Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how they still think I'm perfect and that I'm the best thing ever. And all the kisses!!! Maybe my daughters will hug and kiss me when they grow up, but I know sons don't. And how soft their skin is as babies.

Have faith! They do, and they will.

At 17 and 22, both my boys still seek out hugs from me.

I think it's kid- and not gender-specific. My oldest (son) doesn't necessarily want to initiate hugs but still enjoys them. My middle (daughter) is not a hugger -- I literally get a once-a-year birthday hug, and sometimes she will react like a scalded cat if I touch her in any way. My youngest is a hugger but she's almost 13 and oh how the teen grumpies are taking hold.....

OP, I'm so grateful that my kids are older during the pandemic. It was really difficult when they were young, and I can only imagine the challenges that you and your generation of moms is facing during the pandemic. But I really do miss the uncritical days, when my kids loved me and I loved them unconditionally. We've had some rocky times during their teenage years when we've loved them deeply but not always liked them on a day to day basis, and God knows they have discovered our warts and flaws. And not being able to fix their problems with a kiss and a Band-Aid, when they really, truly have problems that may be with them lifelong, is gut-wrenching.

I did not enjoy the baby through pre-school years. Both kids were terrible sleepers, I worked full time, and my time after worked was spent with dinner time scramble and witching-hour meltdowns. OP, you are in a tough phase right now, but you will get through it! My kids are now 10 and 14 and life is so much better - even with the backtalk and attitude. I sometimes feel guilty that I don't really miss the early years. But who says we have to love every stage of parenthood? I think my kids are so much fun now, and I hope that we are able to maintain a strong relationship through their adulthood. The baby years are just a blip... we're in this for the long game!

I remember waking up one morning and thinking, "ok, only 16 more hours until my kids are asleep." Seriously. You are in a very hard time! I hated people who said to me to cherish every second when I was tired, dirty, and stretched to my limit. It is freaking hard!! And not fun most of the time! My kids are now 10, 12, and 14 and super super fun. We bike and hike together and I have hilarious and thoughtful conversations with them. It's true that they don't snuggle with me anymore, and the 14 year old spends most of his time in his room or with his friends, but they are the same sweet children I hugged and lugged around. I just don't have to wipe their butts anymore. You WILL get to this stage OP, I promise. It all gets better when the youngest gets to around 4 or 5.

To answer your question, I miss the cuddles in bed the most and carrying them in the ergo, and going to the park in our BoB double stroller. All the morning and afternoon adventures we had before and after naps. When the three of us do something without DH nowadays, it reminds me of the old days when I had them to myself when I was a SAHM.

Hang in there OP! The days are long but the years are short indeed!!!

Anonymous wrote:I am drowning and miserable with my 1 year old and 4 year old. I often don’t feel up to the task of raising them and sometimes regret having them. I do love them, deeply, but I find mothering them impossibly hard.

I don’t have parents to ask. I was not parented very well myself and my parents aren’t in my life.

What do you miss about ages 1-4, now that your kids are grown? I feel like I’m missing it completely, every minute of the day I’m counting down til bedtime, and yearning for them to be older, for this excruciating phase of life to shift or change or end.

Maybe if you tell me what you miss, I can try to pay attention to it, and embed some nice memories into my brain to enjoy later. Maybe for a moment or two it will feel less hard.

I remember feeling like you do.

You need support IRL. This thread is not going to do it. You already know all of this stuff.

Support, even a little, IRL goes a long way until they are in school.

How guileless they are. Once they're 3 they can have really earnest conversations with you.

How he liked going places and exploring.

I miss reading to them-- reading aloud was my favorite childrearing activity, and I read aloud to my kids until they were into high school. During my oldest child's senior year in high school, he sat with me and his younger siblings every night for weeks on end while I read the entire Harry Potter series. Again.

I miss the smell of their heads. And the funny mispronunciations. Definitely write things down, you WILL forget.

It gets so much easier. I have enjoyed the teen years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how they still think I'm perfect and that I'm the best thing ever. And all the kisses!!! Maybe my daughters will hug and kiss me when they grow up, but I know sons don't. And how soft their skin is as babies.

Have faith! They do, and they will.

At 17 and 22, both my boys still seek out hugs from me.

I did not love the infant and toddler days but looking back, I have very fond memories of how they talked. The silly mispronunciations that we didn’t correct bit parroted back as if they were exactly right...hoppatoo instead of hippopotamus, mazageeen instead of magazine, “mamma read me”, etc. When we all fit in one bed (although I didn’t like it back then). The affectionate touching (which seemed constant and cloying back then), the readiness for adventure even if it was walking around the block for the 10,000th time.

I agree with the notion that the days are long... in five or ten years from now at weird, unpredictable times, you will remember some weird soft and lovey thing that your babes are doing at this point in your life. Good luck, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, OP. My boys are 3 and 2 months and I really needed this thread.

It's very difficult. Try taking a lot of deep breaths. I don't miss my boys at those ages but once they are grown, they are grown, so try to enjoy a little part of it every day.