Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. All 3 kids are in single digits, but beyond diapers. After a full day I’m exhausted. I’ve had enough touching and at that point I don’t feel like being touched more is at all relaxing. Seems unnatural to force it and DH doesn’t seem to appreciate when I do it but I’m barely into it.

DH here, you will hate me but I will be honest- you are doomed. I did this for years, the constant chasing, her rejection, then I stopped chasing, we dwindled to once a month or less, then I cheated, and she caught me and we are in a really bad place.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have cheated. It's going to be really, really hard to repair this now.

Here's the part I never understood: how hard is it to carve out 30 minutes a week to be fully present with your DH sexually? I mean, tell him to take kids to the park, put them to bed, clean the whole house if you need it. Whatever it takes, he will jump through the hoop. I did, until it became clear it was a chore.

Good luck.

I'm always curious what happens years later in these situations. I get the impression that the ones who want more sex, find partners later that are a better match. But what happens to the exes with low desire? Do they find new partners and end up having more sex, too, or do they just end up alone and happily sexless?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is complaining about our sex life and wants us to see a therapist that specializes in sex therapy. He wants more, I’m content with it about once a month. We have three young kids. Anyone try this? Helpful or not? I don’t want to go to something where there is yet another person in addition to DH badgering me for more sex.

DADT. Look it up, it saves a lot of marriages. Not many people who remain married 25 years into marriage are still faithful, and the ones that are have regular sex. Low sex marriages don't have to end.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. All 3 kids are in single digits, but beyond diapers. After a full day I’m exhausted. I’ve had enough touching and at that point I don’t feel like being touched more is at all relaxing. Seems unnatural to force it and DH doesn’t seem to appreciate when I do it but I’m barely into it.

DH here, you will hate me but I will be honest- you are doomed. I did this for years, the constant chasing, her rejection, then I stopped chasing, we dwindled to once a month or less, then I cheated, and she caught me and we are in a really bad place.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have cheated. It's going to be really, really hard to repair this now.

Here's the part I never understood: how hard is it to carve out 30 minutes a week to be fully present with your DH sexually? I mean, tell him to take kids to the park, put them to bed, clean the whole house if you need it. Whatever it takes, he will jump through the hoop. I did, until it became clear it was a chore.

Good luck.

I'm always curious what happens years later in these situations. I get the impression that the ones who want more sex, find partners later that are a better match. But what happens to the exes with low desire? Do they find new partners and end up having more sex, too, or do they just end up alone and happily sexless?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. All 3 kids are in single digits, but beyond diapers. After a full day I’m exhausted. I’ve had enough touching and at that point I don’t feel like being touched more is at all relaxing. Seems unnatural to force it and DH doesn’t seem to appreciate when I do it but I’m barely into it.

DH here, you will hate me but I will be honest- you are doomed. I did this for years, the constant chasing, her rejection, then I stopped chasing, we dwindled to once a month or less, then I cheated, and she caught me and we are in a really bad place.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have cheated. It's going to be really, really hard to repair this now.

Here's the part I never understood: how hard is it to carve out 30 minutes a week to be fully present with your DH sexually? I mean, tell him to take kids to the park, put them to bed, clean the whole house if you need it. Whatever it takes, he will jump through the hoop. I did, until it became clear it was a chore.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:DH is complaining about our sex life and wants us to see a therapist that specializes in sex therapy. He wants more, I’m content with it about once a month. We have three young kids. Anyone try this? Helpful or not? I don’t want to go to something where there is yet another person in addition to DH badgering me for more sex.

Anonymous wrote:Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. A sex therapist is money down the drain.

Nothing turns off a woman faster than a beta husband whining for sex. That guy should refocus on hitting the gym, make himself his mental point of origin, and make his mission (whatever that may be) his priority in life. By killing the beta inside of him he’ll become the man women desire. Once you begin to see that women desire him I guarantee you’ll be having sex a whole lot more than once a month...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally agree with PP, and I say that as someone who cheated and can admit I was wrong. Like they said, my spouse who stopped having sex with me. It wasn't just a libido issue. If there was love and respect, there would have been sex. Instead it was my spouses way of being passive aggressive and denying me something I needed to be happy.

We were both wrong.

Did you ever ask your wife why she was lacking in love and respect for you? Is it possible that there is something about how your personality/character has changed over the years that has affected her love and respect for you? Is there something about the way you treat her; in other words, does she feel that you treat her with love and respect, that you care deeply about her for who she is?

Sometimes, people don’t communicate well with each other. Misunderstandings happen, and the next thing you know, one person thinks the other doesn’t care for them or love them anymore. Talking and really listening can make a difference if two people can really have trust in each other.

Yes, I asked repeatedly, she never gave a reason for her libido tanking. we had at least a dozen conversations. I am sure there was something, but I can't fix what I don't know. I am sure some of it was just natural loss of desire that most women have after a decade of marriage and kids

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really quite normal for women to not want to have sex anymore. One third of women report zero sexual desire.

The only issue is that you are in a committed relationship. Do you want your husband to remain monogamous? Serious question, many people really are fine with their spouse discretely taking care of things if they don't upset the apple cart.

I never understood that outlook- would those women be happy with DH owing chid support or introducing their children to their new step sibling?

why do you think so many women turn a blind eye to infidelity. Not everyone cares

I'm sure most who think they don't care would if DH gets hit with a paternity suit

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. A sex therapist is money down the drain.

Nothing turns off a woman faster than a beta husband whining for sex. That guy should refocus on hitting the gym, make himself his mental point of origin, and make his mission (whatever that may be) his priority in life. By killing the beta inside of him he’ll become the man women desire. Once you begin to see that women desire him I guarantee you’ll be having sex a whole lot more than once a month...

Oh good. The red pillers are here. Should he "push through" her token resistance? Should he neg her? She he cultivate jealousy?

Hit the gym & don't beg for sex, sure. But the rest is basically bullshit.

Anonymous wrote:Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. A sex therapist is money down the drain.

Nothing turns off a woman faster than a beta husband whining for sex. That guy should refocus on hitting the gym, make himself his mental point of origin, and make his mission (whatever that may be) his priority in life. By killing the beta inside of him he’ll become the man women desire. Once you begin to see that women desire him I guarantee you’ll be having sex a whole lot more than once a month...