to explain anything she just has to obey. I can choose to share more, but I am the parent. My job is to teach and protect her and love her along the way. No one else will do things just like me, but I don’t have to explain myself to a child. And don’t expect adults to explain things to you. If dc forgets sometimes and interrupts I look at her and excuse myself from the call then say “Is it an emergency ? Are you hurt? Is there a danger? No? Then please don’t interrupt and I will be there as soon as I am done.” I also tell her, eavesdropping is rude and sneaky, as is gossip and not to do it even if others do. Just as she is allowed privacy when she uses the bathroom, people are allowed to discuss things in private without you feeling like it is to exclude or be mean to you. I taught this young and starting out I had many hugs and affirmations of what I loved about her, followed by reminders that just because she has to follow a rule, it doesn’t mean I don’t love her, or someone else doesn’t want to “be her friend”. Adults are your elders, they are not children. She finally has the balance of being a carefree child, with the social intelligence to identify a somber discussion or hear instructions without it turning into a 45-minute teaching moment.

This isn’t hard. It’s not wrong, it’s not mean. My child tells me I’m the best mommy very day and she knows she is loved and she shares that love with anything or anyone that crosses her path. I was neglected and at times abused growing up, so I am very sensitive around issues like this. If you give them the love they need they won’t break down with mental issues from the path of learning emotional and social maturity. In some situations, people will yell (FIRE!) occasionally being curt (get back right now) or short (No), or authoritative or a disciplinarian. We are not stopping all of the world to answer your why every time. But I do make sure I address everything and her feelings later, let her know I respect her too and what I am proud of, and make sure no one interferes with the time for her either.

We have to love our children enough to prepare them to survive in a crazy world. And some kids already have stereotypes to overcome that are no fault of their own, and having behaviours like this can easily get them labeled as “immature” or “problem children”.
This is about learning to set and respect boundaries and helping children distinguish what is appropriate as they mature in age and u deratanding.



Very well said. When did being a good parent become, accepting any and all behavior from a child and never setting any type of boundaries?

From my experience, kids are happier, when they can be kids, and their every whim isn't catered to when they are loved to bits, but loved enough to be tought boundaries and what's appropriate in various situations.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2020 15:49     Subject: Re:Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
If the child is actually conversing, not interrupting, I don't see how you have any grounds to correct them.


“I am not interested in the opinions of a child” is a perfectly valid ground for telling the kid to pipe down,


This is insanely rude, and I'm of the opinion that the OP should suggest the chatty kids should go play with their friends. It's fine to want grown-up time, it's unequivocally not okay to tell polite kids trying to engage in conversation that their opinions are worthless.


It is totally ok to tell kids that their opinions are immature, ignorant, and uninteresting, because they are.


Adults can also be immature, ignorant and uninteresting! Just check out our Dear Leader. Ii find that some kids,can be interesting!


Yes, this is the fine line. And it will look different based on the parent and the child. Some parents are ignorant, some are stupid, some are open to learning as they teach their own to learn. Some parents are so effed up they literally project themselves into their child and recreate the same mess. I do not think it is okay to belittle or demean the confidence of a child. If you establish that confidence in things they are proud of independently it won’t be so easily threatened. Life is going to tear their confidence at some point, so you have to show them how to respond, help them articulate their feelings and e loving and kind. And help them understand, in our house we do XYZ, but other adults may feel this way if you say that to them. Our rules are our rules, no matter if you are the only one following them. I don’t care what other people do, I care what YOU do. But you can’t pick on them or expect maturity if you aren’t putting in the (exhaustive!) work that it entails.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2020 15:43     Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."

Get therapy to unlearn this. It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves)


I was raised this way too. What OP is talking about is not simply a child talking to an adult which is fine. It's a child interrupting the conversation when adults are talking, and then dominating it with whatever they want. It's also annoying when they keep interrupting and the adult doesn't do anything to teach a child that is rude.


Exactly.

I get so many compliments on how my child waits silentku or minds her business during conference calls etc. I taught her long ago, when I had the time to break it down, I don’t have to explain anything she just has to obey. I can choose to share more, but I am the parent. My job is to teach and protect her and love her along the way. No one else will do things just like me, but I don’t have to explain myself to a child. And don’t expect adults to explain things to you. If dc forgets sometimes and interrupts I look at her and excuse myself from the call then say “Is it an emergency ? Are you hurt? Is there a danger? No? Then please don’t interrupt and I will be there as soon as I am done.” I also tell her, eavesdropping is rude and sneaky, as is gossip and not to do it even if others do. Just as she is allowed privacy when she uses the bathroom, people are allowed to discuss things in private without you feeling like it is to exclude or be mean to you. I taught this young and starting out I had many hugs and affirmations of what I loved about her, followed by reminders that just because she has to follow a rule, it doesn’t mean I don’t love her, or someone else doesn’t want to “be her friend”. Adults are your elders, they are not children. She finally has the balance of being a carefree child, with the social intelligence to identify a somber discussion or hear instructions without it turning into a 45-minute teaching moment.

This isn’t hard. It’s not wrong, it’s not mean. My child tells me I’m the best mommy very day and she knows she is loved and she shares that love with anything or anyone that crosses her path. I was neglected and at times abused growing up, so I am very sensitive around issues like this. If you give them the love they need they won’t break down with mental issues from the path of learning emotional and social maturity. In some situations, people will yell (FIRE!) occasionally being curt (get back right now) or short (No), or authoritative or a disciplinarian. We are not stopping all of the world to answer your why every time. But I do make sure I address everything and her feelings later, let her know I respect her too and what I am proud of, and make sure no one interferes with the time for her either.

We have to love our children enough to prepare them to survive in a crazy world. And some kids already have stereotypes to overcome that are no fault of their own, and having behaviours like this can easily get them labeled as “immature” or “problem children”.
This is about learning to set and respect boundaries and helping children distinguish what is appropriate as they mature in age and u deratanding.

Anonymous
Post 09/09/2020 15:37     Subject: Re:Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
If the child is actually conversing, not interrupting, I don't see how you have any grounds to correct them.


“I am not interested in the opinions of a child” is a perfectly valid ground for telling the kid to pipe down,


This is insanely rude, and I'm of the opinion that the OP should suggest the chatty kids should go play with their friends. It's fine to want grown-up time, it's unequivocally not okay to tell polite kids trying to engage in conversation that their opinions are worthless.


It is totally ok to tell kids that their opinions are immature, ignorant, and uninteresting, because they are.


Adults can also be immature, ignorant and uninteresting! Just check out our Dear Leader. Ii find that some kids,can be interesting!
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2020 15:30     Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Clearly a parent problem, not a child problem.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2020 15:29     Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I still remember my dad saying to me, "Nobody wants to hear you talk about cats." It was an eye opener because at age 7, I totally thought that they did!

If the mom's raising such selfish little creatures on purpose then all you can do is childless interaction, or none.


OP here and while that may be true that I don't want to hear them talk about cats, I would never talk that way to a child! Sorry. Probably stuck with you because it was kind of hurtful.


Truth hurts sometimes. Bet PP learned not to interrupt and her parents probably weren’t crowdsourcing help online about it. There are lines of authority for a reason and parents aren’t always hurtful to be curt or frank. If they don’t learn at home they won’t know what to face in the real world. Or god forbid the military or a boarding school.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2020 15:24     Subject: Re:Kids who dominate adult conversations
As I tell my child "never miss a good opportunity to shut up." As evidenced here, so many of you are teaching your children that the universe revolves around them. IT DOES NOT. I know they are important to you, but trust me, your kids do nothing for me. Teach them when it's ok to join a conversation (read, when they are asked to) and to stay out of adult conversations the rest of the time. Trust me, their life will be a lot easier later in life.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2020 15:20     Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."

Get therapy to unlearn this. It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves)


I was raised this way too. What OP is talking about is not simply a child talking to an adult which is fine. It's a child interrupting the conversation when adults are talking, and then dominating it with whatever they want. It's also annoying when they keep interrupting and the adult doesn't do anything to teach a child that is rude.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2020 15:18     Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:I still remember my dad saying to me, "Nobody wants to hear you talk about cats." It was an eye opener because at age 7, I totally thought that they did!

If the mom's raising such selfish little creatures on purpose then all you can do is childless interaction, or none.


OP here and while that may be true that I don't want to hear them talk about cats, I would never talk that way to a child! Sorry. Probably stuck with you because it was kind of hurtful.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2020 15:13     Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How do I gently deal with kids who interrupt and dominate adult conversations? I don’t want to offend the other mom. I often meet up with other moms for some adult conversation but one of the moms’ children always ends up dominating our conversations. After spending the entire day with my kids, I am really just craving talking to other adults, not talking to other kids about kid stuff.

The other mom sort of encourages it and I can kind of see it as a social benefit for the children in getting practice speaking with other adults. But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you. And her kids are lovely but I just don’t want to talk with them the entire time, but they just love talking with us instead of playing on their own or with each other.


Need more details. Are you going over with your kids? What time? If you want adult time you need to tell her your friend. Go over when kid is asleep or invite her to your house and tell your kids not to interrupt.


We generally meet up outside at a playground, at the end of the day. The kids get to meet up and play, and the adults get to meet up and chat (ideally).
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2020 14:41     Subject: Re:Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
If the child is actually conversing, not interrupting, I don't see how you have any grounds to correct them.


“I am not interested in the opinions of a child” is a perfectly valid ground for telling the kid to pipe down,


This is insanely rude, and I'm of the opinion that the OP should suggest the chatty kids should go play with their friends. It's fine to want grown-up time, it's unequivocally not okay to tell polite kids trying to engage in conversation that their opinions are worthless.


It is totally ok to tell kids that their opinions are immature, ignorant, and uninteresting, because they are.


You were raised poorly.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2020 14:39     Subject: Re:Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
If the child is actually conversing, not interrupting, I don't see how you have any grounds to correct them.


“I am not interested in the opinions of a child” is a perfectly valid ground for telling the kid to pipe down,


This is insanely rude, and I'm of the opinion that the OP should suggest the chatty kids should go play with their friends. It's fine to want grown-up time, it's unequivocally not okay to tell polite kids trying to engage in conversation that their opinions are worthless.


It is totally ok to tell kids that their opinions are immature, ignorant, and uninteresting, because they are.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2020 14:34     Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
I tell my child that wants to get too much into the discussion one is the following:

“Mommy and The Hamburgler are talking right now. You may have some time to tell her more about your clown makeup later.”

Or

“This is a conversation for grownups. Do you pay taxes? Do you have children? No then you’ve got ta go!”

Or

“Please allow me the privacy to talk about this alone with Barbie. You are a big kid and old enough to understand this. I’m not going to ask you again.”


First is kind, second is direct with a little joking, 3rd is in my I mean business voice.