Anonymous
Post 08/28/2020 13:37     Subject: I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.
If they're so great, why can't they afford to live in Manhattan with a vacation home in the Hamptons? Why on earth would they live in the DC region?
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2020 12:48     Subject: I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.
Anonymous wrote:Well, maybe you’re not religious, but when I’m envious of someone, I pray for them. Pray that they are blessed with peace, success, happiness. I think then it helps to start to Delight in their successes instead of feeling bitter.


Marianne Williamson did a piece on this with Oprah. It's on youtube and worth the approx 3 mines. In that instance it was about someone who has wronged you but I agree that it can work for envy as well. Redirect to a positive place.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2020 12:46     Subject: Re:I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.
Anonymous wrote:Hi Op, are you a renter? Sounds like confidence issue at play!
I can't imagine buying selling a house because you feel jealous of your nice enough neighbor.


How much does your house cost? It will probably cost you at least $40,000 just to move. Is that worth it? Put that money into a social skills coach for both of you.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2020 12:45     Subject: I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.
This sounds like the plot of a Lifetime movie.

If you are actually for real, OP, and not a troll — your therapist is incompetent.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2020 12:43     Subject: Re:I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.
OP, when a couple breaks up and one person is in pain they are often advised not to "pain shop." This means don't look at the person's social media, linkedin, anything. When the person pops into your head you redirect your thoughts. If you do it consistently it will become easier over time.

I know it's hard to keep a neighbor completely from your field of view but please do all you can to accomplish this. Comparison is the thief of joy. Make your own joy! Set a good example for your daughter. You can do it and you can teach your daughter how to. Thinking good thoughts for you.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2020 12:37     Subject: I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.
This is pretty normal kid behavior. teach your daughter how to navigate relationships vs running away from things that are unpleasant.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2020 12:30     Subject: Re:I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.
Hi Op, are you a renter? Sounds like confidence issue at play!
I can't imagine buying selling a house because you feel jealous of your nice enough neighbor.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2020 12:26     Subject: I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, maybe you’re not religious, but when I’m envious of someone, I pray for them. Pray that they are blessed with peace, success, happiness. I think then it helps to start to Delight in their successes instead of feeling bitter.

And this is why people know that religious people are hypocritical and evil. This is such a nasty thing to do and it speaks volumes of your sarcasm and ill will towards others.


Huh???

Huh, you! You don't even know why you are evil. Nobody is buying what you are selling. Religous evil nut.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2020 12:24     Subject: I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do you have them over for drinks? For dinner? Afternoon BBQ?


OP here. We have invited them over for drinks outside a few times. They have made it clear they had other plans after--felt like pity drinks. They were nice but clearly busy. They have also had outdoor parties (invited us) and it was mainly the affluent, cool parents in town. Felt out of place. They have never done anything outwardly mean -- they have accepted our invites and extended in return, but there's not a ton of chemistry and they clearly have their own crowd already and we aren't breaking in.

But my DD is in the same class as her DD and they also take dance together so a friendship/connection is more organic and they see one another more. I took this all to heart and invited the whole family over tonight for drinks/apps outside and they said yes, including with her DD.

I have told my own DD that friends come and go. I've encouraged her to turn down an invite but the pull is strong. This girl is definitely the queen bee even in elementary. I know I have issues around the envy. I think I grew up feeling like an outsider (we moved all the time as a kid) and it has stuck with me. I'm projecting a lot onto this family and I know it. I am working on it. Part of me just wants to move to get away from it, which I know sounds very drastic.


I don't know. They seem fairly nice. They always accept your invites and their daughter does include yours, even if the chemistry doesn't seem to be there. I wish my mom put more effort into teaching me manners, social skills and how to take care of myself and put makeup on at a younger age. I was cute and had friends but never had any confidence that I was pulled together like other females whose moms made it more of a priority. I wish my mom talked to me more about how to talk to adults and introduce myself. You sound like you may be a little socially awkward and you may not be modeling all of this for her.


Me too. My mother, who was actually very attractive, was extremely insecure. Not a lot friends or socializing. My father was the opposite, but girls tend to learn that stuff more from their mothers. I learned it more from my friends' mothers.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2020 12:24     Subject: I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.
Even if you move, you'll have the issue again with another family. There will always be people like this in your life, so you need to learn to deal with it on your side - before you turn into the cheerleader mom who hires a hitman. Good luck, I know this isn't easy. All I can say is 20 years from now, you'll look back and barely remember the particulars. Keep reminding yourself, this is just a small blip in your kids' lives.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2020 12:22     Subject: I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do you have them over for drinks? For dinner? Afternoon BBQ?


OP here. We have invited them over for drinks outside a few times. They have made it clear they had other plans after--felt like pity drinks. They were nice but clearly busy. They have also had outdoor parties (invited us) and it was mainly the affluent, cool parents in town. Felt out of place. They have never done anything outwardly mean -- they have accepted our invites and extended in return, but there's not a ton of chemistry and they clearly have their own crowd already and we aren't breaking in.

But my DD is in the same class as her DD and they also take dance together so a friendship/connection is more organic and they see one another more. I took this all to heart and invited the whole family over tonight for drinks/apps outside and they said yes, including with her DD.

I have told my own DD that friends come and go. I've encouraged her to turn down an invite but the pull is strong. This girl is definitely the queen bee even in elementary. I know I have issues around the envy. I think I grew up feeling like an outsider (we moved all the time as a kid) and it has stuck with me. I'm projecting a lot onto this family and I know it. I am working on it. Part of me just wants to move to get away from it, which I know sounds very drastic.


They're you're *neighbors* FFS, how much more affluent could they possibly be? We have a similar relationship with our neighbors. Have had some social interactions, a few drinks, some parties. I like them fine and probably vice versa, but we're not going to be BFFs. Then again, I don't want to be and there's no hero worship from afar either. They have their friends and we have ours, and there's a bit of overlap socially. But we're in DC, it's a big town. Plenty of friends for everyone. They (your neighbors) sound perfectly nice, you sound like you are making it awkward. It's ok to be "outer circle" friends with people, not everyone is going to be super close. Just enjoy the casual get togethers from time to time and try to relax for pete's sake.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2020 12:19     Subject: I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a white person, #whitepeopleproblems


As a POC, I think this is actually absurd and offensive. Do you think minorities don't have these issues with kids or neighbors (ok, maybe not quite to this extent) because we're all too busy worrying over being shot and getting food stamps? What exactly are you saying?


+1 Such a weird, random statement
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2020 12:17     Subject: I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.
Anonymous wrote:As a white person, #whitepeopleproblems


As a POC, I think this is actually absurd and offensive. Do you think minorities don't have these issues with kids or neighbors (ok, maybe not quite to this extent) because we're all too busy worrying over being shot and getting food stamps? What exactly are you saying?
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2020 12:07     Subject: I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do you have them over for drinks? For dinner? Afternoon BBQ?


OP here. We have invited them over for drinks outside a few times. They have made it clear they had other plans after--felt like pity drinks. They were nice but clearly busy. They have also had outdoor parties (invited us) and it was mainly the affluent, cool parents in town. Felt out of place. They have never done anything outwardly mean -- they have accepted our invites and extended in return, but there's not a ton of chemistry and they clearly have their own crowd already and we aren't breaking in.

But my DD is in the same class as her DD and they also take dance together so a friendship/connection is more organic and they see one another more. I took this all to heart and invited the whole family over tonight for drinks/apps outside and they said yes, including with her DD.

I have told my own DD that friends come and go. I've encouraged her to turn down an invite but the pull is strong. This girl is definitely the queen bee even in elementary. I know I have issues around the envy. I think I grew up feeling like an outsider (we moved all the time as a kid) and it has stuck with me. I'm projecting a lot onto this family and I know it. I am working on it. Part of me just wants to move to get away from it, which I know sounds very drastic.


I don't know. They seem fairly nice. They always accept your invites and their daughter does include yours, even if the chemistry doesn't seem to be there. I wish my mom put more effort into teaching me manners, social skills and how to take care of myself and put makeup on at a younger age. I was cute and had friends but never had any confidence that I was pulled together like other females whose moms made it more of a priority. I wish my mom talked to me more about how to talk to adults and introduce myself. You sound like you may be a little socially awkward and you may not be modeling all of this for her.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2020 12:07     Subject: I want to move due to resentment of neighbors and DH thinks I'm being crazy.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, maybe you’re not religious, but when I’m envious of someone, I pray for them. Pray that they are blessed with peace, success, happiness. I think then it helps to start to Delight in their successes instead of feeling bitter.

And this is why people know that religious people are hypocritical and evil. This is such a nasty thing to do and it speaks volumes of your sarcasm and ill will towards others.


Huh???