Anonymous
Post 08/22/2020 14:13     Subject: Private school wants to move 4yr old to K
Honestly, op they need the space. If you say no, you will find out that they moved another kid up.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2020 14:02     Subject: Private school wants to move 4yr old to K
I strongly recommend that you not push your child forward, especially if they are socially awkward. It is such a huge advantage for a kid to be on the older side rather than the youngest in their class. We have a son who we knew from an early age was extremely gifted, but was immature and disorganized. He is a November birthday and we chose to affirmatively hold him back. He was always going to be among the smartest in his class, but allowing him to grow up gave him a chance to address other issues that are common with these type of kids including being disorganized, learning how to make friends, and especially not being the obvious target for being picked on. It worked out extremely well for him and he is very successful academically and doing well socially. I think that the emotional growth of a child is just as important as the academic growth.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2020 13:43     Subject: Re:Private school wants to move 4yr old to K
We tried to redshirt my immature oct bday kid (sept cutoff) and it was impossible.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2020 13:27     Subject: Private school wants to move 4yr old to K
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We said no to this with our precocious Fall birthday kids, and now as we approach sending a kid off to college, we are so, so, so glad we didn't cave and start school too early. I would not be happy with a 16YO high school senior in class with 18YO boys, or having a kid in college who is at risk for underaged drinking violations until second semester senior year.

If your school cannot differentiate instruction well, then you need a new school. Don't make your child the victim of the school's inability to teach to a range of students. Our kids were in a public school that did in class differentiation very well, so academic and social needs were met in the same place.



Where did your kid go to school where they were age grouped in high school? Other than home room it's mixed ages and 16 year olds an 18 year olds are often in class together.

And as for underage drinking, that's really up to your kid.


A 16 YO Senior. That is a 13 year old freshman in those mixed classes with 18 year old seniors.


I was the 13 yo freshman. I was also the 17 yo college freshman. I held my own, I can't say the same for the 14 -15 y.o. college freshmen and 18-19 your college freshmen, Talk to your kids, don't depend on their age as security.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2020 13:13     Subject: Private school wants to move 4yr old to K
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We said no to this with our precocious Fall birthday kids, and now as we approach sending a kid off to college, we are so, so, so glad we didn't cave and start school too early. I would not be happy with a 16YO high school senior in class with 18YO boys, or having a kid in college who is at risk for underaged drinking violations until second semester senior year.

If your school cannot differentiate instruction well, then you need a new school. Don't make your child the victim of the school's inability to teach to a range of students. Our kids were in a public school that did in class differentiation very well, so academic and social needs were met in the same place.



Where did your kid go to school where they were age grouped in high school? Other than home room it's mixed ages and 16 year olds an 18 year olds are often in class together.

And as for underage drinking, that's really up to your kid.


A 16 YO Senior. That is a 13 year old freshman in those mixed classes with 18 year old seniors.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2020 13:08     Subject: Private school wants to move 4yr old to K
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, and no offense to anyone who was bullied or not popular growing up. But I think it''s a mistake to assume that the only reason your child will be bullie or not , popular or not is due to their age.


Nobody is saying it is the only reason. People are sharing experiences. They are not assuming anything about the "only reason" -- you are the one jumping to that conclusion.

There are studies of relative age. Many of them are terrible and not remotely rigorous. However, there does seem to be some correlations between struggling socially and being younger.



That's exactly what people are implying with their anecotodes, or that they rather their kid be the bully. By the time they reach 3rd grade it's all a wash.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2020 12:57     Subject: Private school wants to move 4yr old to K
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, and no offense to anyone who was bullied or not popular growing up. But I think it''s a mistake to assume that the only reason your child will be bullie or not , popular or not is due to their age.


Nobody is saying it is the only reason. People are sharing experiences. They are not assuming anything about the "only reason" -- you are the one jumping to that conclusion.

There are studies of relative age. Many of them are terrible and not remotely rigorous. However, there does seem to be some correlations between struggling socially and being younger.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2020 12:42     Subject: Private school wants to move 4yr old to K
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We said no to this with our precocious Fall birthday kids, and now as we approach sending a kid off to college, we are so, so, so glad we didn't cave and start school too early. I would not be happy with a 16YO high school senior in class with 18YO boys, or having a kid in college who is at risk for underaged drinking violations until second semester senior year.

If your school cannot differentiate instruction well, then you need a new school. Don't make your child the victim of the school's inability to teach to a range of students. Our kids were in a public school that did in class differentiation very well, so academic and social needs were met in the same place.


Let me burst your bubble: there were 18yo senior boys in my 14yo daughter’s freshman art class.


lol I feel like all bets are off in HS! Even if they’re not in classes together - those older boys were in my extra curricular activities- band, track etc. and I loved it. Haha
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2020 12:31     Subject: Re:Private school wants to move 4yr old to K
Same thing happened with my youngest. We went ahead with the move. It took a little bit to catch up socially. She’s now in her last year in middle school and definitely is where she belongs. She’s challenged educationally and is fine socially.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2020 12:31     Subject: Private school wants to move 4yr old to K
I'm sorry, and no offense to anyone who was bullied or not popular growing up. But I think it''s a mistake to assume that the only reason your child will be bullie or not , popular or not is due to their age.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2020 12:29     Subject: Re:Private school wants to move 4yr old to K
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My parents were in exactly your situation with me, even with the December birthday and personality. They moved me as recommended. It was a mistake that had lifelong consequences. I was academically far ahead, but socially it was awful. I was bullied terribly. It took me years of therapy to undo the damage. I was very vulnerable throughout school.

By the time I was in third grade my parents had realized their mistake but couldn't undo it as I was too far ahead academically. My sister, similar profile and birthdate, had the same request from a different school. My parents refused. As adults we have talked and while she suffered the usual stings of children being mean, she wasn't bullied anywhere near the level that I was. We have both been successful so it's not like I developed any special grit or anything through my experience.

My DC (junior in HS) is one of the oldest. Some years he was "redshirted" because as we moved, his birthday went back and forth over different cutoffs. It was shocking to me to see up close what it's like for a child to go through education without viewing school as a gauntlet to be run every day. He liked his peers in school and didn't fear them. He didn't hide in the library or the bathroom. It's been eye-opening.



Flip side of this I was aNovember birthday. I was fine both socially and academically, my brother the January birthday, struggled.



Both my sister and I were on November birthdays. We both were excellent students. I struggled socially she did not, but I also had undiagnosed ASD/ ADHD/Anxiety, so I would have struggled socially regardless.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2020 12:28     Subject: Re:Private school wants to move 4yr old to K
Anonymous wrote:My parents were in exactly your situation with me, even with the December birthday and personality. They moved me as recommended. It was a mistake that had lifelong consequences. I was academically far ahead, but socially it was awful. I was bullied terribly. It took me years of therapy to undo the damage. I was very vulnerable throughout school.

By the time I was in third grade my parents had realized their mistake but couldn't undo it as I was too far ahead academically. My sister, similar profile and birthdate, had the same request from a different school. My parents refused. As adults we have talked and while she suffered the usual stings of children being mean, she wasn't bullied anywhere near the level that I was. We have both been successful so it's not like I developed any special grit or anything through my experience.

My DC (junior in HS) is one of the oldest. Some years he was "redshirted" because as we moved, his birthday went back and forth over different cutoffs. It was shocking to me to see up close what it's like for a child to go through education without viewing school as a gauntlet to be run every day. He liked his peers in school and didn't fear them. He didn't hide in the library or the bathroom. It's been eye-opening.



Flip side of this I was aNovember birthday. I was fine both socially and academically, my brother the January birthday, struggled.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2020 12:24     Subject: Re:Private school wants to move 4yr old to K
My parents were in exactly your situation with me, even with the December birthday and personality. They moved me as recommended. It was a mistake that had lifelong consequences. I was academically far ahead, but socially it was awful. I was bullied terribly. It took me years of therapy to undo the damage. I was very vulnerable throughout school.

By the time I was in third grade my parents had realized their mistake but couldn't undo it as I was too far ahead academically. My sister, similar profile and birthdate, had the same request from a different school. My parents refused. As adults we have talked and while she suffered the usual stings of children being mean, she wasn't bullied anywhere near the level that I was. We have both been successful so it's not like I developed any special grit or anything through my experience.

My DC (junior in HS) is one of the oldest. Some years he was "redshirted" because as we moved, his birthday went back and forth over different cutoffs. It was shocking to me to see up close what it's like for a child to go through education without viewing school as a gauntlet to be run every day. He liked his peers in school and didn't fear them. He didn't hide in the library or the bathroom. It's been eye-opening.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2020 12:20     Subject: Private school wants to move 4yr old to K
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We said no to this with our precocious Fall birthday kids, and now as we approach sending a kid off to college, we are so, so, so glad we didn't cave and start school too early. I would not be happy with a 16YO high school senior in class with 18YO boys, or having a kid in college who is at risk for underaged drinking violations until second semester senior year.

If your school cannot differentiate instruction well, then you need a new school. Don't make your child the victim of the school's inability to teach to a range of students. Our kids were in a public school that did in class differentiation very well, so academic and social needs were met in the same place.


Let me burst your bubble: there were 18yo senior boys in my 14yo daughter’s freshman art class.



Yeah I really want to know where pp sent her kids that they grouped kids by age through high school.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2020 12:18     Subject: Private school wants to move 4yr old to K
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would do it. If your daughter is really bright it would be better for her to be the youngest than the oldest. December would be one of the oldest.


Omg, please stop basing this outlook on dated opinion pieces.


Actually if it’s a sept 1st cutoff sept bdays will be the oldest. And there will be more of them than you think.

I said “one“ of the oldest. And I say that as a parent of a DD who barely missed cutoff and I‘m going to “greenshirt“. All these people who redshirt have no clue how slow our education system is for even remotely bright children who ought to be challenged.


LOL. So your kid isn’t even in school yet. Trust me, the young kids struggle socially.-Parent of college kids



NP. Not always, social maturity is not always a function of calendar age.


Ok, you do you. When a kid is 12-18 months younger than everyone else...


Yes it would be nice if everyone was able to decided based on their child's abilities, which is what I was suggesting. You on the other hand, seem to take the approach of my way is right. As pp, pointed out to you often times the difference in age is a matter of days not years, and once kids hit junior high activities are usually mixed so your child will be with kids 1-3 years older than them anyway.