Anonymous
Post 09/11/2020 13:57     Subject: Why do so many people divorce when kids are under 3 yo?
Anonymous wrote:I’m 40, with two ES kids, married fairly young (24) and literally don’t know anyone who is divorced from our generation. I know of a few couples our parents age.

Do UMC people really divorce that often?


Yes. Among UMC people there are a couple of common "bailing out points." One is when the kids are deemed to be independent enough that it's not all hands on deck. Often happens when the youngest enters elementary. The other very common "bailing out point" is when kids leave the house--empty nesters.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2020 13:53     Subject: Re:Why do so many people divorce when kids are under 3 yo?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have kids before you marry, there’s no way to truly know how your spouse will be as a parent and as a partner once you have kids. Some people utterly fail as partners once kids are in the picture, not just because they don’t step up, but also because they have no interest in stepping up. If your spouse has made clear that they have no interest in being an equal partner, why prolong the inevitable?


The signs are there whether your partner would be a good parent. I think that people who really want kids refuse to see the signs.


Sometimes this and sometimes they don’t have the examples (or gift of DCUM) to teach them. Another contribution includes people who have suppressed issues, that don’t read their head until they become a parent. There is no way to uncover something like that without knowing g what to look for.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2020 13:52     Subject: Why do so many people divorce when kids are under 3 yo?
Violence and abuse, mostly

Does it make you feel better to judge OP?
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2020 13:51     Subject: Re:Why do so many people divorce when kids are under 3 yo?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's a very common time for men to cheat. Often but not always, couples completely neglect their intimate life and after years of it, men start thinking with their little brains.


No: that is a false/misleading depiction. The WIFE/MOM neglects their intimate life.


My XH neglected sex, intimacy, communication, and basic tenets of responsible parenting. I was always so frustrated dealing with this issue because of posts like yours that made experiences like mine off the table for discussion. Also, there is extensive research in the motivations of cheating and how they vary across genders that support PP’s observation.
Anonymous
Post 08/23/2020 19:59     Subject: Re:Why do so many people divorce when kids are under 3 yo?
Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have kids before you marry, there’s no way to truly know how your spouse will be as a parent and as a partner once you have kids. Some people utterly fail as partners once kids are in the picture, not just because they don’t step up, but also because they have no interest in stepping up. If your spouse has made clear that they have no interest in being an equal partner, why prolong the inevitable?


The signs are there whether your partner would be a good parent. I think that people who really want kids refuse to see the signs.
Anonymous
Post 08/23/2020 19:57     Subject: Re:Why do so many people divorce when kids are under 3 yo?
Anonymous wrote:I was slammed into a door repeatedly in front of our child. Most women I know that left with young kids were abused mentally or physically. Had nothing to do with the kids.


Why did they have kids with these men then? Did this abuse just come out of the blue? Serious question.
Anonymous
Post 08/23/2020 19:19     Subject: Why do so many people divorce when kids are under 3 yo?
Men who aren't cut out for taking care of others are outted in this age range. One of my friend's husband cheated on her while she was pregnant in the midst of some early midlife crisis. Other men I know just refused to give up any aspect of self-centeredness. It's harder to notice when you're both putting yourselves/your careers first. That first kid really crystalizes things.
Anonymous
Post 08/23/2020 19:16     Subject: Why do so many people divorce when kids are under 3 yo?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m 40, with two ES kids, married fairly young (24) and literally don’t know anyone who is divorced from our generation. I know of a few couples our parents age.

Do UMC people really divorce that often?


Those happen more often at empty nest stage (the upper bracket incomes).


Some at the middle school age, when couples emerge from the toddler years with no sexual or intimate bond to hold them together.
Anonymous
Post 08/23/2020 19:10     Subject: Why do so many people divorce when kids are under 3 yo?
Anonymous wrote:I’m 40, with two ES kids, married fairly young (24) and literally don’t know anyone who is divorced from our generation. I know of a few couples our parents age.

Do UMC people really divorce that often?


Those happen more often at empty nest stage (the upper bracket incomes).
Anonymous
Post 08/23/2020 18:45     Subject: Why do so many people divorce when kids are under 3 yo?
I’m 40, with two ES kids, married fairly young (24) and literally don’t know anyone who is divorced from our generation. I know of a few couples our parents age.

Do UMC people really divorce that often?
Anonymous
Post 08/23/2020 13:52     Subject: Why do so many people divorce when kids are under 3 yo?
Woman go from skinny to fatty